I'm not sure if you wanted me to be critical, or simply tell you it's well written. So, I'll do the first of the two. For one, it's short. But I really like the imagry. The third stanza though, last line, I'm not sure how it fits in with the warmth and such. Aswell, reusing the word lie (lies) in one stanza with two differnet meanings could be a bad idea. Basicly, I'm trying to say this could make a good song but I have doubt about how the line "well I live a lie" will flow. I could always be proven wrong and when sung it could fit perfectly... Just trying to help.
I'm not sure if you wanted me to be critical, or simply tell you it's well written. So, I'll do the first of the two. For one, it's short. But I really like the imagry. The third stanza though, last line, I'm not sure how it fits in with the warmth and such. Aswell, reusing the word lie (lies) in one stanza with two differnet meanings could be a bad idea. Basicly, I'm trying to say this could make a good song but I have doubt about how the line "well I live a lie" will flow. I could always be proven wrong and when sung it could fit perfectly... Just trying to help.