This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
I spit my heart out, lookin' out for my best interests
He gave me good head, peepin' out while the windows tinted
I speak in tongues, and I arrive without a damn mention
It's kinda sick and I was born in 1996 and
1999 the only year that I remember
I slip through the cracks without havin' a damn temper
I bleach my hair because these bitches all about they bitchin'
I say shit when I rap and y'all niggas barely listen
I do the most for the culture, nigga, by just existing
Delete my tweets 'cause I'm ashamed of being a fuckin' Simpson
I told my mom I was gay, why the fuck she ain't listen?
I signed a pub deal and her opinion fuckin' disappearin'
I'm payin' bills for my sister and tryna fund her business
Is it homophobic to only hook up with straight niggas?
You know, like closet niggas, masc-type
Why don't you take that mask off? That's the thought I had last night
Why you always rap about bein' gay?
'Cause not enough niggas rappin' be gay
Where I come from niggas get called "faggot" and killed
So I'ma get head from a nigga right here
And they can come and cut my hand off and
And my legs off and
And I'ma still be a boss 'til my head go, yeah
Friendly meal, cop and steal, all my niggas down
Twistin' on the truth, tired and crack inside
Friendly meal, cop and steal, all my niggas down
Twistin' on the truth, tired and crack inside
Friendly, friendly, friendly steal, all my niggas down
Twistin' on the truth, tired and crack, crack, crack
Friendly meal, cop and steal, all my niggas down
Twistin' on the truth, tired and crack
I don't trust nobody 'cause they don't deserve it
Niggas run in your house, they know you doin' dirty
I got my hand on an ounce so now I got money servin'
I just bought me a fifth and now I'm speedin', swervin'
I took an eighth of them shrooms and now I'm hearin' voices
I took like two of them pills, I can't remember nothing
I ain't under control, I'm losin' motor function
I need an intervention, I need an exorcism
I need a therapist, paranoia and drug addiction
It's very scary, my momma don't even recognise me
I'm goin' crazy, don't need nobody to say they love me
My acts of desperation, I'm on an empty stomach
So fuck the consequences, I ain't runnin' from them
Feelin' like a goner
Put my life in locker
Hotbox in the Hummer
Hotbox in the summer
If I had the option, I would do it all again
If I had the option, I would do it all again
I just wanna feel like I did the right program
I just want to appeal to my dad and my cousins (again)
When I cut that feel I do nothing but diplomas
Love is going, bet you didn't do it by your lonesome
So I forgive my mommy, daddy, auntie and my uncles
For guilt-tripping feelings whenever they call my number
They see men dream, they see men fallin'
But when I dream, I'm smashing on a llama
Both pessimistic, drug addicted, caught in our feelings
We spit venom then stare at the ceiling wondering why
My mom's no alcoholic, she just wanna drown her sorrows
Love her to death and soon enough I'll give back all I borrowed
Both so submissive, take turns dominating, the light has been faded
This hate-fueled love, we don't fake it, no giving, just taking
I took some steps to be a bigger person
I should've thrown ya off the highway to cause swerving
Ain't no burden, ain't no sermon, ain't no motherfuckin' plaque
I hate these hospitals and police and the smell of death, all that
I hate these shady folk that want a ladylike
But don't treat lady right, but they be sayin' like "just the tip"
And, yeah, you mad 'cause she ain't fuck, mad 'cause she ain't suck
Beat your ass before you got time to say "why not?"
Here to catch ya slip up, wish you could just rewind
Time to not fuck up, thought you were just lucked up
Where the respect? Is your ass human?
I look you in your eyes, say "fuck you, are you fuckin' stupid?"
Respect my mother, 'spect my sister, 'spect these women, boy
I get my 99, I don't own one, hit the store to blow your brains off
Better hope my aim off
Better hope the range off
Better hope my tame off
Before I blow your brains off, boy
No hands with the stunts
Jump off the roof like I do what I want
All of the life in my past wanna haunt
And my sight of the future beginning to taunt my ambition
Man on the moon, I'm marooned
I ain't trippin', I'm on a mission
Every time that I speak they ain't skippin'
Turned my inspiration to a vision
That's a given, no slipping
He gave me good head, peepin' out while the windows tinted
I speak in tongues, and I arrive without a damn mention
It's kinda sick and I was born in 1996 and
1999 the only year that I remember
I slip through the cracks without havin' a damn temper
I bleach my hair because these bitches all about they bitchin'
I say shit when I rap and y'all niggas barely listen
I do the most for the culture, nigga, by just existing
Delete my tweets 'cause I'm ashamed of being a fuckin' Simpson
I told my mom I was gay, why the fuck she ain't listen?
I signed a pub deal and her opinion fuckin' disappearin'
I'm payin' bills for my sister and tryna fund her business
Is it homophobic to only hook up with straight niggas?
You know, like closet niggas, masc-type
Why don't you take that mask off? That's the thought I had last night
Why you always rap about bein' gay?
'Cause not enough niggas rappin' be gay
Where I come from niggas get called "faggot" and killed
So I'ma get head from a nigga right here
And they can come and cut my hand off and
And my legs off and
And I'ma still be a boss 'til my head go, yeah
Friendly meal, cop and steal, all my niggas down
Twistin' on the truth, tired and crack inside
Friendly meal, cop and steal, all my niggas down
Twistin' on the truth, tired and crack inside
Friendly, friendly, friendly steal, all my niggas down
Twistin' on the truth, tired and crack, crack, crack
Friendly meal, cop and steal, all my niggas down
Twistin' on the truth, tired and crack
I don't trust nobody 'cause they don't deserve it
Niggas run in your house, they know you doin' dirty
I got my hand on an ounce so now I got money servin'
I just bought me a fifth and now I'm speedin', swervin'
I took an eighth of them shrooms and now I'm hearin' voices
I took like two of them pills, I can't remember nothing
I ain't under control, I'm losin' motor function
I need an intervention, I need an exorcism
I need a therapist, paranoia and drug addiction
It's very scary, my momma don't even recognise me
I'm goin' crazy, don't need nobody to say they love me
My acts of desperation, I'm on an empty stomach
So fuck the consequences, I ain't runnin' from them
Feelin' like a goner
Put my life in locker
Hotbox in the Hummer
Hotbox in the summer
If I had the option, I would do it all again
If I had the option, I would do it all again
I just wanna feel like I did the right program
I just want to appeal to my dad and my cousins (again)
When I cut that feel I do nothing but diplomas
Love is going, bet you didn't do it by your lonesome
So I forgive my mommy, daddy, auntie and my uncles
For guilt-tripping feelings whenever they call my number
They see men dream, they see men fallin'
But when I dream, I'm smashing on a llama
Both pessimistic, drug addicted, caught in our feelings
We spit venom then stare at the ceiling wondering why
My mom's no alcoholic, she just wanna drown her sorrows
Love her to death and soon enough I'll give back all I borrowed
Both so submissive, take turns dominating, the light has been faded
This hate-fueled love, we don't fake it, no giving, just taking
I took some steps to be a bigger person
I should've thrown ya off the highway to cause swerving
Ain't no burden, ain't no sermon, ain't no motherfuckin' plaque
I hate these hospitals and police and the smell of death, all that
I hate these shady folk that want a ladylike
But don't treat lady right, but they be sayin' like "just the tip"
And, yeah, you mad 'cause she ain't fuck, mad 'cause she ain't suck
Beat your ass before you got time to say "why not?"
Here to catch ya slip up, wish you could just rewind
Time to not fuck up, thought you were just lucked up
Where the respect? Is your ass human?
I look you in your eyes, say "fuck you, are you fuckin' stupid?"
Respect my mother, 'spect my sister, 'spect these women, boy
I get my 99, I don't own one, hit the store to blow your brains off
Better hope my aim off
Better hope the range off
Better hope my tame off
Before I blow your brains off, boy
No hands with the stunts
Jump off the roof like I do what I want
All of the life in my past wanna haunt
And my sight of the future beginning to taunt my ambition
Man on the moon, I'm marooned
I ain't trippin', I'm on a mission
Every time that I speak they ain't skippin'
Turned my inspiration to a vision
That's a given, no slipping
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