I'm so annoyed by myself. If I could I'd shut myself up. Really. But I can't, of course I can't. I'm weak, I can't refuse myself anything, that's why I'm so fat. I'm not here to complain about my weight, though. Not this time. I am, however, here to complain, about me. Naturlich. Er, yeah, how to start. I feel slightly put off with how things are going. They are definitly not going as I wanted them to, as I planned them to. And I ask myself, why not? And really, it's just all my own fault. I'm lazy, too shy and just too... weird. A normal weirdness though - I do realise I'm nothing special of course. I can't quite grasp why I'm so unhappy and it bugs me. Because if I don't know why, how can I fix it? Why do I always feel like crying when I'm alone, why do I never want to go outdoors and do something. Am I just extremely weak-willed and lazy or is it something else? Like why I never want to talk on the phone, that can't be a symptom of my lazyness, right? I hate that I don't know the answers to these questions. Also I hate the fact that I didn't know the answers to the questions asked at my school exams. I'm just a big crybaby. I know. I'm sorry. XxX winterwoods

Well, happy newyear everyone. It's been a while, again. I can't really help that. A new year, yes... I hope 2007 is going to be a great year. I hope I'm going to do better in school and pass my exams... I hope I will find a job after that and save enough money to go to Dublin in 2008. I hope I will feel better and happier, I hope I won't stress out so often (er, too late, I guess) or suddenly get depressed for no apparent reason. I hope that I will eat less this year, and cry less and laugh more. I hope I won't be bothered anymore by people who might think bad of me. I hope people won't think bad of me. I hope that 2007 will go smoothly and relaxed. I'm 17 now and all I ever did was go to school, I'm ready to relax more and after that... I'll make some definite changes in my life. I'm hoping for a lot of things this year. Please let them come true. XxX winterwoods

I can't believe it. I can't believe I said I had a crush on him. I can't believe I sort of do :(. Except I don't! XxX winterwoods

I'm always depressed after I've gotten drunk. Last friday... I had such a good time then, but now I'm kind of very embarrased and ashamed and afraid to go to school tomorrow. I'm a shy, silent girl at school, don't like attention and stuff. When I'm drunk though, I'm outgoing, noisy, I like to tell secrets, I like to hug everybody who's around, and fall asleep on someone's lap. :S I'm definitly not going to school tomorrow :(. And I'm never going to drink again. XxX winterwoods

I'm celebrating my birthday today, for family :). 'Cause, I'm turning 17 next thursday! I already got a present from my parents, it's a really cool guitar, I love it! Now I only need to find someone who's willing to teach me how to play it. Tomorrow more ballroom dancing, gah. That's it! XxX winterwoods

The invitation said the men had to ask the women to the christmas ball. Lol. Like I ever listen :p. I asked this guy, he's just a friend so I thought, why not? But I really can't dance... (you know, I think it's called ballroom dancing, isn't it?) We practised last thursday and it was ... well, er, akward. I really can't dance :p. But we're going to practise again this monday, so... I'm gonna try my best and that's all I can do. er, yeah I'm also getting really annoyed by this guy. Mister co-director of the schoolplay, you can't direct a play when you're never there! XxX winterwoods

I HATE CHRISTMAS BALLS. there's one organised by the christmas committee at my school. It's just for sixth years, because it's our last year at high school. Well, it's a ball, so you have to wear fancy clothing (I bought some stupid black dress and a pair of black gloves to go with it, now I only need a new pair of shoes, pumps probably). And that's not even the worst part, I can survive one evening in a dress (but no more than one) but no, you have to come in couples, and if you do come in couples you have to do the opening dance. It's ah, I don't know the word in english. You know, the old kind of dancing, like the waltz and stuff. Well, you have to practise that first and then take part in the opening dance. And it's not just a dance, it's a competition as well. And the best looking, best dancing couple gets to call themselves King and Queen. I mean GOD, I don't live in America, why do have an american prom! I don't like proms, if I did, I would move to America. And the men have to ask the women, so I'm guessing I won't get asked at all. No wait, that's not true, this guy asked me today, but I really can't stand him. So correction: I'll only get asked by losers. I'm angry, yes. XxX winterwoods

It's been a while. I've been busy, I had to prepare a debate, like a professional one, for dutch. I hate them, I really do. We did win though. So, yay. My birthday is in two weeks. Yikes. I'm going to celebrate it for the first time in years, with some of my best friends, nothing special. I only celebrate it for the gifts of course :p. And for the rest... Well, the play's going OK, I guess. Not really as good as I hoped, but not as bad as I expected either. There have (or has, I don't know) been some arguments, but I think they're sort of solved now. And I'm fine, eh, not really, but still. I don't feel like sulking today. I'm going to sleep. Nightnight. XxX winterwoods

yeah, I kind of am, busy I mean. It's a lot more than I'm used to. But it's nice, you know. Lot's of planning and schedules... I like that, making schedules. I'm eating. A lot. Like everything, bread, cookies, cereal,muesli bars, anything I can find. Which isn't much, because my mum forgot to get groceries this weekend. But it's still too much for me. I'm fat. And ugly. Luckily you can't see me. Hah. Well, that's it for today. XxX winterwoods

yeah. I went from upset to moody. I don't know if that's a progress or the other way around. God, I was moody today, at school! And not moody, like less loud than usual. But moody in a Mad Eye Moody from Harry Potter kind of way. It was weird. I was really... rude to my friends. I'm hardly every (willingly) rude to my friends. I'm so glad I have friends I wouldn't even dare to. But still I did. I feel like jumping around on really loud music. Well, first homework, then playing ;). XxX winterwoods