He certainly did earn that reputation.
There's another world inside of me that you may never see
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find
Well maybe it's too far away, yeah
Or maybe I'm just blind
Or maybe I'm just blind
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone
But when your education x-ray cannot see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends
Been roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone
And part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Maybe I'm just blind
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone, whoa, whoa
Love me when I'm gone, when I'm gone
When I'm gone, when I'm gone
There's secrets in this life that I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness there's a light that I can't find
Well maybe it's too far away, yeah
Or maybe I'm just blind
Or maybe I'm just blind
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone
But when your education x-ray cannot see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends
Been roaming through this darkness, I'm alive but I'm alone
And part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Maybe I'm just blind
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared and love me when I'm gone
Everything I am and everything in me
Wants to be the one you wanted me to be
I'll never let you down even if I could
I'd give up everything if only for your good
So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared, you won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone
Love me when I'm gone, whoa, whoa
Love me when I'm gone, when I'm gone
When I'm gone, when I'm gone
Lyrics submitted by xLateralussx
When I'm Gone Lyrics as written by Christopher Lee Henderson Bradley Kirk Arnold
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
Lyrics powered by LyricFind
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Like a lot of the other comments are saying, I think this mainly about voyeurism. If the song was about his girlfriend, then why would he use the word spy. If you are a spy it means you shouldn't be caught, that is kind of the whole point, and if you are a voyeur, the whole point of the pleasure you get from it, is the fact that the other people don't know you are watching them. See a bit of a connection there?
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Both as a standalone and as part of the DSOTS album, you can take this lyric as read. As a matter of public record, Jourgensen's drug intake was legendary even in the 1980s. By the late 90s, in his own words, he was grappling with massive addiction issues and had lost almost everything: friends, spouse, money and had nearly died more than once. "Dark Side of the Spoon" is a both funny & sad title for an album made by a musical genius who was losing the plot; and this song is a message to his fans & friends saying he knows it. It's painful to listen to so I'm glad the "Keith Richards of industrial metals" wised up and cleaned up. Well done sir.
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This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
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This is one of my favorite songs. https://fnfgo.io
I do agree with the suicide idea, but in my eyes, it has more to do with depression in general. Let me explain.
"There's another world inside of me", "secrets in this life that I can't hide" Both of these seem to be about the actual depression.
There are various parts where light is referenced, or, more so, a lack of. His statement that he might be blind indicates that, yes, he is perhaps suicidal. But he still wants to find the light, and he's hoping that he's just blind.
The chorus seems to be directed at the person closest to him, likely a lover ("hold me"). He acknowledges that he may not be here much longer ("when I'm gone") and that if he does kill himself, it's "only for your good", that's why he'll "give up everything". But he doesn't seem to really want to kill himself, because he asks of whomever the chorus is directed at to "hold me when I'm scared", being when he is considering suicide.
I fully agree that the second verse, primarily "when your education x-ray cannot see under my skin" is about a therapist of some sort. Statistically, most people who are suffering with depression will not say anything to anybody, especially not someone they do not trust.
He repeats "maybe I'm just blind", seemingly as courage to move forward with his life.
This is just what I have interpreted based on my life experiences.