This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
Take it from the outside looking in,
Smash into the walls like it’s my time to begin.
Take a breath in then exhale.
Become a liability, stay calm or derail.
Kill yourself from the inside
Even when the outside’s gettin’ better all the time.
And I just need to stay calm when it’s all gone wrong,
Doesn’t mean it’s over yet.
So I guess it’s time to fight back against the ludicrous development
Ruining the essence.
But everyday is getting darker.
But when she’s so close, I just can't make her stay.
My guide has not retired yet, and hopes run high.
It’s getting darker outside, and and my head’s still high,
And I’m not afraid anymore.
‘Cause your not real.
There’s nothin’ to be afraid of.
Something I feel,
It can’t control me, and I won’t fail anymore.
And you think I’m lyin’ to you .
I’m tryin’ so hard to be believable,
When I’m so far down, tryin' to pull myself up again.
We’re so distraught.
Memory lapse and my ability facilitate the enemy
Even though the enemy isn’t that far.
So don’t tell me I don’t know who I am,
I’d recognize an enemy.
A hazard to myself.
It's something to be afraid of.
It’s just myself .
And I’m afraid of
Something so real.
You are what I’m afraid of.
Commitment so real,
You could touch it if desired.
Smash into the walls like it’s my time to begin.
Take a breath in then exhale.
Become a liability, stay calm or derail.
Kill yourself from the inside
Even when the outside’s gettin’ better all the time.
And I just need to stay calm when it’s all gone wrong,
Doesn’t mean it’s over yet.
So I guess it’s time to fight back against the ludicrous development
Ruining the essence.
But everyday is getting darker.
But when she’s so close, I just can't make her stay.
My guide has not retired yet, and hopes run high.
It’s getting darker outside, and and my head’s still high,
And I’m not afraid anymore.
‘Cause your not real.
There’s nothin’ to be afraid of.
Something I feel,
It can’t control me, and I won’t fail anymore.
And you think I’m lyin’ to you .
I’m tryin’ so hard to be believable,
When I’m so far down, tryin' to pull myself up again.
We’re so distraught.
Memory lapse and my ability facilitate the enemy
Even though the enemy isn’t that far.
So don’t tell me I don’t know who I am,
I’d recognize an enemy.
A hazard to myself.
It's something to be afraid of.
It’s just myself .
And I’m afraid of
Something so real.
You are what I’m afraid of.
Commitment so real,
You could touch it if desired.
Lyrics submitted by im april
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