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Florida Man Lyrics
Should you ever settle down in the Sunshine State
You should know of its tangled fate...
How the conquistador came down to Florida
Long before it had a name
The medicine man of the Seminole
Knelt at the sacred flame
And he cursed the soul of the conquistador
And his son, and his sons, and the young ones
Of the Florida Man
Florida Man - Florida Man - Florida Man
Down at the mall
Where the boas crawl
Ted makes love to a concrete wall
(Florida Man!)
His brother, Red, said his Uncle Ned
Found Elvis in a loaf of bred
High on meth, there's little Beth
The neighbor's cat is on her breath
Dan dreams he's got wings of fire
He's waking' and shaking' on a power wire
Florida Man - Florida Man - Florida Man
Slim sees his face on a moonlit wave
Gets a shovel, digs his own grave
Lee hates plate glass, he drives right through it
Said "Alice's caterpillar made him do it"
A Miami Nurse snatches a purse
Drives down the freeway in reverse
Rip asks the cops to test his drugs
After they find him hiding underneath a rug
Florida Man - Florida Man - Florida Man
Don't you laugh
It could be you
The Seminole curse always comes true
You can jeer but you don't understand
That any fragile soul
Can be a Florida Man
You should know of its tangled fate...
How the conquistador came down to Florida
Long before it had a name
The medicine man of the Seminole
Knelt at the sacred flame
And he cursed the soul of the conquistador
And his son, and his sons, and the young ones
Of the Florida Man
Where the boas crawl
Ted makes love to a concrete wall
(Florida Man!)
Found Elvis in a loaf of bred
The neighbor's cat is on her breath
He's waking' and shaking' on a power wire
Gets a shovel, digs his own grave
Said "Alice's caterpillar made him do it"
Drives down the freeway in reverse
After they find him hiding underneath a rug
It could be you
The Seminole curse always comes true
You can jeer but you don't understand
That any fragile soul
Can be a Florida Man
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The song if formed by a collection of real-life news from the infamous "Florida Man", a meme born from Florida's laws of easy public access of every police report on their website, regardless of how silly and irrelevant they are. According to the song Florida people are sillier and crazier than the average citizen due to a curse once cast from the old natives upon the Europeans who colonized the area.