Ill Ender

These tears are only empty vessels
Raining down upon this
Ill hopeless bloodstained terrain
I once hoped to strive here
I never thought I’d die here
Pain gives them strength
They laugh and watch my breakdowns
Weep as I may, screaming in fright
Nobody cares
A plea for help falls on deaf ears
Flawed ritual eager to flee
Screaming to the masses
In hope that they would hear
They pretended to care, deceivers
They all nodded with concern
Fake reassuring gestures
As if that changed anything
Documented and filed away
Strategies and detailed plans
Focus group shams
Another bell another searing message
Another threat, another sinister taunt
I try to ignore the pain
I try to numb it with a blade
My once delicate skin is a caricature
Of the child I used to be so sweet
So innocent
A few more slices the red
Makes their words subside
Digging deeper in my forearm
Used to make me feel so fine
But lately this feels so boring
Fresh canvas is what I need
To paint and maim a new idea
Another bell another searing message
Another threat, another sinister taunt
I try to ignore the pain
I try to numb it with a blade
So rejuvenated
Let’s make someone else weep
They have consumed me whole
Essence is fueled by hate
I strive to endure
But that end seems too late
Far too late
Shattered blind and weeping
Broken empty human
I finally decide to rest
Their spiteful words and voices
Continuously constant echoing
Never ending cycle repeating within me
I cry for guidance
To sullen over packed ears
There is no one that can help me
There is on one that cares
I found my father’s gun
I brought it to school
I shook as I fired it
I screamed as they did too
I hoped this would end it
But I just made things worst