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Maynard's Dick Lyrics

It's all an open center
Opens up and lets the wind lift him away
It doesn't have to feel water
? It's just a place that feels right with him ?
Kinda like the way you're breathing
I kinda like the way you keep looking away
Would you like to glide on
Slide a mile six inches at a time on Maynard's dick

There's a shyness found in reason
Apprehensive influence swallow away
You seem to feel abysmal take it
? then you're careful grace for sure ?
Kinda like the way you're breathing
Kinda like the way you keep looking away
Would you like to climb on
Climb on my six inches and go down on Maynard's dick

Took you out in the back of the toolshed
Put it right on top of your forehead
Took you out in the back of the toolshed
Now you know what you're fuckin with... Maynard's dick!
Song Info
Submitted by
zekey Baby On Jan 06, 2002
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137 Meanings

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Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

This song DOES have a very serious meaning... a hilariously serious meaning. anyone familiar with the phrase "get off my dick"? If someone is on your dick, it means they're all up in your shit because they adore you so much.

Maynard is making fun of YOU, the fans, all up on his shit, trying to decipher every fucking word because you worship him so much. The cherry on top? "Maynards dick"is the phrase he has you singing at the top of your lungs. and when i say you i mean us lol cause im listening to this song right now and IT FUCKING ROCKS

Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

Hey I'd be proud to take a ride on Maynard's dick.

Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

their are only two guys that i would have sex with and thats maynard james keenan and dave brockie (oderous urungus of gwar)

disclaimer: i'm not gay. thank you

@tricky_dick then, you're a girl?

@tricky_dick ur totally gay

@tricky_dick I 100% agree

Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

Just a fuckin-around kinda song. Or maybe it has a meaning SO DEEP, that we just aren't getting it.

I'm sure there are a lot of people (myself included) who would like to get this song (or at least it's name sake) SO DEEP. ;) Yeah I know. Inappropriate. But I had to.

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Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

"Slide a mile six inches at a time on Maynard's dick."

1 mile = 5,280 feet 5280 x 2 = 10,560 10,560 thrusts on Maynard's dick Average thrust is 1.2 seconds 1.2 seconds x 10560 thrusts = 12,672 seconds 12,672 seconds = 211 minutes 12 seconds 211 minutes 12 seconds = 3 hours 31 minutes 12 seconds 1 mile / 3 hr 31 min 12 sec = 0.2840909 mph

Sliding a mile at 0.28409 mph for 3 hr 31 min 12 sec, getting thrusted 10,560 times...

I'd hit it.

You forgot to divide by six D:

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Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

118 comments... you guys SURE do like to talk about some guy's dick, THAT'S for sure.

it aint just any dick baby!

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Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

This song is hilarious. When I first got this album and this song started I was like, "wow a Tool song with a happy sound to it, I like it." And then it turns out to be about Maynards dick! Great song

Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

You know what I love? How some of you guys call Maynard by his birth name like you know him or something. Oh yeah, the best part-you call him James while schooling others on how they should stop pretending they know everything about Tool. Man, I love people.

Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

only six inches ??????

hehe, just kidding :)

all hail maynards dick :D

@SoBeR~STiNKFiST This is the first thing I click on when I appear on this website. I'm so confused but now I need to hear this song

Cover art for Maynard's Dick lyrics by Tool

Don't Listen to the lyrics next time u listen to this song. It is one of the coolest riffs ever. Its very simple. Adam Jones is a genious. Maynard is a goofy genious. Danny is amazing and Justin is hardcore.