Is love too much to ask for? I miss the warmth of winter and the childish sense of wondering and longing. Breaking down innocence until you don't recognize yourself. The harsh, brash reality of falling into the further and having no recollection of the times you once knew. The times you'll never get back. The time wasted. The times when you realize what you've cut off. The times you remember. The times you don't want to forget. The times when you don't cross her mind and the years she hasn't left yours.

I used to pray to God to allow the girl I was very interested in to fall for me. She loves Him. He never let this wish become a reality. This forces me to think about His supposed plan that the Christian's often speak of. He did not allow her to love me. Instead, I was given girls who want nothing to do with him. Girls who want to party. Girls who want to fuck. I often think about how things would have turned out had I won her heart. Would I still be a Christian? Would I still love Him? Sure as shit I'd still be a virgin. Sure as shit I wouldn't have started drinking, started smoking. I often wonder, had I won her heart, if we'd still be together. I doubt it. I greatly doubt that she (or anyone for that matter) could have tolerated me for this long. I often wonder who I would be today if I had won her heart. Who the hell am I? Who the hell am I?

I guess I'm just one of those people that irks others. I've met you twice, had one goddamn conversation with you and you're spreading shit about me already? Completely made up shit? Jesus Christ. I am fucking done with humanity. I have my wonderful family and small group of friends. Fuck everyone else. Fuck. Off.

There's no way I could still be but... Am I? You come to my mind everyday. Am I? It's been years. How can this be?

Why? Why? Why? Why do I allow myself to believe that anyone outside of my super close friends and family will be considerate? People are just selfish beings at the core. Fact. I am one of them. I am guilty of this. But fuck you.

Cats and pizza. Where did the mass obsession come from. Cats are fine, I guess. They don't really do anything and dogs are a shit ton better but they're fine. Pizza is pretty wonderful, that's true. But this fucking "hip" obsession? It makes no fucking sense.

I often wonder if I'm the type of person that someone could miss or if that I'll be lucky enough to find someone to miss me.

Dear pseudo-intellectuals, Kindly fuck off and cease your pretentious chatter. Sincerely, The rest of us.

Though I know I'm guilty of this at times as well, my friends seriously have no grasp on moderation.

I am trying so hard to not be bitter and angry. To not hold a grudge where one is absolutely due. To not think ill of them. They're making it very, very difficult. Very. Difficult.