been a while since i've wrote in this thing however my life is so uneventful that i have nothing type about. no theories or burdens just nothingness piled in my head and a constant numbing in my ears.

1. Who did you last shoot a dirty look at? my dad he infuriates me beyond belief 2. What kind of car do you drive? i cant drive yet sadly 3. Have you ever had a garage sale? uhm dont think so but there were three on my street yesterday 4. What color is your iPod? black classic 5. What kind of dog do you have? no dogs 6. What's for dinner tonight? iranian food like usual 7. What is the last drink you drank? sobe strawberry daquiri 8. Last time you were sick? i dont really get sick. i usually fake it 9. How long is your hair? not long enough 10. Are you happy right now? not at all. 11. What did you say last? heres your goddamn cd. now leave me alone :D 12. Who came over last? wow idk german probably blegh 13. Do you drink beer? nah 14. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? no 15. What is your favorite key chain on your keys? no key chains 16. What is in your pocket? no pockets wow i say no to everything. im so insanely boring 17. Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend? ahhh no 18. Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with? julia. it was awkward made me sad 19. What DVD is in your DVD player? original scream. love it 20. What's something fun you did today? i dont do fun things 21. What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? i fucking hate cats 22. What are you listening to right now? my family laughing without me 23. What have you had to drink so far today? Water, mango juice, sobe 24. When is your birthday? april 28 25. What's the area code for your cell phone? hmm do i want to tell you? 26. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? charlotte russe...haha shocked its lasted this long. cost me maybe $5 27. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? no fucking car 28. How many states in the U.S. have you been to? i dont give a shit 29. What are you going to do after this? keeping up with the kardashians :P 30. What is something you need to go shopping for? bikini bottoms 31. Do you like pickles? ewww hate them 32. How about olives? blegh 33. What is your favorite kind of gum? tropical trident thingy 34. Do you have any tan lines? nope 35. Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher? mrs.captain not even kidding 36. Who was the last person to call you baby? my cousin called me a baby but im no ones baby sadly 37. When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout? no 38. Has anyone ever sang to you? no :[ 39. Has anyone ever given you roses? omg i hate this survey 40. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? possibly 41. What is your favorite color? black. i always come back to it in the end as much as i hate it 42. What color are your eyes? shit colored 43. What is a compliment you receive way too often? i like your hair 44. How tall are you? 5'6" 45. Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? someone i didnt love back and earlier this morning 46. Do you like your parents? i love my mom 47. Why did your last relationship end? i dont have relationships im too bitter 48. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? someone i dont love back..once again 49. Where is the furthest place you've traveled? iran 50. Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? sleepp 51. Do you look more like your mom or your dad? dad 52. How long does it take you to shower? 5 min. 53. Can you do splits? no. 54. Can you use the grill? no 55. Are you flexible? no :[ 56. What movie do you want to see? Iron Man! ooo i wanna see that too :D 57. What did you on New Years Eve 2007? alicias house. :/ 58. Was your mom a cheerleader? gross no 59. What is the last letter of your middle name? a 60. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? haha like 13 61, Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? no 62. Are you scared of flying? no 63. What do you sleep in? nothing 64. Do you have any tattoos? i want one soo bad 65. Have you ever been to Los Angeles? no. 66. What jewelry do you wear all the time? never 67. What is your favorite song at the moment? closer- nine inch nails 68. What song do you HATE? HOW CAN YOU HATE SYSTEM OF A DOWN PLASTIC SKIES??? anything by panic at the disco. :P lots more but dont feel like typing 69. Do you like chocolate? sure 70. Are you easy to get along with? a bit to easy to get along with 71. Any up coming events you're excited about? schlitterbahn dance end of the year thank you placstic skies. this survey was terrible

:] well the concert had its ups and down. beginnign was terrible b/c the opening acts sucked weatherbox manhester ochestra and something paperboy i was standing so long waiting and anticipating the bands arrival that when they arrived it was WOAH! HES HERE! amazing performer i love say anything

hello there. im abnormally tired im oddly paranoid im not so strangely lonely

MAX BEMIS I WANT YOUR PENIS!

well everyone freaked me out about limewire. saying that it costs $750 a song if you get caught. i've downloaded like 600 so $750 X 60 = 45,000 :O so i stopped & now im in search of free, legal music...haha yea right those 3 words shouldnt be used in the same sentence. 6 days until the say anything concert. i am so fucking excited i'm going shopping saturday for my outfit and then BAM the concert is on tuesday. ahhh :]]

okay well im copying this quiz from mowthwash i liked this one. more meaningful than myspace surveys 1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? both because if its a bad reaction towards what i am saying i cant handle it. then again i can't handle my own reactions sometimes 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. Why were you angry? i have always been the patient listener, who plays it safe and does everything right in every relationship. but i find it hard to hear someone else tell me im conservative...and boring. that really pissed me off & another time was when i became paranoid my "best" friend was stealing everything from me. a conpiracy or something. but it was all in my head. however at the moment i was so angry 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make one phone call.. who do you phone? my mom. shes the only one who will always care for me 4. You are at the doctor's office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? No. im not much for sympathy and pity. & i think i would spend my last month studying people's reactions and obsess over it which isnt how id want to spend my last month b) What do you do with your remaining days? have sex. im not dying w/o knowing the feeling & tell everyone exactly how i feel about them c) Would you be afraid? yes. death doesnt usually scare me but knowing that its approaching would cause me to anticipate it and start freaking out 5. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Which do you choose? trust. love is trust 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you save the dog? id probably save the dog. unless im at the pinnical of my career or have a family to support than id go to work. 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you do/say? unless i truely feel the same. id embrace it but i most likely won't so id choke on my words and end up just tearing up and walk away 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? never. i think im a terrible friend. however others tend to disagree 11. Does love = sex? thats a stupid question everyone knows it not. sex is only temporary comfort & love, if it exists, is supposed to me permanent, but its not really nowadays 12. Your boss tells your co-worker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your co-worker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to quit? no, id consider it but im selfish person thats hard to admit but im being honest 13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? i thought i told one of my friends how i hate how hypocritical and judgemental she was but it turned out to be a dream 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a friend, you love them or that you do not love them back? it would be harder to say i dont love them. id hate to be teh cause of heartbreak but its better than leading them on 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? my mom. because shes amazing 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you? ugh last person that i said i loved you to i totally didnt mean it. i actually really dislike everything about this person but i refuse to use names 18. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? hmm it would be nice if it was someone who was going to confess their love for me but i dont think that would happen so probably my best "guy" friend even though i hate that term 19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? even though they probably were trying to commit suicide to take them out of their misery, id surely help them. & theyd hate me aftewards 21. You are holding onto your grandmothers hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? stupid fucking question. 22. Are you old fashioned? yes-ish 23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? everyday of my life i expect nothing from the people i live with. they are all garbarge and my niceness is all fake. but luckily it makes someone happy even if it is for only a moment 24. Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? guarenteed broken heart 25. If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? i want to be happy & hopeful and stop seeing everyones flaws

schools started back to reality back to torture spring break was amazing. & its over D:

its official everything i've ever wrote about is my doubt it humanity. for a moment in time i feel hopeless but im on a high right now. suddenly i dont feel like complete and total shit, i feel slightly important. i look down at everything & i should have looked forward to the club but it was amazing. i havent had so much fun in soo long. i didnt get raped or groped, i felt attractive and sexy and danced with a lot guys but one tends to stand out the most. his name was alejandro. his eyes were gorgeous his hair was pretty cool and his face was flawless. & oh god his accent ahhhhhh so hot. he was so polite and well mannered. AND he kissed my neck my gosh i havent felt those kind of butterflies in soo long. it was nice. i didnt feel like my normal self and it felt great to step out of my skin even if it was for one night. so now everythings the same. eh its alright uh some festival on sunday, kinda excited. my friends ex-boyfriends friend is coming maybe something will spark? :] well now im waiting for everything to crash because happiness is a warm gun as john lennon would say. happiness is never permenant at one point the good fortune will end and you will crash kind of like drugs i guess. you have to feel both extremes of complete happiness and the dark hole of depression & those who dont miss out on life. so far i havent felt the total depth of both emotions, but i will. which is bittersweet. well time to vent okay this girl she calls me her bestfriend but i dont really feel the same i think its because we have different views on that term. we never have insightful and meaningful conversations. i cant trust her whatsoever she trusts me but always worries about my reaction but i dont give a fuck. everything she has to say is bullshit. crush after crush but she will never have a boyfriend because she has nothing to offer but big hair and terrible makeup. i pity her. but in the end thats all she wanted. and she acts like a total fucking blonde in public and at the end of the day she wonders why everyone thinks shes such a dipshit. she also acts like a spazz, falling on the floor, laughing obnoxiously embarressing herself like only a total idiot could and only for that wince of attention. :/ but in the end i must stay by her side for the rest of the year because she has no one else as much as she thinks she does. i kind of want one person that i can love for all eternity. someone fun and interestign that will hold my hand and never get bored/sick of me & vise versa. whos cute and funny and always lifts my mood. if i had that person i wouldnt need anyone else.

"Imagine me and you, I do I think about you day and night, it's only right To think about the girl you love and hold her tight So happy together" oh the beatles contorted idea of reality love doesnt exist its like santa clause, just another business endeavor. just to get in our pockets on valentines day it would be so nice if it was real but sadly it isnt, so we need to stop producing songs about eternal bliss and funny feelings okay? and when i do get married it wont be because i love that person but because i tolerate them. im being pessimistic or am i being realistic? who knows. got a cute bra to wear with my cute outfit to wear at the not so cute nightclub. ahhhhh. im nervous about it. i cant dance. i cant socialize. and i cant drink since im underage so how the fuck am i gonna loosen up enough to be able to talk to strangers and just dance. blonde kid with a short temper. you are the apple of every girl's eyes. attractive, funny, sweet. however you are so entirely predictable that im not even the slightest bit attracted to you. your dull. im sorry.