I hate everything and everyone. nothing makes me want to live. my host-family just left for a banquet, and i plan on going downstairs and cutting myself with whatever sharp objects i can find. i just really dont have any reason to live anymore. my best friend in the whole world was too disgusted to even hug me last night. i hope she doesnt care. and she probably wont seeing as how she didnt care that my feelings were hurt by her. fuck this cruel world. fuck it to the maximum. can i really just kill myself? i mean who would even notice im gone? it would probably just be ojne less mouth to feed and people would prolly celebrate. i dont think i want to be dead but it cant be worse than living like this. if i had one wish, everything would go back to sports bras and tea candles. and i want to be cuddling with you after our first night that we sexed and i want everything to just freeze. is that too much to ask? ha of fucking course. i was told that i am insane if i even entertain the thought of anything ever happening again in my quaint little head. i love you and i hurt you more than i have ever hurt anyone before in my life. we will never,ever be okay again.

so i smoke weed. whats the big reef? well my rents found my shit cuz they looked in my bag. in this week, they have done that three times. first they foung cigars, then they found my bud, then my cigarettes. WTF. im 18 years old i really think i can make my own decisions but now i cant even see my friends. perhaps im overreacting but today i was only allowed to go to the mall for exactly three hours and my mommy had to pick me up and drop me off.....im about to move the fuck out. fuck all them. good night

I could write a poem about the things I love that you do. But I fear it would go on forever, because I wont ever stop loving you. The highlight of my day is when I get to see you smile, It brings me back to our first kiss, which left me in denial. When we used to play on the playground, I knew you were the one. Everyday I want to shout: "Im in love with you, (insert name here)" I want to grab ahold of you and suck the passion out, But anytime I have ever tried, nothing good has come about. =[

"Love the one you're with" explains my life perfectly. Welllll sort of. Except I cant even love the one im with because it just doesnt work like that. she loves another, but she cannot be with him. soooo she stays with me. wtfffff. my life is becoming GD episodes of the L-Word. wtffffffffffff. i am not even talking to my best friend now...she told me to fuck off yesterday. what kind of shit is that? i am not quite understanding. "When you told me you didn't need me anymore, well you know, i nearly broke down and cried. Oh darling, if you leave me, I'll never make it aloneeeeee. Believe me when i tell you, i'll never do you no harm." I fucken hate everyone. you just kiss your girlfriend in front of me like its nothing. i dont want to see that shit. in fact, it makes me want to slice a fucking gash in my arm. i'm not even a cutter.....wtf. i am seriously so close to just offing myself that its not even funny. fuck this fucking shit to the mother fucking max.

i think ive been depressed lately... idunno, everything is just hitting the fan.

Gahhh why must I be in love with my best friend?? It makes everything so complicated and gah I can't stand that she would rather be with someone like nifer than me "(

Um so you will never fucken believe this but i told A that I am in love with her. I think she took it okay, but now I just need to cry and cry and cry it feels like. Like I just cannot believe I told her my true feelings.: I will always love her no matter what, and it feels good to get that off my chest finally.: It's sad to think that no matter how hard i try, it is likely that we won't. End up together. I no longer know what to say, except holy shit what is wrong with me?!?

Weeellllll I totally effed up my sleep pattern and it's two days before we gotta go back to school again nonetheless...ha oh well. And I cried myself to sleep around midday today :( idk why but everything makes me upset lately and if I try to talk about something, I just start bawling and it doesnt fix Anything. Please come back....I need you more than she does :'(

OMG I have Kissed three different girls in the last 2 nights ...holy shift!!! Pimp much??? Well anyways it was all great and dandy except none of them were the girl I am madly in love with :((( I've loved this girl since the seventh grade and she's the one I want to marry someday. I want to give birth to her beautiful babies and tell her I love her every single day . I Wish she wasn't so opposed to the idea of even just. Dating me :(( if I can't end up with her, I'm going to be one lonely ass lesbian because there is no one else in the world who cAn compare to you!! I fucken love you and ill never be able to find someone as generous and caring and loving as you . That is all

you are honestly soo friggen conceited. seriously the first goddamn thing you do when you flip open that laptop is open up photobooth to make sure you look okay. but i see past that ugly exterior, wherein lies an even uglier interior. you can suck a friggen cock, blaster. you know nothing about me, yet you think you have some right to judge me and majorly dislike me. fuck. you.