There must be 5000 ways to die
And each one ends the same way if you try
Your friends all stand around
While they dump you in the ground
And the people who loved you will ask why oh why oh why oh why

And the bastard you hated the most
Will stand up and give you a toast
He'll say "We were such good friends especially near the end"
Then he'll feel up your girlfriend in front of your ghost

So get in your car and drive real fast
Up in the attic with a shotgun blast
Take a bath with a clock radio
Vodka and valium overdose
Have you ever tried?
There must be 5000 ways to die

And if you're very lucky
You'll get your picture in the paper on page three
25 words will summarize how you spent your whole damn life
One day on that page
Next day into the hamster cage

So get in your car and drive real fast
Up in the attic with a shotgun blast
Take a bath with a clock radio
Vodka and Valium overdose
All the glamour can be yours with a loaded .44
Have you ever tried?
There must be 5000 ways to die


Lyrics submitted by ScreamingInfidelity

5000 Ways to Die Lyrics as written by Parry Gripp Dave Ehrlich

Lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc.

Lyrics powered by LyricFind

5000 Ways To Die song meanings
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9 Comments

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  • 0
    General Comment

    this song kicks ass,it makes me wanna get a shot gun and blow my head off

    jimbo13on July 07, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    this song kicks ass,it makes me wanna get a shot gun and blow my head off

    jimbo13on July 07, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    i wont stop you, and i'll feel up ur g'friend in front of your ghost:D

    craigsbrotheron July 18, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    it's an anti-suicide song. Who would want their girlfriend felt up by some jerk or a picture of themself crapped on by a hampster? I love the song though because i find death humor really funny

    AntiSoundon August 19, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    i agree with AntiSound its against suicide and it is a very funny song, and catchy 2

    punkrawkk!don April 29, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    I think it's not only anti-suicide, it's also some kind of sociocritical, because "the bastard you hated the most is giving the toast and talking of friendship" and "the page in the paper about how you spent your wohle damn life", that are both signs for what people are if you would die. They wouldn't be authentic or honest.

    Alexiel_Lagunaon March 31, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    I don't find it all that anti suicide, i think it makes fun of death in general though. Everyone gets the 25 words and the assholes who didnt really know you talking about you like you were a good friend at the funeral or having the obit became the bottom of a hamster cage.

    puberton January 06, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    This is like a parody of Paul Simon's 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.

    suchaheroon June 12, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General Comment

    I think this song is brilliant. It's funny, but it's actually kinda true and has a meaning as an anti suicide song. Particularly the bit about '25 words will summerise how you spent your whole damn life' - when people top themselves people think and talk about how the died rather than what they did when they were living.

    psycholollyon July 23, 2006   Link

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