028. jeez i've been slacking with these entries. guess i've been pretty busy. eh today i haven't been feeling too good, my tummy hurts so much and i can't eat a thing. atleast this friday is much better than last, me and matt got in a huge fight, i blew things out of proportion but he got angry which upset me even more. plus he ended up lying to me about his phone, guess you can't harp on the past though. i'm just gunna have to get used to the fact that he drinks every weekend, but he always tries to include me in what he does, which means a lot.

027. wow i haven't written in ages. everything has been going great lately. me and matt are doing really well and are extremely happy. i got into hallmark! i got mr. simmons and mr. cuputo to write recommendations for me and within a week i got a letter in the mail from hallmark. since it was a tiny envelope i figured i didn't get in, but nope, the first word i read was 'CONGRATULATIONS!!!' usually when you get in it's a really big envelope, i was ready to cry, until i read it. i'm so excited, it's such a relief to know i got accepted. i didn't have a back up plan at all, hallmark was the only place i applied. i just went for it and hoped for the best, and it all worked out. =D on friday i spent the day with maria since it was her last day here. we finally made up, we're doing pretty good for now. i felt bad since my mom wanted to spend the day with me but i ended up spending it with maria instead. i canceled with dad so i could stay and see a movie with maria, her brother and his friend bobby. we saw meet the spartans, ehhhh it was okay. i was so happy to see matt quick, it was as soon as he had started working and i felt bad cause he ran off to see me and when i saw him later there was a huuge line. on saturday i went to matt's house around 2, we were gunna spend the day together. we hung with them for a while and then ended up going to shrek's. i didn't really wanna at first but i'm glad we did. i lied and told my mom that i was gunna sleep over mia's, when i just slept over shrek's. we went and got pizza and then drank some beer. derrick was totally gone but everyone else was okay, i had my first shot! oh yeah, a shot of soco. derrick asked if me and matt wanted any and i said i had never had a shot and he said then i have to have one, matt had one first and then i did. they said i took it like a pro lol. i had to drink some ginger ale afterwards like derrick did or i was gunna die lol. i felt soo dizzy but pretty good. me and matt took ryan's bed while shrek slept on the floor, ryan slept on shrek's bed and derrick and kenny slept on the couches. it was soo perfect just to lay in matt's arms all night, i only got an hour of sleep, if that. i couldn't sleep with the tv on. matt woke up around 630 and went and got us some cups of milk. we later felt like shit and i thought i was gunna be sick, i guess the milk was spoiled. ughhh. me and matt are still suffering from it. shrek dropped us off at my house, where we took naps, well he slept for hours, i slept for maybe 20 minutes. we then took a shower together and i got soap in his eye, i felt soo bad since his eyes were so bloodshot. we went to his house afterwards, no one knew he was ever at my house, i'd be dead. we took another nap at his house. spending over a day with him made me realize how much i can't wait for our future together. =]]] so thats a brief summary of what has happened in the last few days, everything else isn't as important. i got my laptop back weeks ago, lost all my music but i just decided to put all new music on. i discovered a few new bands. the honorary title is amazingggggggggggggg! i love so many of their songs. another great band is manchester orchestra. they have a lot of great songs too. hmm that's all i can think of saying for now. recommendation: petals by the honorary title. Tell me again the part how you didn't feel a thing, The part how you never actually really ever did, And lift yourself from my grip But don’t fall asleep. Nothing you can say can or will ever penetrate The walls that I create, When you spew that barrage of insulting words.

026. yesterday was my interview at hallmark. it went pretty well. the admissions guy said i was too quiet, but he was too intimidating and asked questions i couldn't think of answers to. the lady who interviewed me was nice though, and i answered all the questions perfectly. she said she would definitely recommend me into the program because she feels i'm a lot like the students who go there now. its not up to her though, whether i get in or not, its up to the admissions guy. so i gotta get two letters of recommendation in within 2 weeks and then i'll soon find out if i'm in or not. moms telling everyone i'm in, but i'm not yet! this guy reviewed my pictures and said a lot of them are good and are beginner photos with good ideas behind them, like they have potential. i hope he tells the admissions guy i have talent. =]] i'm really excited to go there, but it just sucks being so far away from matt, my friends and family. ugh. i was having second thoughts, but it's a great opportunity and i need to take it, regardless of anyone else. i need to do this for me. recommendation: we are nowhere and it's now by bright eyes. Did you forget that yellow bird? How could you forget your yellow bird? She took a small silver wreath and pinned it on to me. She said, "This one will bring you love." And I don't know if it's true, but I keep it for good luck.

025. things have been good lately, with everything. me and matt have been great, me and mia have been good, and me and my family have been good too. i feel truly happy for once, and i feel as if nothing can bring me down. well, we'll see what happens after friday, which is my interview at hallmark, which only determines my whole future...no pressure, no pressure. i'm not as stressed out about it as i should be though, i dunno why. if i don't get in here, then i don't know what i will do, since i didn't apply to anywhere else, which was definitely a mistake. recommendation: fix you by coldplay. When you try your best, but you don't succeed, when you get what you want, but not what you need, when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep, stuck in reverse, and the tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can't replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste, could it be worse? Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, I will try to fix you.

024. so christmas was good, the next few days were rough, my fault, i know. i snooped, when i really shouldn't have, but i learned my lesson. =] i got my new camera for christmas. it's amazzzzing.

Interlude. And I’ll react when faces find you, with jealous fits that gag and bind you, because nothing hurts like nothing at all, when imagination takes full control. And as they all grow older, the truth will be understood, because we never turn out the way we thought we would.

023. so i've come to realize that the idea of best friends, is often mistaken, just like the idea of love. when does someone become your best friend? just like when do you realize you're in love? i believe both are confused. i do believe though, that i have found love, but a best friend? i'm not so sure anymore. i mean maria is a very close friend, but i feel like she pushes me around, and that no matter what, she believes she is always right. i'll admit, i'm not the greatest friend, but, i do try. what is a best friend? i'm not sure, but my definition of one is: someone who always has your back, is understanding, caring, doesn't judge you, and so many other qualities that just can't be put into words. have i ever had a best friend? do i have a best friend? i don't even know anymore. but what i do know, is that maria is one of the closest friends i've ever had, i've lost all my other ones, or just drifted apart. she says its good to finally know that i put matt over her, which isn't true, but in the case she's mad at me over, she isn't right. matt wouldn't lie about it, he wouldn't care, and would just tell me if he did or not. so her saying that i think she is lying to me, isn't true. i just think she's mistaken, since you can't really tell someone's voice over the phone, especially when you don't know who else is there or anything. recommendation: stop and stare by one republic. Stop and stare, I think I'm moving but I go nowhere, Yeah, I'm moving. Everyone gets scared, But I become what I can't be. You stop, don't wonder why you're here, not there, And you'd give anything to get what's fair, but fair ain't what you really need. Oh, you don't know me. I think I'm moving but I go nowhere. Yeah I know everyone gets scared, I become what I can't be. Oh, do you see what I see?

022. the last few days have been confusing. i've been upset for no reason. like extremely depressed, and it sucks. matt's friend pranked mia, and she was soooo pissed and thought it was him. i was beyond pissed too, i mean i wasn't sure if it was him or not, but you can't prank your girlfriend's best friend and not expect her to be pissed off at all. i mean he treats me amazing, but not mia. things have gotta change, i know he hates her but come on, just treat her with some respect. but since it wasn't him on the phone, i can't really criticize him, even though mia insists it was him talking. i'm not sure who to believe, i don't think matt would lie to me, well i atleast hope not, and well mia could be mistaken, since it was just on the phone. oh well i guess, it's history. i got matt sick. =[ i figured i would eventually. with my wonderful luck, now that i'm almost better, he gets sick. maybe i'll make him some soup and take care of him. hehe. =] okay, so if you read this, check out these amazing songs, if you haven't heard of them before. stop and stare by one republic. pieces of me by sum 41. with me by sum 41. on your porch by the format. the freshman by verve pipe. land of no return by wild sweet orange. no one would riot for less by bright eyes. they're all amazing, with amazing lyrics and amazing meaning. recommendation: with me by sum 41. I don't want this moment to ever end. Where everything's nothing without you. I wait here forever just to to see you smile, cause it's true, I am nothing without you. Through it all, I made my mistakes, I'll stumble and fall but I mean these words. I don't want this moment to ever end. Where everything's nothing without you.

021. today stunk, but i've learned a few things. you can't depend on anyone or anything, for your happiness. theres a quote from one of my favorite mansions songs that fits how i feel: "sometimes you just gotta be alone and if you can't be happy on your own, then how will you ever be happy with somebody else." matt worked today, and it was about 7 30pm before i even heard from him once. i know he's working, but i mean theres no way he went 7 hours without a cig, so he could have called, but didn't. he said he saw michelle and screamed at her and she slapped him across his face. i hate that he talked to her, more than me. i mean it's whatever, i don't need him to make me happy, you can't live a life like that, depending on other people for your own happiness. if you do, you're just setting yourself up for pain. recommendation: on your porch by the format. now we've got something to prove and i, i can see their eyes but tell me something, can they see mine? 'cause whats left to lose, i've done enough and if i fail well then i fail but i gave it a shot, and these last three years, i know they've been hard, but now its time to get out of the desert and into the sun... even if its alone.

020. today was a snow day. =]] i slept reaaaaaaaaaaaal late and did nothing but argue with everyone today. well not everyone, only bob and aaron. both were complete assholes today. aaron is the most immature 25 year old you could ever possibly meet. i wasn't slamming doors or yelling uncontrollably today, he was. reaaaaaal mature. and bob was especially annoying. it sucked that matt had to work today, i talked to him twice all day. he has to work till late, i hate worrying about whether he'll make it home safe or not. oh wells, what can ya do. he's gotta live his life and work. todays one of the suckiest days i've had in a while. i hope theres no school tomorrow either, since theres a half day, they can't have a two hour delay. recommendation: land of no return by wild sweet orange. There's a sunrise every morning that you miss 'cause you're asleep. There's a sunset every evening, you miss in your car leaving to wherever it is that you're going. So when you go, tell me where are you going. 'Cause there's no place you can run to, forget all your longing. Is it true, is it true what they say? In these woods there's something real strange. You can walk for what seems like days and the trees all start to take face, hold as you're running in place, and then they all start to scream, "This is the land of no returning!" Oh, when will you start believing that there are monsters beneath your bed? And those voices of self-destruction could never begin in your head. Oh and love is no illusion sometimes I can see it in your eyes. And hear it moan and tumble down the hill when the traffic dies.