just read a freshman bullition thing. looks like people have no respect nemore. just seems like the worst possible time to grow up our world is really turning into hell. high school seems like the worst and best time of your life. i honestly wish that i could just go away to an island. i dont even want to go next year. our world is a fake place. get over it.

I think everyone needs to get out of school. Personally, i need summer to come, because just about everyone is school is driving me insane. I hate how much drama has to be created everyday over nothing! People like to make huge deals out of nothing. Lately it just seems that people are waiting for something to talk about, which just shows how lame their lives are. It's sad the amount of friends everyone loses just because they want to be popular; or cooler or whatever. Always with girls, whenever times get rough, we turn against each other and fight about everything that might be happening. But guys always stick together? You would think girls would figure out that splitting up and bitching at each other does jack shit. Everyone's lives are being taken over by the materialistic things in life. It seems like the more we all grow up, the more we act like friendship doesn't matter. We all use the term ' best friend ' so freely, just because you hang out with someone once, doesn't make then your BFFFL. It's horrible how shady everyone can be just to get a few extra people to like them. You have to experience something horrible to find out who will be there for you when it's the hardest, and when it's all over. I think i realized that people change, and that doesn't make them any better, or any worse. As time goes on, you learn that your best friend, probably won't be there in a couple years. You learn that your family is going to go through hard times. And most importantly, you learn that life is going to push you around.. a lot. Life creates obstacles to see who will overcome them with you. We all need to chill out, and forget about everything we think is 'so important' and just focus on what we're really living to do. No one ever smiles at the dumb jokes, or the simpler things in life. Everything is a contest or race, but what are we even competing for? It's pointless to live up to other people's standards other than your own. The only person that you can trust, depend on, and fall back on; is yourself. When you think everything is going extraordinarily bad, the one person that is going to give you strength; is yourself. The most annoying thing is when people judge for no reason. It would make my life a lot easier if you don't come up to me and tell me your full blown out opinion of me. Contrary to your belief, i'm not going to care. No one said i have to live my life according to anyone else, and i'm not going to. Everyone needs to stop judging people if they know nothing about them. We all judge, but it's a horrible habit, and we should just stop. No one is born judgmental, racist, or hateful. It's all learned, which means it can be stopped. Everyone should consider being who they really want to be. Granted, everyone makes bad choices, dumb mistakes, and screws people over. No one said we were perfect, but no one said we can't try to be better. ..everyone posted a blog now. i think i posed one cuz i wanted it to be known how i felt and i needed people to know some stuff. usually people say that they post blogs because they needed to write stuff down , well i already write so much, so it doesnt really count for me. i guess it was nice to hear from peple about my blog. like alexis t. i mean it was nice of her to say i was genuine . i like to hear the fact that im not a fake whore like all the people at my school. I read ritter's blog, and its kinda mean , but all so fucking true. i mean regardless of the part about me and jessica, which was rather shady, and i dnt even know why she put that in there. im so tried, i fell asleep at like 6 and woke up at like 10 . haha luke.. so confusing . i need CD's . music is getting low. night .. im so tired. :x i have so much to say.. just not right here , and not on this entry. spill canvas; dutch courage.

good movie. for some reason i cried. so hard, and i have no idea why. maybe because its mother's day and i though about how well the movie shows love or maybe its Carly, and its her favorite movie. reminds me of the past. reminds me of when everything was good. the movie makes me feel good. i forgot how much i love it .

what i've leaned lately , is basically .. you have to do what you want to make you happy. imran tells me all the time that he respects me, and that he likes who i am because i tell people what i think , and how i feel . i never used to do that.. but ive come to realize that if you want people to respect you, you have to tell them how you feel . Carly called me, basically pleading for me to take her back as a friend. Of course ,im always going to love carly, but i told her what i thought .. and how i felt . i told her how she left me at the mall when i really needed her.. and how she ditched me for bella and popularity . i tell her its ok.. because i told her that i moved on and found people that i can trust so much now. she didnt feel the same way , well obviously she didnt, because she's the one with the shitty friends still. We talked about how i got away, and i told myself that i wanted my best friend to be someone that wanted the best for me, and was happy when i was happy. I never need someone to tell me that i'm not good enough for what i want. I never want anyone telling me how to live my life, or tell me what to do or what makes me happy. I think for the first time this year, i;ve found someone that just fits me. I think i realized that as soon as you find a friend you don't have to try to keep, well those are the true ones. Jessica never left me , but she was there at the right time that i needed her. Imran was there when i needed someone the most, and it always means so much that he cares about me that much. I want to be someone that people really respect , and when they look at me.. i want them to think "wow, shes been through it all." I think in some sense people do look at me, and they see that i know what is going on. Ive been through hell and back already, and it had taught me almost everything i know now. everything that i have been through, its taught me so much about myself. I have been through all the drama. it pisses me off how Karley thinks she can act like she's the only one that has been through a tough time . wtf ? yeah you are definitely the only person that has been left out, or ditched, or lied to. Don't even think of coming up to me and telling me what i have and havent been through. I know what its like to be ditched and hated and ganged up on and lied to over and over. Dont tell me that i dont understand, yeah , your right, some shit i havent been through yet. some things i really dont understand . but talk to me first , and see what i do undertsand, and then you can judge me , and tell me what youve been through . bothers me when people think that just becuase they have relitave power they can treat others like shit. Ashley , just becuase you scare people does not mean that you can talk shit about everyone undert he sun. Bella, just because you have had sex doesnt mean that you can disinegrate people until they have to go to counselling . Carly , just becuase people cant use words like you doenst mean your automatially smarter than they are. Gina, just cuz we all dont break into houses doesnt make us pussys , it makes us less trashy . i need a cigarette . im going to see if mom's awake . :] hotels and heroine. xxnight.

FUCK BEING SAD. FUCK BEING IN A BAD MOOD ALL THE TIME. SUMMER IS COMING. LIKE LESS THAN A MONTH .. ALMOST :X :]]]]]]]]]]] COURT DATE IS OVER. JUST HAVE FUN. whats the point in wasting your time being sad cuz you cant go the mall? make the most of your time. c'mon, put a smile on :]]] Waldorfworldwide! Everything will be alright. WRITE MORE LATURRRRRR. "] no juic but tea NO SNACKS running swimming crunches

Innocent smiles, infinite life trials. Closer to the end, it's no longer just "pretend" Screaming angry faces, leading to depressing empty places. Life isn't a race, but it should be, Considering the pain of this place. Come on, You'll see, you're not all you can be. Stay out all night, Until you win the fucking fight. The youthful way, we used to live, the price we have to pay. I'd love to leave, Just so I could see. Why I didn't believe. the love you had for me. Screaming lies, Disgustingly disguised. Does it end? are they suddenly your "true friends?" closer to the end, It's no longer "just pretend" This is life, it was never easy, fight your fight, Do you believe?

It's not that i'm depressed. Why am i always sad? Is it becuase i miss the people and the life i had? Why does everything have to be so unfair all the time? Makes me break down how every aspect of my life is messed up. Nothing can be okay . Nothing can be good , or great. Makes me seem like I have this messed up family and life. Truth is, I don't. I am just so frustrated. & so ready for things to change. I want to drive, so i can get away from here . It's like when shit is bad, I'm stuck in my house... The place where I don't want to be. I need to just go away . No where with my family, I want summer to come. I need summer to come. So i can wake up , tan , or run , and then smoke cigarettes, Blaze. Drink. Make the pain go away. I just need someone to help me. I think that's what i'm missing. A Boy. Someone new. Someone's always upset. :[ i miss the mall. i admit it ok? I miss last year. I miss Mikey. I miss easy A's. I miss Carly. I miss sleepovers. I miss summer. I miss innocent smiles. I miss being carefree.

SO MUCH HAS CHANGED . I AM NOT EVEN JOKING . no carly . no mike . PLEASE FINISH LATERRRRRRRRRRRRR :D imran , fone. =] 4.11 .... back . decided to finish this, or at least think about what i was about to write. i think its important to know who poeple are. i think its good to know what peoples real intention's are. who are the good people? and who are the bad ones? iw as talking to nathan, jessica, and luke about fake and horrible people. 3 times in one day where the fake and horrible have ruined other's days. Nathan lost his one good friend becuase ashley wanted him too bad? she decided to interfere with the trust and love they had.. of course nathan is upset, and im happy that he decided to talk to me about it. i feel horrible, but the only thing i could do was tell nathan : she's not a good person. & all i could tell him was what she was really trying to do. Nathan understood; which is good. I think he knows now that i was trying to help him; not talk shit about another person. He knows now that ashley was really trying to do. i think he can be happier if he just gets Ashley out of his life.. i hope he does. Nathan is a great guy. He's not just one thing. Hes funny, he's guyish, hes so sweet, smart , adorable, and a great friend. He's more than what meets the eye, and it sucks that bitches like Ashley decided to take advatage of that, and ruin his friendships with others. Jessica. She's so amazing. she has never done anything wrong to anyone else. Not saying that shes a perfect person, but i dont think she deserves to be treated or called anything bad. she is a good friend, so when she IMed me with waht was happening with kristen , i was mad. Kristen and Jess got in a fight about god knows what. I guess it was one of those things that got outof hand over time. Eventually , Kristen got me involved in the convo, Jess sent it to me, and i Imed Kristen. Im not one to get so fucking mad and bitch people out and call them horrible names, no .. i just wanted to talk to her. She said she was sorry, and of course im going to accept it.. It's not like i dont love Kristen.. but i can't believe that she would bring my personal life into that . I guess there's not much you can do with Lost friendships, or lost hope. What are you supposed to do when you have just lost everything with another person? i guess you can just wait, and try again when you are both ina different place; but for the present day ... you have to deal with it.. and forget what you had and keep going. It's hard to lose someone you could talk to. Regardless if you have been friends with the person for 5 years, or just met them 2 weeks ago. a person can affect your life in the matter of minutes, and you can lose them in the matter of seconds. Luke. Such a good guy . I didnt ever get to spend much time with him in school, even last year, he was never around me, and this year too. That doesnt mean we arent friends. Luke and I can talk about almost everything. Silences on the fone are never really awkward, and he can always talk to me about what he wants; which makes me happy. Luke is far from ugly; hes so smart; and hes so fucking sweet . Honestly, no girl would ever attack Luke for being himself. Hes a kickass guy. Guys on the other hand , they like to give him a hard time. It sucks becuase hes a strong guy, but everyone has their breaking point. taekwondodude76: you know....everyonce in a while... youll meet some extrodinary person. a person who can make you realize whats important when ur depressed, a person who you can shine light on your darkest thoughts, a person who can change the way you think. i think ive found that in you leslie taekwondodude76: im really glad ur there for me ...Its nice to hear once and a while. CHANGE? no carly, no mike, yeah .. a lot has changed. I guess i was just reading over what i had written a little less than a year ago.. and so much has changed. I never thought that i would be smoking and drinking and cutting. Its hard to think about how life was before, and how it is now. Its hard to think that a week can change your life, let alone 4 years. Thats what scares me. I just want to lat down. I just want to sleep through all the pain. I just want all the bad people to vanish. I just wish i could see how it's going to go. ever so sweet. the early november.

i'm leslie . i'm 14 , and i go to WMS . it sucks , and i can't wait to get out of there . i just like to have fun & chill out . i love my friends , they mean a lot to me , especially the ones who have been there . i love my sister , shes my best friend , no doubt . i don't like annoying people who strive for attention . for the girls that spend 4 hours getting ready for school , thats a waste of time . i have an addictive personality , but i don't let it show . i get jealous easily , but i would never admit that . i love music , i listen to it all the time . i love summer . i love to sleep all day and stay up all night . even though i may have done stupid shit , that doesn't make me a stupid person , and i believe that's a policy everyone should adopt . i hate people who lack common sense . people who think they're the only one who matters are living a lie . i'm no different than other people , and i'm not going to act like i am . i'm not the best friend in the world , but i would do anything for my true friends . i live for ncaa final four , it's the bomb . i despise fake people . fake tans , fake hair , fake nails , fake personality's . the people who think they're cooler becuase they can change their look every 2 seconds? that doesn't make you any cooler? people who treat other people like shit for no reason seriously have no life . i'm athletic . i've been swimming for 10 years . no offense to these people : but the people who can't catch & run & follow sports annoy me . movies are the shit . garden state is the best . rollercoasters are the shit . i've travelled a lot in my life , so i think i'm pretty cultured . i feel bad for the people who have no sense of ethnic respect . i understand people easily , but i am really bad at giving people advice . it's probably not a good idea to IM me with all your issues , becuase i won't know what to tell you . i swear a lot , and i know that i'm not perfect . i really can't stand to be near people who act perfect & happy all the time . it gives me a headache , and i want to scream in their face how fucking retarded they are . i love to laugh and smile . i love to hang out with the people who make me happy . i wish i lived in the 60's . i want to die in an interesting way , not in my sleep . labels are stupid . people aren't " emo " just becuase they wear black . give it up , no one cares . before you judge someone , think about how much your degrading everyone around you . you might as well just live your life . i don't like to live in the past , i live each day how i want , and i'm not too keen on looking back . we're old enough to know better , but to young to care . :] for shure .

This is where i said i've had enough . no one should ever feel the way i feel right now. A walking open wound, a trophy display of bruises And I don't believe that I'm getting any better. Any better. basically describes a lot of shit going on right now . its sucky that everything has to change so quickly . it makes life a lot harder to live , and makes friends a lot harder to keep . growing up changes people in so many ways , it changes good people to bad , and forces them to make bad choices . take it from me, i know what it means to make a bad choice . Then again , i know all the choices i make arent bad. So many people have changed right in front of my face , and its shocking . Friends get in so many fights over stupid things and how much eachother have changed, but i have come to learn that you have to change, you have to become a new person, becuase if you don't , you dont learn from all the mistakes you make , you don't move on from the horrible things that happen to you, and you don't move on from the people that hurt you. Don't change too much, but dont stay the same. You have to let life take its way with you, you have to get in trouble , and lose friends to find out who you really are. Sometimes you wonder why you do things, or who you are becoming. Your a teenager, and things are going to be so overwhelming, it becomes normal. The number one thing i know how to handle is being so stressed out you dont even know what to do with yourself. Its so easy to understand whats going on, yet it so difficult to understand why things are happening the way they are. Its hard to lose your friends, or boys you care about , or boys you knew you couldve had something with. It hurts to let people go, never knowing where it could've led. You have to learn lessons in life , and i think middle school is a time to become who you are, and shape the person you want to be for the rest of your life. When you lose someone, you feel like you lose a little part of you. You miss the way they talk to you , you miss the way you could talk to them , you miss the way they would just walk with you in the summer, you miss the way they would chill at your house until thier parents miss them. Its hard to know that you lost the old person that you loves so much, but its even harder to know that you lost someone who is still there, who is still so wonderfully there, and you just dont have them anymore. It depends who you are, but i know how i am. and i hate being left out of things, but i know i hate being left out when it comes to people that make me happy. I sometimes have to stop myself becuase i know that these people dont like me as much as i like them . which is embarresing for me. I hate people like that , so i dont want to become one of them . Knowing that your not happy is one of the hardest things. Knowing that you've changed so much that you dont even know who you were a year ago is scary. Its all about growing up , and growing out of our old skin. You have to try new things, and meet new people, becuase if you dont , you never know who you couldve been , you never know who you might turn out to be. Everyone has a point in their life where they are in so much trouble and stress that its hard to go on with the day. Its a part of growing up, its part of your character to look back and think , " wow, that was a lapse of judgement." You dont want to be someone you hate, you dont want to be someone your not. You need to try and be who you are, even if you know you've changed a little. I think i learned this a while ago . I think i know who i am, but a lot of times i'm not her. I pretend to be someone i'm not, and yeah it annoys me, but then i think , isnt that girl who i think i am part of me too ? Yeah , she is, you have many sides to you. You have to adapt who you and and how you act when your around certain people , its your real friends that you can be anyone around, and thats how you find the people who truley matter. I was walking today, and Imran said, Leslie, in 4 years, you dont have to talk to these people ever again. Its true. 4 years. 4 more, and im alone. You will be a whole new person. You think you changed in 1 year in middle school? Try high school . its scary, But you want to test who will be there for you . You want to have all those experiences. You have to . cry your eyes out. scream your lungs out. run as fast as you can. laugh until you cant talk. love like you've never been hurt. & look back and say. " I did what i wanted, and it made me happy. " never regret what you do. You can't practice life, Your living it.