It's Saturday. Yay! I love weekends, especially when I don't have a crowded schedule of stuff I have to do. The only time I like to have a full day on the weekend, is when I am the one who decides what fills it. Since I am not always the sole decision maker, then I am usually a bit grumpy on weekends, even though I don't have work. Going to listen to the Eurythmics: 1984 (For The Love of Big Brother). It was the soundtrack to the movie (of the same name) starring William Hurt. See it. It's good. I also strenuously recommend seeing "Swimming With Sharks", "Code of Silence", and "Best of the Best".

And here it is; Friday, the end of another work-week. The Omega to Mondays' Alpha. Don't have too much planned for the weekend really: want to spend some time writing, some time RPGing, and perhaps continuing to organize my massive comic collection. Spider-Man 3 might also be in my future: we'll see. My son should get to spend some time with his mother, and that will be good. I miss having alone-time: I am rarely at home by myself these days, and I miss the solitude. Been thinking more about lifting weights, eating better, and possibly trying to quit smoking again. I'm 41, and I feel the need to improve my health, while I have the energy and inclination to do so.

Hard to believe it is almost July. And yet, here it is. Second month of the much despised Summer (I am not a fan of Summer. I am more of a Fall/Winter person). And why should I should I be a fan of Summer anyway? I am not a beach-goer, I am not due any vacations just because it's Summer, it's hot, humid, and generally unpleasant. I am more likely to get and enjoy time off in the cold months than the warm or hot months (the Federal Government never grants a day off for rain, or hot weather, but: you can get a paid day off for...SNOW!). I could use a snow-day right about now. It's not a particularly bad day or anything: I just could use a day to myself, when I'm not sick, or rushing to fulfill an agenda. But, enough of that. I am truthfully excited by my recent music purchases. I can hardly wait to be listening to my "new" purchases. I was even able to find a copy of Nuclear Furniture for less than $40. Next week should see the first arrivals, and I could not be happier about it. I will be able to pay rent next week. Big deal, right? For most, it isn't, and once upon a time, it was no big thing for me. I even had a point in which I managed to make rent on my big apartment all on my own (about $1300 a month). But, I also experienced a reversal in fortune, where I was not making enough to subsist on. So, my recent return to being able to take care of myself is a big boost to my mood and morale. My recent spending spree will come to a halt altogether, but that's okay: I treated myself, and now it's time to take care of business.

Since this site is dedicated to music, I will make an entry primarily about music. I am not a fan of Freebird (Lynyrd Skynyrd), Stariway To Heaven (Led Zeppelin), or 2112 (Rush). Not that I have anything against those bands, I just hate those songs. I hated being the only sober person in a room full of drunk and/or stoned people listening to those songs over and over again. I got to the point where I took over the record player (since everyone else was getting high, it really didn't matter that much), and I played more diverse selections. Rush had the Moving Pictures album out at the time, and Caress of Steel or Fly By Night were good too. Led Zeppelin had In Through The Out Door to listen to. There was always Pink Floyd (Wish You Were Here, Dark Side of the Moon, The Wall), Boston (Don't Look Back), Neil Young, and a whole hoary host of other stuff to listen to. Anyway, I was remembering listening to records with my first brother-in-law (I've had three). He introduced and encouraged my young self to Foreigner, ELO, Cheap Trick, Molly Hatchet, Bob Segar, and more besides. My musical knowledge grew vastly at that time (for my part, I introduced him to the Micronauts and the Shogun Warriors). These days, I've been getting back in touch with my love of George Harrison, Paul Simon, Moby, The Smiths, Morissey, Led Zeppelin, and others. In other words, I'm listening to music more now that I'm getting settled in at the new place.

BTW: the Pink Floyd Album I was trying to remember was the Division Bell. I made a CD last night for theraputic purposes. It was fun to do, and was (probably) helpful to my therapy at the moment. I have already begun a second one, because 80 minutes of music doesn't even begin to cover all the stuff that is relevant to me. For those who care, I think my therapy is going well at the moment. It's still (relatively) early in the process, but I have a good feeling overall, or at least as good a feeling as I can have about it. I am not so much "down" on the therapy, as I am unhappy with the fact that I (still) need therapy in the first place. I've been in various levels of theraputic counseling since I was nine: I'd have thought that I would have already developed the tools I needed by now. But, this is not the case, and I have matured enough to accept that I need something, and so here I am. I am using the things I read and listen to as a means of self-discovery. I am using my therapist to aid in translating the Self that I discover. That's my problem: I'm a user. (ha-ha). Actually, using is hardly my problem: the last illegal substance I took was back in 1985. I've been cold turkey since then. My first therapy CD (I can't share the name because I incorporated my therapists' name into the title), included songs by KMFDM (Ooh La La) and MDFMK (Get Out of My Head), Gary Numan (I Don't Believe), Pete Townsend (White City Fighting), Missing Persons (We Don't Know Love At All), and more. My second volume will include more diversity, but probably a common theme. At least I hope a common theme, which would be more helpful in my theraputic process. Despite my seeming rationality, I doubt very much I am a stable healthy psyche, or a balanced person, but I am aware that I have some sort of issue needing work. So, here I am, putting on a brave face, and making my way in the world. "Here I am, all electric elegance. With every kiss a shiver; with every shiver a kiss. Right now, I feel so shiny; It's as hard and black as it is." Shriekback, "Achtung". Time to make a Live Journal entry. Check in and read The Strange Adventures of Johnathan Violent. Or, just check out my commentary.

If your life had a soundtrack, what would it be composed of? Mine would be several volumes of CDs, and would likely have: Nemesis My Spine Is The Baseline Nerve Achtung! Every Force Evolves a Form, by Shriekback Happy Seattle FFF Fishing Disappointed by P.I.L Take It Back One Slip Brain Damage Young Lust by Pink Floyd Carouselambra The Wanton Song Tangerine When The Levee Breaks by Led Zeppelin Living on the Edge by Jim Capaldi The Mask by Roger Glover Connection Nothing Stays The Same by Elastica Numb Refugee The Wanderer 40 Elevation Surrender by U2 Out The Cage by Marz Big Decision Swamp Hey! Venus by That Petrol Emotion Purple Toupee by They Might Be Giants Awful Doll Parts Boys on the Radio by Hole More and Faster Ooh La La Megalomaniac Juke Joint Jezebel Brute Naive/Hell to Go Godlike by KMFDM Mother and Child Reunion The Obvious Child by Paul Simon Heroes Sound & Vision by David Bowie What is Life by George harrison Man With A Gun by Jerry Harrison I Don't Believe M.E. Films New Anger I Am An Agent I Die: You Die We Have a Technical You Are In My Vision My Shadow In Vain Skin Game Fold I Don't Believe Airlane Metal by Gary Numan Breakaway Gimme Some Slack by the Cars I Was In The House When The House Burned Down Mr. Bad Example Lassiez Moi Tranquille Sacrificial Lambs The Factory Detox Mansion Lawyers, Guns and Money by Warren Zevon We Have Explosive by Future Sound Of London Sex On Wheelz by My Life With The Thrill Kill Cult Makes No Difference by the Darling Buds That's a start I think. Nowhere near complete, but a good start.

Okay, so I made a Live Journal Entry. It was a half-hearted Johnathan Violent installment, but I needed to start somewhere, and that was as good a place as any. Presumably, I have an observer, and that is okay. I strenuously recommend Gary Numans' "Observer" from The Pleasure Principle, and "You Are In My Vision" from Tubeway Armys' Replicas. (Before he was a solo act, Gary Numan was the front man for The Tubeway Army). My head is still a mess. I'm a bundle of emotional live wires, barely wrapped together. On the surface, I'm all calm and placid, but like the song says, it's Fish Below The Ice. At times, it seems that I am never going to have the sort of free time I long for. The sort of time, where no-ones' agenda matters but mine. At times, I think I am doomed o a life of regrets, no matter how much I try to move forward and let go of what needs to be let go of. Of course, there are other times, where I feel completely differently about things. I seem to swing from High to Low, vascillating wildly from Negative to Positive in a matter of days.

New Comic Wednesday. I am not where I want to be, but I am getting closer. My living area is getting better. My job situation has improved. Things with my son may be on the track to improvement. I will be happy when I have time for more of my own individual pursuits. I miss coming home to KMFDM at full volume, or sitting and writing and researching without interruption. Watching TV with no sound while listening to music, and reading. Sure I'm unusual, but I like it. And that is all I give a good Goddamn about.

Okay: I am not quite at the point of the daily entry again. I am still lacking in discipline, somewhat. Still, I am getting better. Things got better at the new place as well. I got shelves put up, TV hooked up, stereo situated, music unpacked, and so on. I should be able to work on comics and RPG stuff by the end of this week. Therapy tonight. I am actually looking forward to it.

What a difference a job can make to ones' self-esteem. I feel much more positively about things in general now that I am working again F/T permanent. There is still a lot going on with my son, my divorce, and my general state of being, but I have a better outlook, and feel more like I can manage my life now. It's a good place to be right now. My process of unpacking continues, more slowly than I would like, but at least there's progress. I was able to spend some time on-line last night, which means my office area is more comfortable now. My daily/weekly routine is becoming more routine, and I'm getting my comfort zone again. I will miss the old place, and the routine I built up over there (14 years is a long time), but you know, things do change. Hopefully all these changes will be positive ones. I expect that this weekend will be a busy one, and there won't be much time for relaxing, but anything I can do to make my living space more live-able is good. I may have unrealistic expectations, but I truly want to get things in order in a short span of time: maybe a week or two. I am going to have a fairly comfortable space in my new place, in terms of having my music system, computer, TV/Video, etc. And, this new job will allow me to begin buying extras like new CDs and DVDs again. So, I won't be living on a shoestring. Huzzah. I may not yet be on top of the world, but I can see the summit from here.