Halloween Costumes

Saturday Night Live's <i>Weekend Update</i> from sometime in the early '90s...
<b>Kevin Nealon:</b> Here again with his Halloween costume suggestions is Adam Sandler. Adam?
<b>Adam Sandler:</b>If you're not out trick-or-treating right now, there's a pretty good chance you didn't want to spend the money on a fancy costume. Well, you really don't have to, and you still have plenty of time to get loads of candy tonight with my low-cost costume ideas. You can just use your face. Go as Smiley Boy. 'Hey! I'm Smiley Boy! Look at me! I've got a big smile on my face! Now gimme some candy! Come on, I'm smilin' away here! What do you want from me? Gimme that candy!'
Or you can go as About-To-Sneeze Man. 'Hey, I'm About-To-Sneeze Man and I want some candy! Look at me, all squished up like I'm gonna sneeze! Before I do, could you give me some candy? Ahh...ahhh...ahhhh....CANDY!'
Or you could use a prop, you know, you have lying around the house. A newspaper's great. You can go as Crazy Newspaper Face. 'I'm Crazy Newspaper Face! And I want some candy! Give some candy to Crazy Newspaper Face! My face ain't normal, it's a damn newspaper! Come on, extra, extra, read all about me, I need some candy!'
Or you can go as Crazy Newspaper Unicorn Man. 'I'm Crazy Newspaper Unicorn Man! And I do believe I want some candy! Come on, I'm almost extinct. Give me the candy!' <i>*makes sound of Unicorn neighing*</i>
A sneaker is great too, you can use a sneaker. 'I'm Crazy Sneaker Hand. Hello, perhaps you've heard of me. I have a sneaker for a hand, and I want some candy. Now fork some candy over pronto. Don't make me use this sneaker I have for a hand in a <i>bad</i> way... CANDY!'
Or, go as Crazy Guy Under The Desk. <i>*crawls under the desk*</i> 'I'm Crazy Guy Under The Desk! Just 'cause you can't see me, don't mean I don't want candy! Just leave the candy on the desk! I am warning you, do <i>not</i> come down here! Did I mention I was... <i>crazy</i>?!'
Or you can use something from your school supplies, like this protractor. 'I'm Crazy Protractor Face! I don't believe we've had the honor. My vision is impaired, but I can still see you've got candy! I want that candy!'
Or, go as Crazy Protractor Beard. 'I'm Crazy Protractor Beard! Look, I got a beard made out of a damn protractor! Isn't that bizarre?! Now, I believe you're gonna give me some candy. I got all night. I'm just a guy who's got a protractor for a beard! I got nowhere to go so you might as well cough up that candy!' Happy Halloween, everybody!