This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
Watching muscles ache from the stress in your back
Waiting for bones to break from the weight of what you lack
I would spend all my time helping you find truth
And it really cuts like a knife knowing I can't save you
Because saying goodbye hurts the worst when you know it's the final word
It comes across like a curse and I can't believe you said it first
So now the final word on the final page
of the final chapter of this narrative we made
Is my weak conscious whispering words through my mouth
The very words I prayed would never come out
I kept clinging onto the past and hoped the future would be the same
We would cry and laugh knowing the past would not remain
And I would argue with God, every night I would lie awake
And lie to myself, hoping all of this was fake
Because I got a new perspective on general anesthetics
When you finally went to see Jesus
And all your family learned how to believe in a void
Because that's all that they could see in us
Cigarette smoke and broken words
My heard became the platform for everything they hated the most
And I stayed clear of the lack
Hoping somebody would come by and cut this rope
Your apartment got so empty when you moved to that city with the streets of gold
And I know what you meant when you said this room can grow so terribly cold
And I wrestled with the idea of taking your place
But I know that if anyone deserves a break from this world of pain
It's you, it's not me
And I'm still asleep
It's not about being there for me, it's about respecting me enough
To tell me why you're not
So I'll just slip back into my sleep
There's a demon in my casket and I think that we've fallen in love
And most nights, I wish it was you
Waiting for bones to break from the weight of what you lack
I would spend all my time helping you find truth
And it really cuts like a knife knowing I can't save you
Because saying goodbye hurts the worst when you know it's the final word
It comes across like a curse and I can't believe you said it first
So now the final word on the final page
of the final chapter of this narrative we made
Is my weak conscious whispering words through my mouth
The very words I prayed would never come out
I kept clinging onto the past and hoped the future would be the same
We would cry and laugh knowing the past would not remain
And I would argue with God, every night I would lie awake
And lie to myself, hoping all of this was fake
Because I got a new perspective on general anesthetics
When you finally went to see Jesus
And all your family learned how to believe in a void
Because that's all that they could see in us
Cigarette smoke and broken words
My heard became the platform for everything they hated the most
And I stayed clear of the lack
Hoping somebody would come by and cut this rope
Your apartment got so empty when you moved to that city with the streets of gold
And I know what you meant when you said this room can grow so terribly cold
And I wrestled with the idea of taking your place
But I know that if anyone deserves a break from this world of pain
It's you, it's not me
And I'm still asleep
It's not about being there for me, it's about respecting me enough
To tell me why you're not
So I'll just slip back into my sleep
There's a demon in my casket and I think that we've fallen in love
And most nights, I wish it was you
Lyrics submitted by bananahero
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