Okay, that anorexic entry from early-morning notwithstanding. There is so much on my mind, I feel like the top of my head is going to come off. Unfortunately, no Pallas Athena coming out. It has been some time since I have let the affairs of my friends impact me quite like this. The subject of helping, as in helping a friend through a difficult time, came up, and in fairly heavy and serious light. I maintain however: if the person in question wants to change, wants to accept the help, then things can get better, no matter how bad they may seem. I've seen die-hard junkies kick their habits cold-turkey, but only because they wanted to get clean. By that very virtue: if the person in question doesn't want to change, and won't accept the help,. then rifles and bombs won't change them. There is a time of separation coming on the horizon, or maybe not. Hard to say now.

Arrrgh! Well, my night came to an unusual conclusion. If I wasn't confused before, I'm totally off-kilter now. It's 03:35 and I have no business being up, yet I can't seem to get to sleep (hence the late-night/early morning journal entry). Damn It. More later: Going forward. I find it somewhat necessary to point out (for myself, mostly), that I had spent part of the night before, most of that day, and the night thereof, worrying about someone. I saw them later, learned what I needed to know, and heard what I did not want to hear. In any event, things get confusing from here going forward, as the events of the night of 11-October-2006 prove. I am not sure what "got into me", but I wasn't alone in it. It's more, much more than purely physical, but the physical part is certainly a huge part of it all. Things might have been simpler if it had merely been physical: fewer emotions tangled up in the whole thing.

Okay. I could have made an entry over the weekend: i had a three-day weekend after all. I spent little time on the computer however. I learned something this weekend. I don't know everything. Actually, I already knew that, but I learned some things I did not expect to hear. Delightful and frightening things. Things that I must respond to, and yet am unsure how to respond to. If you are reading this journal, stop. Look up Missing Persons, "We Don't Know Love At All". Then after you read it (listen to it if you have it: it's on the album "Colour In Your Life"), come back. Back? Okay, going forward. There are things I want to say, but have no place, no right to say. I am compelled to take some sort of action, but nothing I would do would be appropriate or even helpful to do. How very much I want to take up this small, delicate, fragile thing, with a strength unguessed and unrealized, hold it, cherish it, nurture it, and and watch it grow. I want to watch over it, protect it (fiercely if needs be), and prove that there is something good to be gained in the struggle.

At last, Friday is here. The weekend looms ahead, like a big comfy warm blanket. I hate to do anything to speed the passage of time, but really, I am so ready to be out of the office. I have so much to look forward to, and none of it is at work: never really is. Working is, however, far better than not working: I did that far too long last year. Sitting and having nothing to do does nothing to chase off depression. Unfortunately, stressing in the office doesn't either. But at least, the office pays the bills. I love fried chicken. I know it is not the healthiest way to prepare chicken, but I don't really give a good Goddamn. It tastes good, and that was what I wanted. Besides, my friend and roommate made basil flavored pasta and honey glazed yams. Yum, yum. I love the Chemical Brothers album, "Brothers' Gonna Work It Out". I decided to try it after hearing songs like "Galaxy Bounce", and "Star Guitar" on various soundtracks. When I'm not fueling my rage or nursing my sense of alienation with bands like KMFDM, Gary Numan, Sisters Of Mercy, Joy Division, and Jesus And Mary Chain, I like Paul Oakenfold, Gus Gus, Tangerine Dream, and Jean Michael Jarre. Also, Paul Simon, Peter Gabriel, Fleetwood Mac, and Warren Zevon. I listen to a lot of their stuff. I am really not a fan of most commercial radio bands. Really, the last decade-and-a-half, I have probably only heard one song each from such bands as Cake, Sublime, Radiohead, Ben Folds Five, Jewel, and other such acts from the same period of time. I never learned to like Marilyn Manson, System of a Down, Blues Traveler, Goo Goo Dolls, and a myriad of others. While I enjoyed select works from The Blodhound Gang, Primus, Sponge, Coldplay, and Jimmy Eat World, I would hardly say they are indicative of my favorites. On the other hand, I could listen to Lords Of Acid, Praga Khan, Traci Lords, Future Sound Of London, and Moby for hours. When I am feeling especially nostalgic, I turn to ELO, OMD, Missing Persons, and other acts for the late Seventies/Eighties.

Thursday is upon us. Managed to have a spot of breakfast, and have thus far stayed under the radar at the office. We'll see how it lasts. Had a quiet couple of days at home: aside from the day-to-day turbulence of raising a teenager, there was not a lot going on at home. Day 97 (has it really been 97 days?). We'll see what Halloween brings. I am not looking forward to the coming Holiday Season. At best, I can hope for a couple of quiet days off, and possibly a decent New Years Eve. I seem to have my best Southern Manners on today. I am actually proud to be a Southerner. Girls with Southern accents are soooooooo sexy. Almost time to have a Coke and a Smoke. Too bad I don't drink Coke.

Not sure if anyone reads this (besides me), but: Recently (as in this week) a friend of mine tried to track her teenaged daughter and the man she was with (ten years her senior) through his Sprint account. While she was a 17 Y/O runaway, she was still a minor, and he should have known better. Sprint however was of no assistance in this situation. I officially boycott Sprint indefinitely.

Missed logging an entry yesterday: I got tasked with a ludicrous set of tasks at the office yesterday, and am a little irritated over that. Seems like there is a push to task me with stuff which would make more sense to be given to someone else (but, the office philospohy is to keep the staff roster small, and have everyone wear multiple task-hats). Enough talk about work. Raising a child is enough to break a strong man, and drive a saner man to drink. But, as I have no choice (failure is not an option), I suppose I will have to keep it together. Spent the better part of the evening taking care of little things, like reading comics, cooking dinner, and getting ready for today. Spent the late evening watching Futurama and Family Guy, and looking after my roomie who was in excrutiating agony last night. Love coffee in the morning. Anytime of day, really. New Comics Today. With a sceen name like "Major Valor", are you surprised I'm a comic collector? I don't know what it means, but the Calls' "Let The Day Begin", and "With Or Without Reason" are both rolling through my head at the same time. Going to load Warren Zevon, Led Zeppelin, and Gary Numan on my computer at work. I like "My Ride's Here" better than "Life'll Kill Ya". I like when they pose real hard and it doesn't even show. Fresh Basil smells really good.

October is upon us. I am feeling a swift passage of time, and not in a good way. A time of separation is fast approaching, and I do not look forward to it. Not one little bit. I picked up a copy of ELO: The Very Best Of... which has just about every song of theirs I like/love. I was also fortunate enough to grab a copy of Jagged, Gary Numans' latest. I was hoping to have listened to more of it, but I have liked everything I listened to so far. I wouldn't be amazed if this turned into the first album on which I liked every song. The first five songs have all been good. I am not generally a completionist (I got out of that phase), but I am inclined to get a complete collection of Gary Numan. I strongly recommend seeing Fearless, Jet Li's supposed last Kung Fu action film. A great action piece, it also carries a strong moral message, and has the style of the classic Chinese tragic heroic epic. Spend the ducets and go see it. Find someone to love, and then tell them you love them.

Well, the Teen workshop was postponed due to severe weather. But, as we showed up, we still got some good conversation, and some literature resources. My countys' school system is really good about providing tools and resources for parents in these the High School years. Far from perfect, but still, I feel pretty good about it. I'll have to go one step at a time from here. There are things as a parent I need to do, and there are things I've let slip as I've simply gotten distracted and occasionally overwhelmed with the trivia, flotsam and jetsam, and effluvia and detritus of daily living, particularly in the wake of being divorced after so long. Onwards and upwards they say. Going forward...

The weekend cannot come soon enough. This has been a particularly busy time at work, and the stress is making me edgy. Compounded with other stresses and challenges in life at the moment, work has become little more than a nettlesome bother: an eight-hour labor-intensive interruption to live and living. Raising a teenager is tough, particularly as a single parent. I do not often talk about my son (lovingly referred to as "The Boy"), but I am resolving to be more involved with him this year, and going forward. Hopefully, I can reverse certain negative trends, and build a lsting bridge between us. My challenge is that I do not come from a particularly close-knit family, and in truth bitterness and internecine warfare are far more common in my relations. Tonight, his school is hosting a workshop for "Parents with Turbulent Teens", which I could stand to attend. I suppose it isn't ever easy being a teenager, particularly when your parents divorce, your Grandfather dies of cancer, you're bi-racial, and have changed households and schools once per parent. Hopefully, I can find time to post more lyrics to songs by bands I've found lacking on this site. I rather enjoy doing it, although It can be time-intensive.