my future is looking bright, but im fucked up. life is going well though, school is good, friends are good, work is good, and i even hang out with the guy i like every weekend. my life is on the right track. but man im going to be a fuck up. really fucked up. so there is this new alternative rock station..dont get me wrong, i enjoy the music. the station plays a great deal of the music i like, and was unique to me. now its being played for all the mindless masses out there. so frustrating!

I hate friend stealing skanks who screw their ex boyfriends and lie about it to everyone but me

Fuck "X""Y" chromosomes.

I must try very hard in school this semester i think i will be able to do it but i must keep myself motivated I need to stop drinking and hooking up with guys all the time too. i read the news today, oh boy

I drink so I have an excuse to say what I want. dont lie. most people do.

I had my part B english diploma this morning so last night i thought i would try to get a good sleep.I went to bed around 11, but by 1:30 i was still wide awake. I had to take a sleeping pill just to get to sleep, but the pill didnt work for about an hour. It's not that i wasnt tired, i just couldnt get my mind to relax. My part B social is tomorrow morning, and somehow i cant manage to motivate myself to study. I should do that. I really should. Primus is quite good

The Decemberists are great. I'm so scared of the rest of my life.

I drink too much. Currently I feel blissfuly ignorant. I've comepleted my part A of my social and english diplomas, as well as part A and B of my chem diploma. Those were the most stressful and challenging parts of my diplomas, all I have left is my part B of social and english. Maybe I should be stressed but im not. For some reason I'm very content with my life. I have good friends, I like the people I work with. Tonight I'm visiting my gram. That makes me happy. Shes such a good grandma. I'm so lucky to have three amazing grandparents. I really am. At the same time I will get to see my brother. He is my all time favourite person in the world. It's nice to come in contact with family members that I love after having to live with my parents. Last night I didnt sneak out, but i was home about an hour after my curfew and my parents didn't mention it. So either they didnt notice, or they don't care anymore. I usually sneak out so i dont have to worry about my curfew though. After my Chem part B diploma, this guy that I think about more than I like to admit came to talk to me. I wont go into detail, but when I turned to go to my locker he stopped me. He asked me for a hug and so I hugged him, but he didnt really take his hands off me right away. He let them linger around my waist after I let go of him. Considering our history that was kinda a big deal. Man, I'm lame. p.s Motorcade by Beck is great

Chances are you will get pissed off if you read this. Its just more adolescent bitching. Sometimes its just nice to write shit down. I have a feeling that I will be an alcoholic someday. No word of a lie. I drink at least once a week, and im not even legal yet. I go out drinking even if I work early the next day. Sometimes even on school nights. Every time I drink i get drunk. I have fun though. For the past six weekends (excluding last weekend because I was at the bar) I have been drinking with a guy I went to junior high with. I really like him, and we have had a thing off and on since junior high. He has a girlfriend though, he says he loves her, but cant help being attracted to me. He says that without a doubt he would be going out with me, if he wasnt going out with her. It makes no sense to me. At the beginning of the summer (when they started dating) he cheated on her with me. He even told her about it. Since then we havnt really hooked up, but we hang out alot. I don't think i will get over him entirely ever. But, there is another guy I do like. We have a bit of a long history. Today I was walking outside with my friend we walked past his class and he was looking at me the entire time, but I pretended like I didnt notice and didn't care. It's a long complicated story.

Not trying to sound like a whiney, confused average teenager, but.. holy fuck guys are confusing So there was this guy who I've have this thing with for a while. well actually it started in grade 10, he was in my social class and we had some mutual friend. He told my friend that he liked me, but other than that nothing happend. we were just friends. Next year at the beginning of grade eleven we actually started talking all the time and I kind of liked him. He is the most charming guy ever and is so easy to talk to. He always tried to make plans with me, but for some reason i would always cancel them by making up lame excuses. I guess i was just nervous hanging out with him one on one. Anyways one night over the summer i ended up sneaking out and went a slept over at his house cause his mom was out of town.. So we definately hooked up. After we still talked all the time though. Hooking up didnt make things akward. He told me that he had liked me since grade eleven. Later in the summer my friend and i both went and stayed at his house again. His mom was out of town and two other guys stayed over too.. so we hooked up again. Things went on like normal and we still talked all the time. I never really told anyone about us though. Anyways, of course his mom went away again and i slept over again. I actually really liked him, and i dont usually like that many guys.. But the last time i slept over i got caught, it was four in the morning and my mom realized that i was gone it was shitty. Later once grade 12 had started i was having a sleepover with my friend lisa, and we were talking about getting caught sneaking out and junk like that, so i told her about that time at that guys house... and well it turns out that he had been trying to hook up with her as well.. and this is a really long story, but we were pissed off and bitchy so we went to his house. we acted like we had no idea that he had been trying to get with both of us all summer, but we made it so akward for him. It was our little form of revenge i guess, and then after that we both just stopped talking to him. After a while though he started talking to me again but it wasnt the same.. and I was sad because i still liked him, but i had screwed it up with the whole lisa scenario. But after school had been going for a while, we stopped talking again, and again it was me who stopped talking to him and so he stopped making an effort. Months went by and we never spoke. I missed him, but i didnt know how to talk to him, to make things go back to how they used to be with us. But then, not long ago he randomly started talking to me, telling me how much he missed me. I told him that i missed him too, but i didnt pour my heart out or anything. It was only on msn he was talking to me though and i was getting off the computer. the next day i talked to him on msn, and it was just an average conversation. He didnt throw in any cute compliments or anything though. Since then he hasnt talked to me again.. at school he doesnt come say hey, and when i sign on msn he doesnt talk to me. So why did he tell me he misses me so much?! why did he get my hopes up thinking we could be like we used to?!?