Okay, so today this morning was pretty hectic. The ex-pianist from freshly ground, who is now a music producer, came to our school this morning with this guy from prison named Larry Joe (he is out of prison now). Now Larry Joe is a guitarist, and he really got into his music in prison. We then watched a video of him in prison and then we wathced one of his music videos. It was all very very very interesting. Now this guy is good, I mean really good. He started when he was 3 and he did a concert when he was 5. He then played us these three songs and everybody clapped and everything. Then at the end, Mev. BOthis (our principle) said something that really got me thinking. What she said was "Please put up your hand if Larry Joe has really inspired you" And everybody put up their hands, including me. He really has inspired me a lot, he has inspired me to stop playing guitar. Now, that will never happen because I love it too much, but it got me thinking "What's the point?" I am never ever going to be good, I am never going to be good enough to play guitar in front of people, even if I started busking, I would never get money. I am just so bad. It doesn't matter if it's my passion, I am no good at it and there is no point in me even playing. When I decided this, I then wondered what I am actually good at. Nothing. That is the answer, I am not good at anything. If you think about it, there is not one thing out there that I am good at. Sure, I love guitar, and I love art, and I love hip-hop and I love my music, and I love to write and to read and | love photography, but I am not good at any of it. Why do I even do these things if I am no good at them? Maybe I hsould just become one of those people who just sit around watching TV all day because they have nothing they like to do that they are good at. I just... I don't want it to be like this. I want to be good at something but there is just nothing for me to be good at. I hate it. I honestly thought I was getting somewhere with guitar, but with not wanting to go to lessons, I pretty much suck. (sigh), I guess I am just one of those people who aren't good at anything. URRRRRRGGGHHHH I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!!!!!!!!! Other than all of that, today wasn't so bad. The parent teacher meeting was okay, but Mrs Cook was a bitch. I hate her, I honestly can't stand her. I have the party tomorrow, and I doubt it's going to be any fun. I am just really upset right now. I think tonight just might be one of those nights when I'm in tears. Of course nobody sees me, because I'm in bed. Nothing has been happening with me and DB lately, he sometimes talks to me at school, but other tha that, I get the feeling he doesn't want to hang around me, and I don't blame him. I am boring and not good at anything, why would anybody want to hang around me? (sigh) well, I best be off, I am completely bored and upset right now, and that is never a good combination.

I am just getting so sick of waiting, I just want to get on to the holidays so I can have my rest. I am so tired all of the time. At least I finished my book today, so I can hand it back in tomorrow. It's almost friday, which means it's almost mine and Teagans party. I'm not all that excited but ... (sigh) anyway, today was pretty much average. Nothing special happened today, but we went to teh same place in CAG today as two times before. I know it's rude of me to say, but it was just very boring, and we only ended at five so I got home really late. Tomorrow is the PTM and I am just nervous for that, I just hope that my mom and dad don't say anythign embarrasing. I'm listening to Stairway To Heaven by Led Zeppelin, and I completely forgot what a freakishly amazing song it is. I love it. Well, I am sooooo tired so I am off to be, awaiting a sucky day atht is tomorrow. (sigh)

Well, it's the last week of school until holidays, which means it's only babout 2 or 3 weeks until I get the autograph from the guy who photographed the album covers for the awesome people, INCLUDING PINK FLOYD! I am so excited. Anyway, today at the last period, it was english but we went down to the library. I got a new book, and I also persueded the librarian to let me take out the book The Secret Life of Bees. Anyway, this new book that I am reading isn't the best book ever, but there is something about it that keeps me reading. I don't know what it is, but no matter how not-great it is, it just keeps me reading, it keeps me entertained and interested... It's weird. It's about a musician. Anyway, I got my report back for the first term today,a dn I didn't get any A's. I mostly got B's and I got some C's and then Mr Tshado gave me a D for Life Skills, it's okay though because the reports this term were only on work ethic. It was so cool after school today, I had to wait for my mom to come back from the PTM (Parent Teacher Meeting) for the Primary School, so I waited in Middle school. And then I had this really cool conversation with J and I was also with Isabel. The conversationw as very nice. Then Emily arrived (after the conversation) and she just HAD to wait with me! Anyway, J had walked past and Emily said "Well, he is going to be hot when he is older, you should go for him" And that was probably the weirdest thing ever. Other than that, nothing else interesting happened today, I have just been reading for the rest of the day (up til now). DB came to talk to me again :) And that was cool too. Well I don't have much else to say now, so I think I am just going to go back to reading.

I was so unbelievab;y tired this morning, I didn't even have a late night last night, I was just too tired to put in my contact lenses so I wore my glasses today. Anyway, I always think that DB will never talk to me at school, it's only at bar/bat mitzvahs that he will sit next to me and talk to me, but today he has proved me wrong. I like talking to him, even though he is far too inappropriate. I don't know if you have ever seen How I Met Your Mother, but he is quite like Barney. He is always making inappropriate comments and things like that, but then when he actually likes a girl he is... Well you know. Like I said, he is also exactly like Adam Sandler. I found out that I am extremely stupid yesterday. You see, I was watching this documentary on Syd Barrett and Pink Floyd, and I found out that the movie and album "The Wall" was not based on Roger Waters, but Roger Waters had based it on Syd Barrett!!! I should have known! I mean, he said nothing about it being about himself, but he certainly never said andything about Syd Barrett. Anyway, in the documentary it said that one day, Syd Barrett had arrived, and everybody was asking who he was and they couldn't recognise him, and this was all because he had shaved his head and eyebrows, just like in the movie. He too was iscolated by the world, just like the character in the album. Well, today I sent out most of the invitations for mine and Teagans party. I'm not really looking forward to it, but hey, who doesn't love presents? I know, that is really shallow of me, and I don't mean to be shallow, it's just I'm not a huge party fan and Teagan was the one who said we should have one together and I didn't want to be rude so I said yes. I hope that she sends out the actual invitations, because I already sent out the ones on Facebook. Anyway, I watched the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and it was the second or third time I have seen it. I wuite enjoy that movie, it's very interesting although it's a bit too long for my liking. I like movies like that, they interest me. Well, at least today Mrs Cook didn't comment on my fringe, I am so happy she had nothing to complain about me today. If she hates children so much, WHY DOES SHE TEACH??!!! Yesterday I was so bored that I was just lying on my bed, closing my eyes, doing litterally nothing but listening to music, and i quite enjoyed it, although it would have been nice to have something to do. Well, I best be off now, so bye.

Last night was amazing, I just hate the fact that it's over and that it's school tomorrow (sigh). Liat just left, and I am so happy she is gone, I know it's rude of me to say that but I just hate it when people sleep over at me. I didn't do anything in Saturday and it was pretty boring, I was just watching The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air the whole day, that was actually hilarious. Anyway, on to last night. It was so much fun, but only because I spent most of my time with DB. He was inappropriate but it was okay. I got really embarrased though because he said to me that my little sister was so cute, and I said no she is not. Then he said "Does she know who I am?" and then I was like "She knows your name" and then he said "Really? So you talk about me?" and I told him I don't but I think he still thinks I do. I honestly don't actually talk about him, she just knows who he is and I don't know how. URGH I AM SO EMBARRASED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, before I was talking to DB I was sitting on the swings and I was talking to Max. We actually had a nice conversation. Then I was playing on the sea-saw and it was soooooo much fun! I love sea-saws. Anyway, (sigh), I am now left completely embarrased and completely bored. I think I just want to listen to my music. Or maybe just finish the Fresh Prince.

Okay, so today was sports day and well... Okay so we went to school and we were all in our house colours. We went to the field straight away. So the first race I ran I came... third. I was racing against about 7 or 8 other girls, and.. I am just so upset with myself. I would have come second but Shannon just ahd to race with us. They shouldn't let her because she is in a ahigher grade than us, it's just not fair. Michaela is really fast, and she came second. I also found out taht J is freakishly fast too. In the relay we won though, it was cool. The cross-country race was the best though. Everybody did it because all we had to do to at least get one point was walk, and finish. Isabel, Liat and I were walking together. Half way there (we were litterally the last ones coming in) we decided to claim that we were the fastest in the whole school, which was then when I decided we should write a book on how fast and amazing we are and our "journey" in the cross country race. We decided to have two names, they were "The Fire Sisters and Liat" or "The Long Walk to Freedom" and I hade decided on both of thoe names, which was when we all oractically fell from laughing. Anyway, when we were only a few yard from the end, we decided to run in slow motion, and then I was singing that funny song that plays in the backround when people are running in slow motione, and it was hilarious. I then decided I was going to "fall" so in slow motion I tripped and it was hilarious! Anyway, that part was so much fun! After the races we went to our other thing that we signed up for (I signed up for art) and in art we were doing toe-dyeing. It was pretty fun but I gave mine to Teagan because I didn't like mine. Kayla made the coolest one and it was awesome. Then we had some time to relax, and I think Noam was pretty impressed with me when I stole the basketball from Hayden and failed to miss a shot, it was okay that I missed it, he was still pretty impressed. After that, we had an assembly and for the spirit, Gideon came first, Samson came second and Maccabi came last. Then for the actual athletics, Maccabi won, Gideon came second and Samson came last, but it was okay. I was worrying for nothing, even though I am very very upset with myself for only coming third. There is a batti tomorrow and I hope it was the same as Ginas, with DB and stuff, except hopefully he will be a little more appropriate. The only thing I'm not looking forward to on that day is the fact that Liat is going to sleep over. I just really don't like it when people come to sleep over, and why does she have to ask me when she knows I am living with my granny at the moment. It's very rude of her. She will probably just be hanging around me the whole night, I hope Dylan doesn't go. Anyway, I know she has a single mother who can't take her around everywhere, but she should at least take my living condition into consideration. BUt how could I just say no when I know what she has to go through. URGH!!! Anyway, today when I got back from school, I was just playing on my guitar, and then I started to watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and now my parents are having supper. I think I am going to go play guitar again, so seeya.

Okay so it's sports day tomorrow and I am so nervous! I don't think I will be getting tired, but I'm just scared of getting a stitch! That's my only problem, getting s stich,oh and the fact that I might not be as fast as I used to. (sigh) I just really hope I come either first or second... I know I sound competetive but... Well, I've already told this story. I also hope that I get to run barefoot. Maybe that's actually what makes me fast... Or used to. And I hope that I get to. Today and yesterday was kind of boring, so I don't have much to say, although Teagan and I have written out the invitations, we just need to send them out. I also know taht I am going to be here for my rehersals, and it's going to awesome. I just can't believe Teagan isn't doing it. Anywho, I best be off. Bye

Okay so let me just start off by saying that I still cant decide whether I like DB or not, it's all just so confusing!!! Okay so I will now start with last night at Ginas batti. It was, in one word... Amazing! Well, kind of. You see, I was talking to DB the whole time, and even though he was sort of.. inapropriate for most of the time, there were some parts that were actually nice. I am just kind of hoping that he likes me, if he does it will make it a lot easier for me to like him. That night was amazing! Anyway, today was Marine Day, and I actually... Had fun. At first I was really panicking in the morning, but it all turned out alright. You see, one of the three Js was talking to me, and it was nice :) I have come to a decision that I don't actually want to be friends with th other to, so he is the only J left. I will now only call him J. Okay so J was talking to me quite a lot, and it was cool too. I took a lot of photos at Marine Day today and they are pretty cool. They found this Pajama Shark, and even though it wasn't as big as one of those common sharks that everybody knows about. It was still pretty cool... Isabel, Rachel and I were just sitting and taking photos and stuff, it was pretty fun. Afterwards we had creative writing, and before it started I really didnt feel like doing it, but then it actually started, and it was a lot of fun. I think I wrote quite a good piece, well, it was okay, I had a lot of fun writing it. We were supposed to make up our own world, and mine was based on a person who was isolated by the rest of the world, so he/she kind of lived in his/her own one. Yes, I did get the idea from Pink Floyd The Wall, but it's not the same. Anywho, when I got back from creative writing, my dad and I went for another jog. It was much better than yesterday, but I still need more practice if I want to win, or at least come second, at sports day. That is why I am going again tomorrow, and the next day, but then the next day is sports day so... (sigh) I'm not usually this competetive, and I said yesterday why this is so important to me. I just... I don't know :( Isabel made me a Twitter account, but I doubt I'm going to be using it very much, I'm now that much of a fan of Twitter, but it doesn't really matter. I just hate the fact that there is normal school tomorrow (sigh) Well, I just hope that DB and I talk some more, if not DB then J (which I seriously seriously doubt!) Anywho, I must go shower now, so bye!

So this morning I went for a run at 8:30, and i realized something. I am never going to win the sports day in running. I cant believe it! I am just so unfit! I cant even run fast without having a heart attack! Last year, I won Victrix Ledorum! How could I go down a step?! It's just so unfair, and that is why I have decided to go for a run every day after school until the day of the sports day. (sigh) I just hope it helps. It's not like I would win anyway if I am going against Shannon W. She is in a higher grade than me but she still runs in our race because she is our age, and it's so unfair! URGH! I just... want to make my house proud. I don't even care if I win, but it must be either first or second. I know how that makes me sound. I'm not like that usually, it's just running has always been something of my own. All of my other interests have been taken away from me, and running is all I have. I just don't want to be left with no interest for my own. (sigh) Well, I have a batti to go to at about 7:00, and I will se DB so I will finally see if I like him or not. I am just so confused when it comes to him. I really need to find out what I am going to wear. I really don't want to wear a dress, but I'll just blame it on my parents. I am so happy it's going to be cloudy tomorrow, not because it's Marine day, which I am actually now looking forward to now that I don't have to swim, but because I like being cold. Well, unless I'm at school, if it's out of the school building then I like to be cold. I just hope tomorrow goes well. I will definitely be using my camera so I really need to charge it tonight. I also need to find something to wear. Well, I am completely bored, so I'm off. I can't believe there was no school today, public holidays rule! Although I don't have much to do...

Okay so today I found out that my dad downloaded Paranormal Activity 2 and wen I finished watching it today, I was pretty diappointed. I was expecting something really scary, and it did have some scary parts in it, but the first one was much scarier. The movie is 1 and 1/2 hours, but it felt like 20 minutes. It wasn't the worst movie ever, but it definitely wasn't the best. Okay so let me start from last night. It was pretty fun, Kayla, Teagan and I watched "Spud" and that is one seriously bad movie! Everybody said it was so good and so funny, when in fact it was really bad and only had about 2 parts in it that make me half smile. I hate it when people over-exadurate movies. Anyway, that night was fun, and then themorning was cool too. I was just being the same lazy person I always am and I never eally got out of bed except for when it was breakfast. The breakfast was really good. Anyway I then went with Steven to get Ruth from camp, and yeah taht was pretty much my day. Last night, I couldn't stop thinking about DB. I was thinking of how great it would be if we were like, walking somewhere together and he like, holds my hand. I have never been the type of person who would say yes to a date, but if he asked I think I would actually say yes. Of course if that were ever to happen, which is very unlikely!!! It's really weird though, So I always think about DB in that way, like if we were togther and stuff, and I always think about how I like him, but when I see him in person, I just don't feel anything. Well, I don't know yet because I havn't actually seen him, but when I picture him. Maybe I just need to see him face to face, if I don't feel anything, then it's probably just that weird fase I go through. Anyway, I best be off. Bye...