Personally, it takes me to when I deployed to Afghanistan, early into the war - Mid 2002. I am not Rambo, or anything close to a badass; I was an IT guy. But we had to still out on convoys to connect and help setup FOB (forward operating bases). 4 of us would rotate on convoys, sometimes 3 at a time. This was before IED, so instead, what the Muj did ess strap explosives to a kid or a woman; someone that would force a soldier to stop long enough to detonate. Forgot to mention, convoys drive fast! Months into the deployment, on another soul crushing boring day as any, a convoy was hit. Injured many soldiers, and 3 burned alive. After that, I assured myself that getting my friends and myself home safely, and not only do I understand that may include hurting or killing a human, I would guilt free. Men, women, children - I don't give a fuck! I want to get home"! It was not long until I will get my first test. I was driving lead convoy, which was terrifying in itself. I saw a kid, no older than 13, and running towards the side of our vehicles. I cannot say for 100% certainty his intention was to detonate, but I didnt give him a chance. I swerved, and ran him over - no more threat. It was no long until the another incident occured, but the outcome was the same: I took out the threat by running over the kid. I never felt guilty, not becsuse I was some harden combat vet, in fact, I was a terrified 20 year old kid. I wouldn't go far and say that was the darkness that came into my life, or I "embraced" the darkness. It was justifiable according to ROE, and it was a war. If anything, it was colder that it was very easy to dissociate myself from seeing anyone who wasn't US ally, as an insignificant but a threat to me getting home alive in one peace. I'm sorry if this was morbid, but Decks Dark just takes me there instantly, but now only for a brief moment.
@Memster I'm sorry you went thru once, and still live with these occurrences triggering unexpectedly. that, I imagine for a duration, almost as being teleported, away from all the progress you've made coping since then, right to the freshly icy feels as they first were felt. Sounds horrible. :( your being able to share this is telling to your resilience. However your being willing share this, you should know, is much appreciated. Thank you! My childhood friend went probably in 2006 I still hang out with him all the time and I don't believe he's had quite as difficult...
@Memster I'm sorry you went thru once, and still live with these occurrences triggering unexpectedly. that, I imagine for a duration, almost as being teleported, away from all the progress you've made coping since then, right to the freshly icy feels as they first were felt. Sounds horrible. :( your being able to share this is telling to your resilience. However your being willing share this, you should know, is much appreciated. Thank you! My childhood friend went probably in 2006 I still hang out with him all the time and I don't believe he's had quite as difficult an experience as this, but you never know what people allow themselves to mention so who knows unfortunately. I've only recently gotten him pretty sold on Radiohead he was a tough nut to crack tho lol. strictly metal sort of vibe which I love the same things he loves also he just never seem to branch into other genres as easily as I seem to. But anyhow I I would like him to also read your story but doubly because it was written in response to Dex dark which he would also find fascinating No Doubt
@Memster
This is wild how things work I have never really been on this site before I literally created an account 10 minutes not even before happening upon this and the feed but I only came here specifically for a song by Home Video that I'm transcribing. So I can upload a vocal-free karaoke version of it with correct lyrics. And I'm not even sure what I need is even here yet haha.so. but yeah it's just all so Randomly meant to be some fkn how haha. Kk. 🙏☮️
@Memster
This is wild how things work I have never really been on this site before I literally created an account 10 minutes not even before happening upon this and the feed but I only came here specifically for a song by Home Video that I'm transcribing. So I can upload a vocal-free karaoke version of it with correct lyrics. And I'm not even sure what I need is even here yet haha.so. but yeah it's just all so Randomly meant to be some fkn how haha. Kk. 🙏☮️
@Maxxabstract I really appreciate it, thank you. I admit I was only able to share the story because of the anonymity. It wasn't until I finished rehab (hard opioid addiction, especially fentanyl. Almost 5 years clean today), that I learned its ok to be vulnerable. There is nothing weak about seeking help. PTSD is a spectrum (like every mental disorder/disease. I'm sure you all know, I'm not trying to be condescending). Some have nightmares, some have enormous guilt. I myself had bad anxiety (still do, but much better handle on it. But it's the main reason I was easily hooked...
@Maxxabstract I really appreciate it, thank you. I admit I was only able to share the story because of the anonymity. It wasn't until I finished rehab (hard opioid addiction, especially fentanyl. Almost 5 years clean today), that I learned its ok to be vulnerable. There is nothing weak about seeking help. PTSD is a spectrum (like every mental disorder/disease. I'm sure you all know, I'm not trying to be condescending). Some have nightmares, some have enormous guilt. I myself had bad anxiety (still do, but much better handle on it. But it's the main reason I was easily hooked on H/Fentanyl along with over prescribed opioids). It's weird because It was that long ago that I started listening to music and appreciate it. Slowly feeling genuine positive emotions, and ok with it, as opposed calling myself a "pussy" for being a lil happy. Hell, this Friday (3/8) will be my 43 bday. Last 3 bdays, I did fuck all because of depression, selfpity and misguided codependency. First time in a long time I am genuinely excited. Started hanging out with friends, and as previously stated loving music again. Going to see a bunch of bands at, I guess its a festival (in Pasadena, SoCal) Interpol, (favorite band), Ministry and bunch of solid acts; I pasted the link incase anyone is interested in the lineup. I genuinely Hope you and your friend are doing well. As for Radiohead, one negative thing I could say about them is they don't play their hits live, or not all of them. Granted I've seen them once, but I heard that from a bunch of their fans (if your favorite song is Creep, then don't expect them to play it). Do you know why that is?
Personally, it takes me to when I deployed to Afghanistan, early into the war - Mid 2002. I am not Rambo, or anything close to a badass; I was an IT guy. But we had to still out on convoys to connect and help setup FOB (forward operating bases). 4 of us would rotate on convoys, sometimes 3 at a time. This was before IED, so instead, what the Muj did ess strap explosives to a kid or a woman; someone that would force a soldier to stop long enough to detonate. Forgot to mention, convoys drive fast! Months into the deployment, on another soul crushing boring day as any, a convoy was hit. Injured many soldiers, and 3 burned alive. After that, I assured myself that getting my friends and myself home safely, and not only do I understand that may include hurting or killing a human, I would guilt free. Men, women, children - I don't give a fuck! I want to get home"! It was not long until I will get my first test. I was driving lead convoy, which was terrifying in itself. I saw a kid, no older than 13, and running towards the side of our vehicles. I cannot say for 100% certainty his intention was to detonate, but I didnt give him a chance. I swerved, and ran him over - no more threat. It was no long until the another incident occured, but the outcome was the same: I took out the threat by running over the kid. I never felt guilty, not becsuse I was some harden combat vet, in fact, I was a terrified 20 year old kid. I wouldn't go far and say that was the darkness that came into my life, or I "embraced" the darkness. It was justifiable according to ROE, and it was a war. If anything, it was colder that it was very easy to dissociate myself from seeing anyone who wasn't US ally, as an insignificant but a threat to me getting home alive in one peace. I'm sorry if this was morbid, but Decks Dark just takes me there instantly, but now only for a brief moment.
[Edit: Stuff]
@Memster I'm sorry you went thru once, and still live with these occurrences triggering unexpectedly. that, I imagine for a duration, almost as being teleported, away from all the progress you've made coping since then, right to the freshly icy feels as they first were felt. Sounds horrible. :( your being able to share this is telling to your resilience. However your being willing share this, you should know, is much appreciated. Thank you! My childhood friend went probably in 2006 I still hang out with him all the time and I don't believe he's had quite as difficult...
@Memster I'm sorry you went thru once, and still live with these occurrences triggering unexpectedly. that, I imagine for a duration, almost as being teleported, away from all the progress you've made coping since then, right to the freshly icy feels as they first were felt. Sounds horrible. :( your being able to share this is telling to your resilience. However your being willing share this, you should know, is much appreciated. Thank you! My childhood friend went probably in 2006 I still hang out with him all the time and I don't believe he's had quite as difficult an experience as this, but you never know what people allow themselves to mention so who knows unfortunately. I've only recently gotten him pretty sold on Radiohead he was a tough nut to crack tho lol. strictly metal sort of vibe which I love the same things he loves also he just never seem to branch into other genres as easily as I seem to. But anyhow I I would like him to also read your story but doubly because it was written in response to Dex dark which he would also find fascinating No Doubt
@Memster This is wild how things work I have never really been on this site before I literally created an account 10 minutes not even before happening upon this and the feed but I only came here specifically for a song by Home Video that I'm transcribing. So I can upload a vocal-free karaoke version of it with correct lyrics. And I'm not even sure what I need is even here yet haha.so. but yeah it's just all so Randomly meant to be some fkn how haha. Kk. 🙏☮️
@Memster This is wild how things work I have never really been on this site before I literally created an account 10 minutes not even before happening upon this and the feed but I only came here specifically for a song by Home Video that I'm transcribing. So I can upload a vocal-free karaoke version of it with correct lyrics. And I'm not even sure what I need is even here yet haha.so. but yeah it's just all so Randomly meant to be some fkn how haha. Kk. 🙏☮️
@Maxxabstract I really appreciate it, thank you. I admit I was only able to share the story because of the anonymity. It wasn't until I finished rehab (hard opioid addiction, especially fentanyl. Almost 5 years clean today), that I learned its ok to be vulnerable. There is nothing weak about seeking help. PTSD is a spectrum (like every mental disorder/disease. I'm sure you all know, I'm not trying to be condescending). Some have nightmares, some have enormous guilt. I myself had bad anxiety (still do, but much better handle on it. But it's the main reason I was easily hooked...
@Maxxabstract I really appreciate it, thank you. I admit I was only able to share the story because of the anonymity. It wasn't until I finished rehab (hard opioid addiction, especially fentanyl. Almost 5 years clean today), that I learned its ok to be vulnerable. There is nothing weak about seeking help. PTSD is a spectrum (like every mental disorder/disease. I'm sure you all know, I'm not trying to be condescending). Some have nightmares, some have enormous guilt. I myself had bad anxiety (still do, but much better handle on it. But it's the main reason I was easily hooked on H/Fentanyl along with over prescribed opioids). It's weird because It was that long ago that I started listening to music and appreciate it. Slowly feeling genuine positive emotions, and ok with it, as opposed calling myself a "pussy" for being a lil happy. Hell, this Friday (3/8) will be my 43 bday. Last 3 bdays, I did fuck all because of depression, selfpity and misguided codependency. First time in a long time I am genuinely excited. Started hanging out with friends, and as previously stated loving music again. Going to see a bunch of bands at, I guess its a festival (in Pasadena, SoCal) Interpol, (favorite band), Ministry and bunch of solid acts; I pasted the link incase anyone is interested in the lineup. I genuinely Hope you and your friend are doing well. As for Radiohead, one negative thing I could say about them is they don't play their hits live, or not all of them. Granted I've seen them once, but I heard that from a bunch of their fans (if your favorite song is Creep, then don't expect them to play it). Do you know why that is?
https://cruelworldfest.com/?mkt_campaign=BZOQRMFTSHOCQ2X7W0867L0U&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAopuvBhBCEiwAm8jaMRA4xNkhnmu3TsfSzyLzzz4QDQDC1wumOFrwE8vhhiL4Kt7pVOZGAhoCMVYQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds