I have done so much work today. I know, it is all my fault for leaving it at the last minute, but I just can't believe they gave us so may things, and all for the same day! Tomorrow, I have two orals, one essay and a cycle test on EMS!!!!!! URGH! I am so gonna fail that test. And worst of all, I have swimming tomorrow! I am too fat to swim tomorrow. i can't believe my wheight, and I havn't done anything to prevent myself from gaining wheight, I have just been stuffing my face. It's a good thing I am starting this new diet tomorrow. It's really for healthy eating and moods and stuff, but I just really hope that it will help me lose wheight. Today was so boring. I did nothing fun or special or anything. Although I did draw another one of my pictures from Pink Floyd The Wall, I don't think they are too bad. Anyway, I am just bored to death. 1. Bored 2. Over-worked 3. Fat Does that sound good to you?????? Well, I have absolutely nothing to say because today has just been such a bore, and I am waiting for tomorrow to end because that is really going to be the suckiest day of my life.

So I will start off with last ngiht, after I wrote on here. It was so much fun. I had the greatest time ever, and I have noticed that everything I don't expect, happens. I know I have said that before but I have been expecting a lot less so everything is happening to me a lot more. Anyway, the people there were me, Teagan and Kayla. She did invite more people but we were the only ones that ocould come. We had the best conversations, I have always wanted that, just a talk at a nice place with my friends. It was like an hour into the supper and then suddenly, Josh, Johnathan, David and Kyla (not kyle hend.) come and sit with us. They all practically ignored me, but it's okay, I don't really care. Anyway, it was a great night. I decided that I was going to get Teagan a custom made shirt so I asked her whats he wanted on it, and she will tell me once she knows. I also found out that she is getting me something custom made, but she didn't say what. That night and the whole of today, I have been feeling really sad. I don't know why. I think it's because I miss hanging out with my littel group, but that never happens anymore. I miss them. I miss talking to them. Now they all just ignore me and it's all just so depressing. Middle School has done that to us... Oh well, if we were really good friends, we would still be talking with each other, but we obviously aren't. I think I have also been sad because I found out that they are all in a band, and I guess I just want to be in one too. It doesn't matter. What happens happens. I just want good things to happen to me, who doesn't? I am an idiot. I don't deserve anything good happen to me, I have been an idiot in the past and the present and it will most likely happen in the future. I am really disliking myself at the moment. Oh well, at least I have friday to look forward to. (sigh) I think I am just going to keep my depressed-ness to myself. I better just get on with life. Well, I'm off now, even though I have so much more I want to say.

I have done two orals and one essay today, only today! I did not do it today because it's at the last minute, because it's not at the last minute, but I just thought that people have already finished their work, and I just want to get it off of my back. What I really need to start doing now is y project for the 7th, I know, last minute one, but it doesn't matter, it would havesucked anyway. Well tonight I am going to Spur beause, well, it's teagans birthday and she invited her close friends. I'm not all taht excited for it, but I'm sure it'll be fun. Tomorrow I am going to Isabel, which I am also sure will be fun, I am actually exciited about this one. Last night we were talking about how we have always wanted that kind of friendship where the one practically lives at the other, I sure hope that is what happens with me and Isabel. I really don't want to move any time soon. Anyway, I am wearing my Pink Floyd The Wall shirt :) It's so awesome. I watched Pink Floyd The Wall today, well, I have 20 minutes left but I just stopped because I wasn't in teh mood anymore. I love it. I love lvoe love love it. It's so... interesting. I also have this weird thing about th Beatles. When ever I see them in a movie and they are performing, they just look so happy. When they smile it makes me smile, if I had a rand for everytime I have smiled when they smiled, I would be a millionair. Their smiles are so happy and cute, I love it. I think iI can convince my dad to make me another shirt, but with the Beatles on it. Well, I am going to play ball with Ruth, SHe asked ME! bye :)

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A PINK FLOYD THE WALL SHIRT!!!!! I can't believe it! It's sooooooo cool! I would be wearing it right now but I want to where it tomorrow so that everyone will be able to see how awesome it is! I love it so much! Anyway, today was pretty boring. Rob Berm. Keeps talking to me, which is nice. He is definitely someone I would want to be good friends with, and he has good taste in music. And there is something lucky about that one bench outside of the atrium that I wait for my sisters on on a friday. i am usually sitting by myslef because everybody has either gone home or waiting for the bus inside of the school, anyway today after school while I was waiting, Kyle came to sit next to me. We never see each other anymore, I miss talking to him and Josh and David and Brendan, those were the good old days. I see Dylan every day so I would mention him but... Ya. Well, Mrs Cook didn't saya nything about my fringe, I hope she is happy, making me look retarded and all. Well, I am loving my giutar, I just seriously hate myself for not playing my acoustic guitar as much. It just annoys me. On the bright side, I now use a pick, which I find much easier. Well, I have so much work to do but I just can't bring myself to do it, I just wish it would be over and done with, URGH! Well, I am off! Bye

Today was, how do I put this? AMAZING! I never thought a day could be so amazing! So I woke up and stuff and my family came in and they had a cake and they were singing happy birthday and it was so cool! So I started by opening the cards and I got this gicantic one, like it had litteraly nine pages stuck together to form a card from my sisters, it was so cool! From my granny I got R400!!! So the present I got was the big amp. and it had all of these awesome effects like acoustic, metal and stuff like that and I think I am going to be on the computer a lot less now! Now the guitar is just too amazing to be legal in this world! It's black with like white on it and it;s soooo awesome! I love love love love love love love love love it!!!!! I arrived at school with "Happy birthday!" s from everyone, I even, dare I mention it... GAVE SOMEONE A HUG! Now that's huge for me because I NEVER hug! Anyway, I got the coolest cards and presents from people at school. Michaela got this one card and she got as many people as she could to sign it, it wasn't many poeple because I arrived at school too early, but still. I got hugs from many people, it was so nice! I got so many chocolates! And Dylan gave me this one present and it has 3 plectrums and an AC/DC shirt! I don't think I am going to wear the shirt because it's like.... pink, but it was nice of him. In class period, everyone sang happy birthday to me and it was all just so amazing. Now here comes the horribly terrible part of my day. When I went to go tell Mrs Cook that I couldn't make it to CAG today, she gave me a clip to clip my fringe up!!! HOW DARE SHE????? I did used to like her but now! URGH! I walked around school with Kaylas alice-band in my hair and I looked like an idiot. Some people said I look nice but I know they were lying! I hate CAG. I don't enjoy doing it but... I am too scared of Mrs Cook to quit. Well, I guess it does give me something to do on a Wendesday. That was the only horrible part of my day... Oh ya and the fact that my mom has flipped out once again, oh well. I found out some weird things today. 1. Ashlee likes Simon and Garfunkle 2. Me and Gen are getting a lot closer as friends I don't know why they are weird but they just are. I never thought me and Gen would be the type of people to be friends. I know we have quite a lot in common but she is very energetic and outgoing and I'm not really. I like her though, she is funny and she is actually very nice. Anyway, now it's Teagans time to shine. I will not get in her way, I know this is really really really really selfish of me.... But I hope she doesn't get as many presents and cards and hugs as I did. I know, I am a bitch. Do I like it? No, can I help it? No, is it completely annoying? Yes. It's okay though, I know she will. Ever since Middle School, I am losing my friends. I am talking about Josh P. David H. and Kyle H. Ya, I guess Brendan can be added there too. I would say Dylan but he is in my class so we speak to each other every day. I miss those days. I just want them to come back. I want to have my nice and funny talks with them, all of them. Those break times were what I used to look forward to in my day, and now I only got a "Happy burthday" face to face with one of them. (sigh). Well, we can't have everything we want. Today was amazing, the best day ever. Well, night.

I just want to start off by saying thank you to all of the people who reply to my journals, you guys are the ones who keep me writing on here, even though I highly doubt that you would veer want to read my stuff anyway. But still, thanks. So I just want to say that the minute after I wrote on my journal yesterday about the thing with Deej and if he doesn't have the conversation with me then I won't like him, well I want to say that I had immediately changed it to to three days time, he didn't talk to me once today, but he still has two days left so I am still not quite sure yet. I have been thinking about it and I can't tell whether I like him or not, I don't think I like him, but if I don't, then why do I want this "date" type thing with him so badly? It's not just a thing where I want a date, and I just think I want it with Deej but I really don't. I only want it with him, it just wouldn't be the same with any other boy. Wow, I hope no one I know reads this. Anyway, I lost my homeowrk diary today but I think I know where it is, all I need is to ask the teacher to unlock the door so that I can get it from the classroom. It didn't matter today though because we don't have any homework. We hardly get any homework, it's so cool. Anyway, the awesome thing that happened today after school was that I went to go pick out a guitar for my birthday, which is by the way in 2 days time! YAY! Anyway, I narrowed it down. One is a red guitar, and it's cheap and all, and the other is a black guitar, it's more expensive but my dad is going to try negotiate with the guy, I like the black one better but if the guy is too stubbourn, then I will just get the red one. It will be so cool! I just can't believe that I am spending so much money! Half of it is going out of my bank account, and I don't think I can afford that, but come on, it's an electric guitar! It's music! I cannot live without music! Speaking of music, I havn't had much time to listen to music, I listen to it every day but I never have enough time to listen to it a lot. I am always too busy reading my book, The Soloist, and I need to catch up on it so I have been reading for ages. I love that book, it's amazing. It is about music, it's on classical music, but still. It is so good, and I just want to finish it so that I can have more time to listen to my music. That is why I have been reading so much, but I just feel so empty without listening to my music. Oh well. So anyway, I only found out today that the party I am having with Teagan is on this Saturday! I really want to invite a lot of people, just for the sake of getting presents. I mean, I want to see my friends and all, but I just hate having parties. I can't stand it, the only reason I am agreeing to this one is because of the presents. Well,I just... I have specific people I want to invite, like Dylan, David and Kyle, Josh P. and... Ya that's pretty much it. Anyway, I will just need to discuss it with Teagan. URGH! I hate my mom! She thinks that I have some sort of attitude just because I am going to be a teenager in 2 days. It's like if Ruth would have said that to her, she would have gotten angry, sure, but she wouldn't have said much. She says to me that she doesn't want any of my teenage crap. I have no teenage crap! I HATE HER SO MUCH! I am just so frustrated right now... I just need to go relax. I think I will just go read. I am meant to be on chapter 31 but I am only on chapter 24, which kind of sucks and that means I am way behind. (sigh) well, bye.

Okay so late me start from Friday, which was the night of the U2 concert. So we left at 4:00 because we didn't want tp have to sit in traffic, and we got there very very early, so we just decided to join the fanwalk which was a lot of fun. I did get a shirt which I am wearing right now. It was the most amazing day of my life, it was so awesome. The first two opening bands were so horribly bad, I was just so completely bored, but then U2 came on and everything changed. It was so amazing, the claw was huge and it was so awesome! The lights were great as well and then this hologram type thing like, streched out (it was a screen) and then you could like see Bonno in this really cool way (it's kind of hard to explain). Anyway, we got home at about 12:00 but it was okay. The next morning I woke up so early! But I wasn't woken up by someone, I woke up by myself, it was like 7:00! Anyway mom had taken dad to tthe airport so I just decided to get ready and stuff so I had a shower and all. It was for the barmi. The only girls that were invited were me, Emma, Isabel and Liat but it was pretty cool. Emma finally gave me my photo in front of the wall that looked exactly like the wall on the album cover of Pink Floyd's album The Wall. Anyway, the shul part of the barmi was boring. Brendan and I looked at each otehr, and he did the hand gesture things like he had done once before, and we were both laughing, I thought I had had a ver miniscule crush on him at that moment, but I realised it was nothing. So I went to Isabel afterwards, and then my mom came to fetch me so I went to Kayla, you know, for Moonstruck, and I got changed and all, and then the others started arriving. First Rob Berm. and Max, then Jayson Rawr. then Storme and then David Josh and Dan and Saul. It was pretty fun at Kayla, but when we got there it was a lot more fun. We met up with Chad, other Chad, David Mes., Gina Jessica and most of the WEizmann girls, and then Kayla and I started playing catch with the tennis ball. When suddenly, the ball fell through one of the rocks! It was way too far to reach because we were all too big to fit in there. Saul said that he would only try to get it if I gave him a hug if he succeeded, I agreed to hug him if he succeeded in getting the ball, but he was unable to. Finally I got a stick, but it was just about 2 centimmetres too short to reach for it, then I finally managed to find a very very long one, and I had got it! It was one of the most victorious time of my life, lol. Anyway, night time came and we were all sitting on the beach and stuff, so it was really really windy and I got really really cold and I didn't bring a jersy or anything, so I was wearing shorts and a tank-top, and Dean must have noticed me shivering like crazy, my teeth were chattering so loudly, and he offerd me his jacket. I said no because, well I mean it was cold, he would be just as cold as I was, but he kept offering and offering and I eventually said yes, of course asking him if he was sure before I did. It got me a lot warmer, but after about 10 minutes I thought that it was rude of me, I thought he was cold, so I gave it back to him. I was cold, but I didn't say anything, and I tried not to let my shivering show. One of the things that night that made it so much fun was the fact that they played actual music, they did play one horrible song "I gotta feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas, but the rest was amazing, we were all dancing and stuff. We walked back to Kayla's and we decided that we were goign to watch Grease, The boys, except for Josh, looked completly bored, but Kayla and I were dancing and singing to the songs, it was so much fun. Anyway, so me, STorme and Kayla were now talking to each otehr after everyone had left in our beds, and I found something out that I cannot stop thinking about. So Storme was telling me that a lot of people like me, she said Max did, and I disagreed. Then she said that Deej used to have the biggest crush on me. At the time, that meant absolutely nothing to me, but then we went to sleep, and I had the weirdest dream ever. So it's too long to explain, but I will just start off from when I was crying. I wasn't majorly crying, but there were like two tears running down. So Deej comes up to me, and he says "Are we still on for lunch on Thursday?" and I knew what he was talking about, becasue like, two years ago we had had this conversationg that we were going to have a lunch, just us and noody else, and he had said it won't be a date or anything, but we both knew that it kind of was like a date. Anyway, in the dream we didn't have the lunch because I had been woken up, but I had felt something weird. I wanted to have taht lunch with Deej, just us, and I still do. I don't know what it is, I am just so confused. I am not sure if I like him or not, but this dream thing just keeps coming up in my head and I can't stop thinking sbout it. I also keep remembering the time on Friday after the outing, when I was waiting for my sisters to come out. I was sitting by myself, and he comes and sits with me and we have this small conversation, and he didn't say anything gross or weird! It was a normal conversation, and he was funny! I just don't know anymore. Okay so this is my pkan. If he comes up to me tomorrow and has a nice conversation with me again, like that one, but I must be sitting by myself, then that will prove that I do like him. If he doesn't though, it will meant that I don't like him. I know it's pathetic of me to dot this, but I am just so confused right now, it's the only thing that will solve my problem. Anyway, when I got woken up this morning, I was told that my dad was here, because I had to do the netball tournament at 11:30. So we first went shopping for food and stuff, and then I saw Rachel at the shops, and then I got changed in the car, and then I arrived. The game was so hard! we played 4 quaters, each quarted 10 minutes long, and I played 3 quarters, by the fourth I was way too tired to carry on so I asked Sharon if I got not play the last 10 minutes, and she let me. It was an amazing game, we won by 10, we got 12 and they got 2. We have such a good team now taht we have joined with Weizmann. Anyway, after the game I got home and I just put on my Pyjamas and I just flopped on my bed with my book, The Soloist. I am way behind because I havn't had time to read in the past 3 days. I havn't read much today though, I fell asleep in the middle of the day, adn I have never done that ever since I can remember! I was just so tired, and I just dozed off. Anyway, I don't have anything more to tell, and I am still confused. Maybe you guys can help me if you even bothered to read about my days which is probably just a bore to all of you, maybe you guys can say whether you think I like Deej or not? Anyway, i'm off, so bye!

So today was actually pretty interesting, we went to the three museums and they were very interesting. I had a good time. I am much more interested in talking about how excited I am for U2 tonight :) We have to leave at 4:00 even though it only starts at 9:00, the traffic is going to be hectic. Well, I best go get ready, no, so bye, I'll tell you how it went.

I am so excited!!!!!!! I can't wait for tomorrow! I have three amazing museums I will be going to for an aouting, which may sound boring, but I think it will be fun, and then, I will be going to the U2 concert!! AHHHHH IM SO EXCITED! I can't believe I will be albe to see them live, I really wasn't expecting this! I have realised over the past two years that every time I expect something to happen, it doesn't happen, but every time I really think it will never happne, it does! Oh well, life works in strange ways. Anyway, today was pretty boring, but I really had fun at hi hop, I llove hip hop, I know it has the worst music ever, but I love dancing to it, I don't know what it is about hip-hop but it makes me feel... I don't know. I just love it so much! Anyway, school wasn't that bad, I love our Maths lessons, they are so funny, our teacher has the dryest sense of humor and she is so funny. I think she is my favourite teacher, Mrs Goodspeed. She is so cool :). We did our Afrikaans comprehension today, and I think I got at least 8, I didn't quite understand these two questions, but it doesn't matter. I am really enjoying the book that I got from the library, The Soloist, it is so interesting, although my mind does wander off once in a while, I hate it when that happens. Well, I don't have mych else to say about today, so bye.

Sorry I couldn't get back to you yesterday, i guess I just complately forgot, the only thing that happened yesterday was that I made a new CD with cool songs, but today was just amazing!!! So it started off as boring as usual, but school turned out to be great and the grade 8's were gone so it was awesome for that too, I did well in Hebrew and Maths and we watched this really interesting documentary type of thing on sharks and stuff, and it was just so amazing, and the only thing I didn't do so well in was E.M.S, but it was okay. So it was really cool because in the last lesson of school it was English but we went to the library and we were pretty much forced to take a book, so I got the book I have been wanting for so long, "The Soloist". I am so excited to read it! Right after I am finished writing on here then I am going to go start it, and I don't usually do that for books. So at break Teagan and I were discussing our party, and and then on our way Jarred came up to us and asked us if we were going to Moonstruck, which is at the beach, and we were like, 2 I don't know yet" and then today my parents and I discussed it and it was really hard because I am doing so many things, but they said I could go. And here comes the best news... WE HAVE U2 TICKETS!!!!! Yay! So here was the problem, U2 is this Friday (It's wednesday), and I have Dylan's barmitzvah that morning ( I only say that morning because the concert ends at 1:00 and then his barmi is on that saturday morning), so I will be tired but I can't miss his barmi. Then on that saturday I have to go back with Isabel and stay at her until 5:00 or something and then my mom will come and fetch me to take me to the beach, and that will ned at like 10:00 or 11:00, and then the next morning (Sunday) I have to do a netball tournament which starts at 11:00 that morning, and I need takkies which I don't have otherwise I can't play! HOw sucky is that?? Oh well, I will try to find my other ones. So today after school I was really not excited for CAG because I really wasn't sure of what I was going to do. You see, we were going to an old age home, and we were going to give them these friendship day cards and we were supposed to have like, conversations with them. It really wans't bad at all, at first it was awkward and the old people were hard to talk to, so I only had conversations with about three of them, but those three were so COOL! We had the coolest conversations, and they are actually very funny, it was so much fun! Anyway, definietly one of the best days ever! Well, I need to go shower now, I have been telling my dad that this what I'm writing now is for homework, so... Tata