Glass Joe's Title Fight

Bonjour, hello, my name is Glass Joe
I'm the toughest French boxer that you're ever gonna know
I score a TKO, then drink a fine Bordeaux
And flatten all my opponents like croissant dough
I fight next week for the champion belt
Mr. Sandman is tough and I might need a little help
So I hired Doc, he once trained an elf
Named Little Mac, so now I believe in myself
I'm Doc, hi, this bitch is gon' die
His overall record stands at 1 and 99
He's been hit in the head 75 too many times
Now he wants to fight Sandman, dear God why?
His head and his ass are 'bout to go through an estrangement
I think I'll start making all the funeral arrangements
I have to be responsible and tell him he can't win
Here's ten bucks!
Fuck it, let the training begin!
Whoa whoa, I'll be the champion
I have the heart of a lion (That's clearly not gonna be enough)
I've got the skills (No you don't)
I've got the power (Wrong again)
You'll never catch me, I am like the Eiffel Tower (That doesn't move)
Whoa whoa, I'll be the champion
I'm building an arc of triumph (That took like 30 years to build)
I've got my beret, my eau de toilette
I'll break the Sandman like a stale baguette, no sweat
Now it's four weeks later and it's time for the fight
I'm sad I gotta watch a man die tonight
Do not worry Doc, Glass Joe is built to last!
You get winded when you open up the fridge too fast!
Your weight training diet's all wine and cheese
You've got the body of a man with an awful disease
Your raw muscles look like a deflated apple fritter
And your punching bag is filled with cotton candy and glitter
There's the bell, thanks for your help, Doc (Yeah, see you in Hell)
This is my moment, vive la France
All of my training has led to this chance
I bench ten Q-tips, I ran five feet
I did half a push-up, victory will be sweet
There's Mr. Sandman, here he comes
For I believe in myself
So I have already won
Whoa whoa, I'll be the champion
I have the heart of a- *getting punched*
Whoa whoa, I like candy corns
Please put them in my donuts (Aw, you beat the French out of him)
I have my- *more punching*
My favorite color is seven *punch*
No more peanuts for me, stewardess
Godzilla is my dad *punch*