011. I felt like writing another entry today, rather than adding onto the other one. la la la. yeup. the end. recommendation: tired and uninspired by my american heart. You are the earth beneath my feet, you are my gravity. 'Cause lately I've been tired and uninspired. 'Cause lately I've been tired, oh-so tired. And be strong for me. And be strong for me. And I'll be strong for you, oh, you. You are the earth beneath my feet, you are my gravity. 'Cause lately I've been tired and uninspired. 'Cause lately I've been tired and uninspired.

010. happy thanksgiving. this is the first year where my grandmas not coming, my mom and her are sorta in a feud. matt might come today, who knows. it'd be fun if he did. i talked on the phone to matt for a while last night, while he waited outside for his friends to pick him up, i don't even know if they did or not. i told him to call the house phone, he did at like 130am, i was so afraid mom woke up, she did and came in and asked who i was on the phone with, but oh well. i like talking to him on the phone, i love the sound of his voice. hmm well matts not coming today, i figured, but i'm still bummed out. maybe i could see him later, doubt it though, no ride. oh well i guess. i hate thanksgiving. i love how thanksgiving was actually about tuns of indians dying and us stealing their land, yet we celebrate it and give thanks? weird. also, how did thanksgiving even become about food? i mean where did turkey, the main symbol of thanksgiving, even come from? recommendation: millions of pieces by mansions. You saved me from breaking into millions of pieces, dancefloors and beer bottles, meaningless kisses, and I don't miss a single one. I never want you to be erasing me. I never want your heart to be breaking. I never want us to ever be apart, and I don't think I could live without you, so please, don't ever go, cause I need you now, and that, you should know.

009. today was an okay day. i got to see matt, he was in a really good mood at first. him and his friends had a puking contest thing, and his aunt flipped out on him since the dog was eating the puke, that was mostly cleaned up anyways. he got extremely mad, the maddest i've ever seen him. there was no way she would drive me home, so i had to call my brother and dad, who came and got me. dramatic evening. he calmed down big time, i hate seeing him mad or upset. he went to his mom's for the night, hope everything works out, since its thanksgiving tomorrow. i offered for him to come here, i know my mom won't mind, but i know his aunt's will want him home. i'd love to see him and spend thanksgiving with him. i've been talking to sam a lot lately, he told me to ditch hanging out with matt tomorrow and hang out with him. psh, no ways. sams cool, but come on, it's matt. lol plus, matt will HATE me hanging out with sam, since he flipped with me hanging out with chris. who knows, i guess i'll talk to him about it. sam shares the same music taste as me, almost everything i've sent him, he's liked. he didn't like mansions that much though...jerk. =P recommendation: great big plan by mansions. [[best band EVER!! check them outtttt.]] Yeah I was such a mess, but the only thing I felt was the warmth of your smile upon me and you felt right, so I gave you it all.

008. well i'll be writing less and less, since my laptop had to be sent back once again. should be back in about 10 or so days. hrmm today and yesterday i was just upset for no apparent reason, i didn't get to see matt but thats no reason to cry. idk whats wrong with me. atleast mias back, i missed her tuns and its good to see her. recommendation: iris by the goo goo dolls. And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am. I just want you to know who I am.

007. yet another day, that sucked. i fought with aaron so much, but atleast i got my odorless terpentine for painting. =]] i'm truly worried about aaron. he's soo messed up. recommendation: curacao blue by mansions. I was still waiting for the daylight when you appeared, and when I'd wrap my arms around you, I wasn't scared, I wasn't scared, I felt no fear, I wasn't scared at all.

006. aaron gave me all his art stuff! i bought some new oil paint today and told him about it and he gave me all of his oil paint stuff: brushes, canvases, EVERYTHING. it's so cool to have someone to talk to about art and painting. i can't wait to start painting.i painted some stuff, it was fun. i really like the water paint and the acrylic paint. =] i started to talk to chris again; everythings chill. he was just really busy. i also started to talk to cory again. it's just not the same as it use to be, we can't hold a convo at all. oh well, one step at a time i suppose. recommendation: how have we come this far by wavorly. Hands that are reaching to a world that’s turned away from you, truth that is sobering. Your love will never cease finding the lost ones, letting go of all my pain. Turning around was never so hard until I found us far apart. Turning it over I’m left to wonder how’ve we come this far. Now, how’ve we come this far?

005. blah, just got off the phone with matt. it pisses me off that i'm not number one anymore, before four winds it was just me that mattered but i guess since hes feeling better now he feels up to seeing his friends, which is a good thing. i just hate waiting around to hang out with him and not being able to do anything else. he does whatever he wants and then tries to fit me in his schedule, yeah whatever. i need to start driving already, then i can not only drive to his house, i can hang out with other people and do other stuff. i need to get on that like NOW. i can't revolve my life around him, even though i love him so much, he doesn't revolve his life around me and i shouldn't either. hmm so i was a little mad before, but now, all is well. matt's gunna get a job at target soon, so i'm going to get a job too. preferably at marlu costumes or carmines, they're close i guess. grr i don't wanna grow up, it stinks. well today was very uneventful, i did nothing, nothing at all. for some reason chris is ignoring me; whatever, i don't deserve to be treated like crap by him. whatev. recommendation: the unwinding cable car by anberlin. Emotive unstable, You're like an unwinding cable car. Listening for voices, but it's the choices that make us who we are. Go your own way, even seasons have changed. Just burn those new leaves over. So self-absorbed, you've seemed to ignore the prayers that have already come about.

004. school sucked. i got a very lovely glare from michelle though, it made my day. she dyed her hair, hahaha..yeh it looks pretty bad. matt sent me the cutest text last night, i didn't get it till 10 30 in school though, but oh well. it said "i know i'll always love you lauren, you're my reason to wake up in the morning and you bring me so much happiness. you're a wonderful person and i really appreciate having you in my life. i promise to always be there for you and i will chersh every moment me have together. :]" hehe isn't he amazing? =] luckily i got to see him today, even though it was only for a little while. we watched tuns of family guy and just cuddled on the couch. haha then jack [his dog] farted, so we evacuated to his aunt's room, which we're not allowed in. haha he picked me up and carried me into her room and layed me on her bed. =]] later he said he felt anxious and said he was out of it, i think it was the pills hes gotta take. grrr i want him all better. hehe he told me he can't wait to be my husband, and said he honestly means that. =] i told him how i told chris that we're engaged and he said cool, and that he's only told derrick. i told a few people, but i'm a girl, thats what we do, plus i'm excited. hehe everythng about him is simply amazing, he's smart, sweet, sexy, funny. =] okay so i couldn't pick just one song for a recommendation today, they're both great. recommendation #1: you mean the world to be my edison glass. recommendation #2: you're not mine by the morning light. I can make this last, and I can hold you tightly, when loneliness has never felt so alive. You mean the world to me. Are you ok? Maybe we can talk about it.

003. so far today has sucked. i did NOTHING all day, yet again. well yesterday i got to see matt atleast, i doubt i'll get to see him today. i slept, played the sims, and listened to music all day. i also got a bunch of wonderful lectures from the 'rents. my stupid step dad [bob] needs to shut up, idc what he has to say about my life so spare me. mom and bob are trying to convince me not to go to the school i want, since its like a trade school and not a college, so i don't get an actual degree. me & matt might get an apartment together, or since the school is only for 10 months he could maybe stay here and save up and i could save up too and once the schools over, get an apartment together. who knows, i hate thinking of the future. all i know is that i want to be a photographer, and still be with matt. that's all that matters...but i don't wanna go to a school for 4 years since i can start a photography career as soon as i get out of hallmark. blahhh. sorry for the rant. well i haven't talked to matt since 1, is it too much to call? i tried calling twice, i don't think he has his cell or something since there was no answer. we talked about hanging out tonight and then he goes and can't even call. i hope he's okay, i mean he always calls. haha whenever i rant about matt not being able to get a ride or matt not calling, he can get a ride here or calls. hahah. =] poop i can't see him today, mom says its 'too late'. blahh. oh well, glad i got to talk to him some, he said he's been calling all day but hasn't gotten through. dumb mom on the phone all day. recommendation: wish you were here by pink floyd. How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, Running over the same old ground, what have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.

002. yessssss i found the ring!! well my mom did, but still. it was in the kitchen sink somehow, i didn't use the kitchen sink one bit yesterday so how it ended up there is a mystery. me and matt are gunna go back and get it re-sized to fit perfectly so it doesn't fall off this time. i'm so happy i found it. horayyyyyyy. =]]] so far today i did a lot of nothing. absolutely nothing. my ears messed up today. i suppose it's clogged, yes, ew. i had to put peroxide in my ear and leave it in there for 5 minutes. it was torture, but it didn't help any. in dead silence, i hear some noise and its driving me NUTS. mom asked if i was going crazy. ha! she has to repeat everything 756258943 times since i can't hear well and i guess i'm talking much louder, since i can hardly hear myself. sooo matt came over tonight, i've seen him so many days in a row. =]] grrr hes sooo irresistible. he had a little to drink today before he came, a few shots so his breath was ucky but oh well i guess. i stopped noticing it after a while. haha i swear our kisses are getting better and better each day. =] i can't believe i'm going to marry this boy! =] recommendation: rite of spring by angels and airwaves. The summer's gone, the years have passed my friends have changed, a few did last, the smallest dreams got pushed aside, the largest ones, they changed my life, And all I wished for has come to pass, From rock'n'roll to love and cash, Its all success if it what you need, do what you like and do it honestly. If I had a chance for another try, I wouldn't change a thing, This made me all and who I am inside, And if I could I'd thank God that I am here and that I am alive. And everyday I wake I tell myself another harmless lie, the whole wide world is mine.