you know what i realized ... -do what you want to be happy. -take chances that you never will get twice. -act totally insane... becuase you can. love the moment, but dont live by it . becuase one day in the future , your going to look back and say... wow i wish i kissed him, and i wish i worried LESS, and i wish i went totally phyco, and broke the rules.. becuase right now is the time of our lives . "being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up." truth. mikey. hmm

the new year . what can you say? have i learned anything new? have i become a bteer person? being in a fight with my best friends isn't helping . and the only person that i can tell the truth to is me . like mikey said , i have to be my own best friend , and i kno that i am . i dont even think that i am going to go out tonight , just becuase no one wants me there i bet . anyway i dont think that would matter , becuase everyone is going to be out having fun . i'v met good people , and had many good times in 2006 . but i must say that i can't wait to put this year behind me. some of the things that i have done , i cant believe that i would ever do . and the thing about this year that i realized and learned , is that i am an honest person, to myself . i know the mistakes that i have made, and i can admit the fact that i have been wrong about so may thigns. but honestly , can you say that bella and ashley feel that way about all the shady shit that they have done? they were spying on me and mikey just for an excuse to bitch at me . and i can't believe that anything or anyone wants to be friends with that . i wish i could be a better person , and do things that were'nt shady , and even tho i can wish all i want to change , i am me . and i cant and wont change for anyone . i am not a whore , and i refuse to be called one . bella is a whore , just becuase i have made out with 5 boys , does nnot even come close to the ballpark bella has been sitting in. she had sex , at 13 . and yeah that might be insulting to some, but get a brain . honestly , ohk i would understand once , but multiple times , in all of her friends houses . and then theres ashley, makeing people cut themsleves , saying the worst shit to her friends , and talking to much shit behind her "BFFFFL's" backs , its insanity . These girls have flaws , and i wish that they would realize that they do . becase before they know it they are going to be trapped in the person that they don't want to be . i dont really know what else to say about this year . i dont think i became a better person , but that doenst mean i didnt learn a lot about myselft , becuase i did . and i am happy about that . currently? there's mikey . and i kno that something will happen and end this , becuase i know when something is right , and when something is wrong . with luke , i knew that it was not right . but then i was with mikey , and hes so different , and he makes me so chill ... i knew that it was alright . cry , spend money , date someone wrong for you , smile , laugh a lot , kiss who you love , tell someone what they mean to you , dance in the rain , break the rules , sing off key , hug the ones who you dont want to lose , fall madly in love , do what you always said you wouldnt , have no fear , love the ones who love you, be crazy , scream your lungs out , pray for tomorrow , live your life like there is nothing ahead of it . care for the ones who care for you , and forget about the ones who forget about you . don't you wish life could be this simple? =/ new year's resolution : no cutting. be a better person , no more fucking over . last song heard: Stolen artist: dashboard . happy new year? [ < / 333333 ] xx.

christmas eve. used to be the lbest time of year . its the only holiday that has its own songs, its own smell, and its very own feel. but somehow its hard to think that every year is going to be the same. i had mike last year, and this year i dont. let me tell you something, change is very hard to cope with. You get very used to one person, and the way they live their life, and then suddenly , you have to let them go, and hope that they'll find love and happiness without you in their lives. It was hard to kiss luke and not to break down, becuase even though t may be corny, i loved mike. he was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to me. he made me so happy. every time i saw him my heart would jump up, and now he's no longer there. and we fight and fight, and clal eachother hurtful things becuase we are hurting so much ourselves. I have to come to realalize that no one will ever be like him, no one will kiss me like he did. As mike said, "people and the way they kiss are like snowflakes, no two are the same." he's right, no one person is the same as another, and i guess i cant patronize people becuase they aren't like him. It's just hard to move on when everything makes me think of him. I opened my eyes one day and it was 12.21. =( . it made me think, of how long ago this had been going on. But there is a point where you have to move on, and you have to think about how happy you were, and if you were that happy once, then sure as hell you will be that happy once again. Its better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved. I guess i can't say much else, and i don't want to grieve over him forever, becuase there is no point. What i am trying to say here is...he touched my heart. And to this day, no one has compared to the way he made me feel. For other news... It's christmas eve, and i guess its exciting. The "fantastic four" has kind of split up. Bella and Carly are now the TREMENDOUS TWO !!* it doesnt really effect Ashley and I that much, just for the fact that those were out best friends, and i guess we have to deal with it. And i don't mean in drinking it down... hm. Gina was online yesterday and said that she can get shit for the last week of break. This made me so happy. Why wouldnt this make me happy. I mean i kno alcohol isnt good and everything, but a drunken mind speaks a sober heart , and thats something i will never forget, becuase i have experienced that first hand . The memories that being drunk gives you are priceless as long as no one gets hurt. I'm happy, of course things can be better, but what are you going to do ? You miss someone? Learn to love life without them , and cherish the time and memories that you shared with that person. Becuase you can always go foward, but never go back. No Regrets Baby . =] last song heard: Run Artist: Snow Patrol . xx. &+ merry christmasss .

* mikey lang ... thank you . made me open my eyes . last song heard: what if artist: coldplay xx.

5 things i need to tell people . 1. You meant everything to me , i coudlnt even explain how happy you made me , and i dont want this to seem like soemthing that is in the past . i mean this now too , no one makes me happier than you . i can lay there with you and never have to move , or want to move , just becuase i kno that you dont need me to . i cant believe that what we had isnt there anymore , well what am i saying? its always there , and when i am with you i feel like i am on a cloud . so many things and places remind me ofm you , and i dont think that will ever change . i dont want you ever to move on , and same for me , just becuase this is bliss , you and i , are amazing , and i will never forget you hun. [mike

i have to write an entry right now . i honestly dont kno what to do about mike . should be be togehter or not? i love him so much , and i don't kno if i could lose him...but is it for the best? i wonder why someone cant just give me the right answer. i wish someone could tell me whats the right thing to do . i have intrest in luke... but i WILL NOT let myself dump mike for him , becuase luke can be lying , and i don't trust guys . even if they hapen to be one of my best friends . mike and i have been thru so much , and i dont kno what i would do if he wasnt mine . i could fix his collar , i couldne hold his hand , i could give him kisses whenever i wanted to , and i dont kno what that would do to me . i wish i could have like i test drive in the life i could have . and i kno that ash and bella would cal me a whore and shit . i can tell what luke wants me to do , but WHAT DO I WANT? WHAT DO I WANT TO DO ? why cant i just forget about everyone else in the world and focus on what i want to do . mike and i fight and then "break up" but ....WOW WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ? this is so hard... i mean i hate change . so the obvious thing to do would be to stay with mike , becuase im good at that , im good at the relationship... but then theres change . where he wouldnt be mine , and i wouldnt be his , and all the people asking about it , and all my friends probably not being there for me. so i guess the quesiton in the lng run is who do i want to be with , or i guess what do i want to happen? beacuse i hate change , and i dont really want anything to change . but i cant help but think that change is good . do you think that mike and i have reached our limit? like have we reached the point in the relationship where there is nothing else to discover? cuz i was talking to luke last night , and there was so uch that he didnt kno about me , so much that i could discover about him. and getting to know someone new is so muuch fun , being able to let someone new into your heart, is the most refreshing feeling in the whole world . but then again, laying around with someone you love so much, and someone who is already in your heart , is just as refreshing , if not more refreshing . so what am i left with ? be with mike , or not . no birthday kiss , no xmas hugs... and i know that we fight a lot . WHAT DO I DO , WHAT do i do ??? *i need an answer , badly , please , someone help me . becuase i am so weak , and i need guidance . just someone tell me what to do . the answer is in my heart.... ...question, who makes me happy? *mike/luke . ..question , who makes me happier? *____ MEMORY: look in stickies , read them , and do you think luke would say the same things? i would let things work out , what am i in a rush for . but here do you remember when you were in a movie , and mike took your hand , and then took your bracelet, and then he said [which i rememebr like it was yesterday] "kiss me for it." i felt like i was in a movie . go int eh guestroom , lay in the middle of the bed... like it was his chest . isn't that what makes you happy ? stcwrestler115: leslie stcwrestler115: you are perfect for me stcwrestler115: ive never loved anything or anyone more than i love you last song heard: come around again artist: jet xx.

*moments arent everything . and its hard to remember . but mike metz tought me that . dont waste a loong time happiness for a moment . its not worth it . something health tought me too . the time where i was awake in that hell of a class . he didnt call =[ why ? these are the wonders of relationships . why you stay with them? do you love them? why do you love them? do they make you happy? are you happy? wonders of life is all... tired... going to bed. lata [shleeeeeeeeeeeee] last song heard: Keep singin' my song . artist: christina aguliera . xx.

thanksgiving . kinda weird, doesnt rlly feel like it is . i got drunk , haha on monday . wow , so much fun . i swear to god tho , i kno he doens lie it . and i kno that he worries , and i dont kno why i think this but i like to make him worry and just sit there all night and worry about me ! beucase he isnt there o make sure i am. talking to ashley .. i mean she cheated on dan !! and i cant have that happen to me and mike . but she is alwyas saying how she doesnt wanna do it cuz of him , and i dont want to either , i dont want him to be worried . i mean he has nationals this weekend, but it is so much fucking fun . i am going to go now . becuase my sister is in the room . WHERE IS MIKE!!? ahh i miss my baby ok well ill go now . cyaa last song heard: attractive today artist: mcs . xx.

this site got messed up . i dont even kno , i tried to go on here , so it was fucked up , i am so happy it's back tho . i dont even kno where i was last time i wrote in here, becuase i thought that i could never get my journal back . last night, i cut again. i dont even kno why i do it, maybe i think that it takes the pain away , or maybe i think its something that can take out all my anger on. but after its like, wow couldnt i have dont something else with that ? my mom and dad were just talking about sneaking out . it's really funny, becuase i have never snuck out in my life . i think they are so paranoid, that they are making it seem like i have, even tho i have never done anything like that in my life . i can sit inside on a friday night, i have nowhere to go , and frankly, i don't want to go anywhere. i dont think they really kno who i am , and that sucks. a good night for me is just being inside, talking to mike, watching a movie, listening to music. i love being with myself... i dont kno why it's jusst what makes me happiest . i miss so many things about being younger, but then again i think that always happens . you always miss what you don't have . x-masss ! finally it's coming again, i can't waitttt. i love this time of year . sometimes i need a break from people, but its never mike . its weird . i can spend time with him all day , or all night, and i dont ever need to jbe away from him. but other people , i feel like i want to fly on a plane and just be alone . thats maybe why i love to ski so mnuch . its just me, and the mountain, and i can glide down it, by myself, alone, and at my own pace. there is no pressure , its the wind in your hair , and you feel like you can fly down this white hill that bnlaknkets the serene western horizons . i can't even being to explain the happiness i feel from it . school is good , mike is good , i'm bored , and tired , and so happy thanksgiving break is here . "sad song with nothing to say , " mcr, best record . last song heard: disenchanted [LOVE.] artist: MCR.

tomorrow is two months. but, oh SO MUCH LONGER. two months is only the beginning. two months that i've respent my time with him. two months that make me happier than anything. i can't even begin to explain how i feel . it's like an overwhelming feeling of happiness, its so much, it confuses you. when i'm around him, its like nothing else matters, he makes me smile, laugh, and love myself. i don't care about school, drama, or sadnesss. everything fades away . everything falls apart so i can be with him. when its cold, i feel warm in his arms. when i'm sad, i feel happy. when i'm scared, i feel safe. no one else makes me want to live life more than him. when i get to actually see him, those are the best times. but when i get to be with him, those are even better. when i can lay there, my head on his chest, and just smile. thinkiong about what so many girls want. to be loved. so many girls want to feel this way . they want to just lay there with their boyfriend, and not have to force it. i dont have to make him make me happy. it just happens that way . nothing is more adorable than the way he always tells me how truley in love with me he is. it makes me want to cry, becuase from the moment i met mike, i knew it was something. i knew tht something would happen there, i knew that we would get to know eachother. and now, i can't think of anyone who knows me but him. i dont get jealous of bella and nikko anymore, becuase i know i have the same thing, maybe even better. becuase i dont love the image of mike. i dont love the picture of a boy. or the hooking up . i love the boy. i love that boy more than the world. and i can't think of anyword besides love, i love him. thats it. the end. dont forget it. stcwrestler115: leslie im not ieing i cant like you anymore stcwrestler115: im in love stcwrestler115: umm i love you for everything you do stcwrestler115: like when i say i love you im not just saying it i mean it stcwrestler115: let me explain it this way stcwrestler115: YOU MAKE ME WANNA LALA stcwrestler115: lol [tell me you don't love him. ] last song heard:A artist: cartel. xx.