Cold as You

so i wrote this message to someone a long time ago, and never had the nerve to send it. i used the lyrics in the song in it, so i thought it might fit what what i believe the song is about.

"wow. that is all i have to say. what the fuck. where is my life. what am i doing. seriously. i need something to ground me. i thought that was you. i thought that you were the one who was going to change things. to make it better. to make me feel like i was worth something again. like all this time wasn't wasted. and you did. for a while. but then, you only made it worse. i am worse off now as a person than before i met you. you took me, made me believe you loved me, and left me out in the cold. why? because i let you. i let you into that place that no one has ever been. i don't love. i thought i could. i was on my way to it. what you told me and made me believe and how you acted and what you did made me think i could love someone like you. was i ever wrong. i was wrong about everything i felt for you. i was wrong about the way you made me feel. i was wrong about who i thought you were. i was wrong about your heart being broken. i thought i could mend it. you told me i reminded you of her. you told me i was beautiful and worth something. you told me you cared. all lies. every last breath was a lie. you were a beautiful liar. and i fell for it. i fell hard. the way you touched me. the way you looked at me. the way you felt laying next to me. the way we were. not so much anymore. the way things used to be. the way. you have a way of coming easily to me. and when you take, you take the very best of me. you sucked the life out of me. i'm not living anymore. i'm not alive. i'm going through the motions without any feeling. i don't feel anymore. do you know what it feels like not to feel? oh wait, of course you do. you couldn't give two shits about me. you will never again tell me i mean something to you. you did once before. twice. three times. infinity. i believed it. i believed your ugly lies because they came from such a beautiful mouth. and where have they gotten me? back a place i have never wanted to be again. a place that no one should ever be. a place that is dark and alone. you took me down with you. you're not worth anything. you're not worth my tears. you're not worth my heartache. counting all the scars you made. not scars. scabs. scabs heal and become beautiful again. and that's what i will do. i will heal and become beautiful again. right now, i'm not worth it. i'm not sorry and i don't apologize. that's what you did to me. and i am taking it out on other people that don't deserve it. when she said you sucked the life out of me, i cried. i cried because it's my fault. i let you in. you came in and trashed my heart. then left for her. the ugly, worthless, piece of shit wench you call baby. you used to call me that. baby. fuck you baby. liar. a beautiful liar. you made me believe i could help you heal. you made me believe i was the one who could save you. well, save this, sweetheart."

sorry if it seems a little angry, but this was raw emotion, almost to the point of hatred for a certain jerk. i never got the nerve to send it, but it did help me heal.