019. today was good. i did nothing all day till matt came around 6-ish. i love just cuddling with him, watching movies on my bed. i wish we could just lay there forever. if you haven't heard of the band bright eyes, ohmygod, go check them out. connor, the lead singer, is fucking amazing, beyond belief. all of his lyrics are so empowering and deep. recommendation: no one would riot for less by bright eyes. Wake, baby, wake. Leave that blanket around you, there's no where we're safe. I'm leaving this place, but there's nothing I'm planning to take... Just you. Just you.

018. grr i'm getting sick. my eyes are bloodshot and burning, heads killing me, hot and cold. it sucks! my book finally came, for all you reading this, check it out. it's called revolution on canvas-volume 1, poetry from the indie music scene. it's pretty amazing. i like a lot of it. instead of a recommendation for a song, i'll recommend the book!! recommendation: revolution on canvas: volume 1 edited by rich balling. With the math of you and I aside...it's the skin on your jawbone woven into you. You are my serenity, when I think of you, I forget to breathe.

Interlude. Good Morning Dear, I hope I didn’t wake you too soon, because my mind is growing tired, too much thinking what I should do. I picture you out there, it must be beautiful this time of year. All those East Coast leaves, floating round like embers from burning trees. well the weather out here is just the same, but the garden that you planted remains.

017. hello again. life's been good. my laptop died like last saturday, i'll call to buy the disk eventually. i'm not really in any hurry for some reason. it'll just break again anyways. yesterday was matt's day off from work, i was so happy to see him from like 3-10. =]] i thought he was mad or upset at first, he always seems to get upset when i gotta get off the phone, but he's always the one to get off first. i miss writing in this journal, big time. i never have time anymore. recommendation: do you remember by the summer obsession. I know them bruises ain't from fallin' down, they seem to show when your drunk Dad's around. We can go whenever you let go. Do you remember we said we'd run, away together, holding on to one another. I'll steal the car, steal the credit cards, we'll run forever, holding on to one another.

016. today was a pretty good day. i hooked my new cell phone up last night at like midnight, best time to get things done! i painted with ashleigh today, then went and visited matt at his work. ashleigh is reallllly cool to hang out. mia IMed me when i was with her, and i couldn't really talk. she got all mad saying she really needed her best friend and i wasn't there for her, and so much for being her 'best bud'. whatever! i don't care anymore. i'm never good enough for her, and its not like she was there for me when i needed her, she was always too busy. recommendation: 1979 by the smashing pumpkins. Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below, the street heats the urgency of sound, as you can see there's no one around.

015. TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!! it was pretty good. i got some good stuff, a lot of people said happy birthday to me, it was fun. i got this wiked alarm clock that has an ipod thingy in it. =] i supposedly needed an alarm clock, since i accidentally overslept and missed school a few days ago. my bad. i was happy i got to see matt today, even if it was only for a few hours. i got mad at him for smoking one and a half cigs at a time. wtf! in attempt to quitting, that deff won't help. he knows right away when i get mad/upset, within the first minute. its amazing lol. recommendation: diamond on your hand by antje duvekot. What if the diamond on your hand, was just a common ten cent ring? What if your ice castles melt down to water? What if your great walls remained as little more than cellophane, at the end of the day?

Interlude. Yeah, you are pure desire, like a candy bar at a fat camp. If I cannot have you now, I will wither like a weed. You are a glass of fine wine, with a four star dish. You are a little detour. Make me shake like a jellyfish. You have the sweetest eyes I've ever seen. I would offer you a permanent position in my dreams, and it's not that I'm easily swept off my feet, but you are like ecstasy.

014. yessss my laptops back!!! horay, i'll be back to writing daily again. cheaaa baby. matt got the job at target, i'm happy for him, yet i hate it. it's gunna stink not hanging out as much. oh well i guess, it's not gunna change anything between us, it's just something i'll have to get used to. no biggie. so i named zeek's twin, ziggy. he's a stray, who bob insists is our neighbors cat but i doubt it. i pulled ticks off of him and hes got stuff stuck all in his fur. =[ hopefully we can adopt him. =D my birthday is tomorrowwwwww!!!! i can't wait to see matt, i hate that he has to work, but i'm just glad i can see him for a few hours. 5 hours actually. ^_^ haha so i actually like chris brown's new song 'with you'. first song by him that i actually like. recommendation: with you by chris brown. Ooh, little cutie, when you talk to me, I swear the whole world stops. You're my sweetheart, and i'm so glad that you are mine. You are one of a kind and you mean to me, what i mean to you and together baby, there is nothing we won't do. 'Cause if i've got you, I don't need money, I don't need cars, oh, you're my all. Baby, you're the best part of my day.

013. i'm in a reaaaaaaaaaaaallly good mood. matt left about an hour ago, we painted and watched some movies. it was fun, he's amazing. me and kim are talking about starbucks, and oh man i want some. yummmmmmy. kim wants me to make her some mixed cds for christmas, which is easy but hard. idk what music she likes, but still it'll be fun. sam was talking about working on snowmobiles and said i could help him and i said i wouldn't be any help, but he said i could just be there anyways and look pretty. haha. no thanks.. lol mia says he might just be nice, or have a little crush on me. i think he's just being nice. he doesn't seem the type to fall that fast for someone. hrmmmm enough writing for one day, school tomorrow! =[[ recommendation: tonight, tonight by the smashing pumpkins. [[amaaaaaaaazing song and video.]] Time is never time at all. you can never ever leave, without leaving a piece of youth and our lives are forever changed, we will never be the same. The more you change the less you feel, believe, believe in me, believe that life can change, that you're not stuck in vain. We're not the same, we're different tonight, tonight, so bright, tonight.

012. yesterday was pretty fun, i went bowling with matt, kim, and nick and all his little friends. bowling is more fun than i thought, even though i got bored and gave up halfway through the 2nd game. haha with my luck, chris and cory went bowling too. matt's favorite people... me and chris just nodded hello and matt said it'd be fine if i went and said hey to him, so i did and cory was there. matt came up and shook hands with chris, he pretended to be friendly but it didn't come out like that. matt put his arm around me and said how he wishes he could rip cory's adams apple out, no one heard but me but cory was like what? and matt was like if you ever talk to her again, respect her this time. today cory IMed me and said he wished i talked to him again yesterday cause he wanted to tell me we're better off pretending we never knew eachother. sounds good to me, i was pretending that anyways. mia left today. =[ she went back to college, but it was fun the last few days i spent with her. we played uno like old times! we drank together friday night with nevin and his friend matt. i only had 2 and a half beers, and a cup of amber mist or something, but i got soooo dizzy. it sucked. so i went upstairs and passed out. recommendation: thrash unreal by against me. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to be a junkie. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to sleep alone. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to be a junkie. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to sleep alone. No mother ever dreams that her daughters gonna grow up to be a junkie. And if she had to live it all over again, you know she wouldn't change anything for the world.