Blindfold

There's an insight that came to me while listening only the other day (and for the thousand and eighth time, I might estimate), and it has to do with the latter half of the song, and what it means.

To me, it is the crushing feeling of being left out.

"On my suicide cloud Left me in the pit of my morning pout"

The scene opens with him in an upset daze, presumably in his bed (On my suicide cloud). He is saying that he was left there, and it could perhaps be assumed that his day usually starts with this morning depression.

"An emptiness throughout This scarred and sullied soul you threw out"

This seems to expand upon the feeling of loathing that he is feeling towards the person who is out and about, feeling good, while he is alone in his bed and feeling absolutely abhorrent. He feels very personal that he is left to his bed.

"What possessed you not to include me? How have you failed to invite me? How could you laugh with her in that theatre When you're off and I'm alone..."

This is the most revealing of all. The first two lines speak for this entire idea, as he was left to his depressing setting while someone else (a friend, an ex-lover, perhaps both together even?) made no regard in inviting him to the fun that was being had. The third line is one that shines through and hits the hardest for me, in that "How could you laugh with her in that theater?" implies his resentment in the fact that they had fun, and that they enjoyed themselves, while he lay at home in misery. It is solidified by "When you're off and I'm alone.", and it is after that lyric that he lets out his anger and frenzy in that bloodcurdling scream. All of his rage for that one, petty moment suddenly becomes the biggest thing in the world.

I used to feel this way as a kid, particularly when friends would make plans without me and for seemingly no reason at all. Could I be wrong about the song being about this? Of course, but I will never not think of this when I hear this part of the song.

Absolutely crushing.

Seems to mirror the feelings of getting over someone. There's the intense sadness that follows, then a gentle optimism, and then a kind of resentment and anger that follows. Absolutely stunning. The first 3 or 4 minutes are incredibly difficult to listen to.

i agree that this song is absolutely crushing.

even more difficult to understand/deal with than actually being abandoned (this scarred and sullied soul you threw out) can be the fact that life, new life, goes on for the person that left... that they walked away into another world, and left you to watch.

Blood ridden hands are the first things To come through the bed When all the pain in your life Comes to a head

The blood on the hands suggests guilt, and sure enough, we're lead to the sudden revelation that causes the end of a 3-year relationship (Three years fold) seemingly because Kozelek has been cheated on (through your lies untold). I think 'untold' could be read as 'untolled', meaning the lies have gone without him pressing them for answers for three years.

Perhaps the relationship was only meant to be a short one- the 'poor lost soul with no place to go' only meant to 'wait until winter and [would by then find themself and go]'. Alternatively the 'then you'll know' could be a reference to the revelation of the lies to follow, when finally 'innocence undoes her blindfold'. I think we're clearly to read this as Kozelek's innocence, Innocence having been given a gendered persona.

Who else's hands have touched Who I best understand Held close the neck and waist Of my adult orphan

This then is a pretty clear indictment for the Poor Lost Soul's cuckoldry, 'who I best understand' illustrates the gravity for Kozelek but it is also ironic because he clearly hasn't had a clue until now. 'My adult orphan' suggests both owning and disowning, perhaps the severance is not complete; it's either tender or patronizing depending on how you read it.

'This summer ends, the evenings we spent' so the winter's here. 'Life under China dinner din' is elliptical. The 'dinner din' may well be an argument, 'life under china'- the hurling of crockery? The tapping of a plate to hush for a ceremonial speech? Something he heard on the radio whilst writing this thing? He's actually dug a hole for himself beneath the People's Republic? The ceremonial speech suggestion would fit nicely for 'Wishes best to mystery address' but really I reckon it's that he's still wishing fondly after her who's whereabouts are now unknown.

'I found deep in your occult key chest' is somewhat sexual. I think it also means that Kozelek feels he still knows how to reach the Poor Lost Soul even though he no longer knows where she is and he gained this ability from their time spent together.

On my suicide cloud Left me in the pit of my morning pout An emptiness throughout

Surely it should be emended to 'mourning pout', this reads as a straightforward allegory for depression. 'This scarred and sullied soul you threw out' -Dah-dah! Kozelek was the Poor Lost Soul all along, yes, it's cake-in-the-rain-and-eat-it stuff. If you go back to the start and try to read it though this way it falls apart somewhat, but it's emotional rather than literal- he's been made to feel like that abandoned soul he took in.

What possessed you not to include me How have you failed to invite me How could you laugh with her in that theater

...and, rather petulantly, he can't quite beleive the turnaround.

'When you're off and I'm alone'

Rrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.