chocolate milk is like really good right now. plus, i've been doing some illegal stuff lately o_O not even gonna say it. but fuk it right!!!! it's just some darn rules. you knowwwww (; it's not really that bad anyway, so ya. oh jk. and i've been saying in my head, "i like blankblank" when i really don't. i just think he likes me which creeps me out. ew. not to be mean, but i don't like it when someone likes me and i don't feel the same way. so ya. i keep saying that just to test myself. i don't wanan keep being mean but i hate situations like these )= and another dude too. he's cool but now i'm starting to watch what i say around him. why am i such a ho? jkcakesssss. oh well. "just ebcause they like you doesn't mean you have to like them." yup. i'm just a girl who's always talking about guys.

wow. freakin 6:30 am. woke up at 4 to take a shower so i could finish my essay -_- last night was fun. freakin talking about everything. andrea had to leave at 9 though. walked home, got some starbucks (which i haven't had in over a year). i felt bad though, and bloated x_x i'm never getting any fraps from there again. he's a loner and i just felt bad for him. fack, i wanted to go him and stay with him and let him know i'm always gonna be there. but i guess i ruined it. i hate seeing him like that. he did it to himself though, it's been that way for a long time. he's obviously not doing anything about it, so if he's fine with that then i guess he doesn't really care. i shouldn't either..? shti, he's like my best friend though and everything he told me made me see everything from a totally different perspective. i'll wait it out...

in my 4th period... as usual. doin the do. jk. i'm always on apparently. so WHAT AM I GONNA DO TODAY?? lunch: 1. dance practice w/ julia. (i'm not dancing btw. just a spectator :-) haha that smiley face makes me laugh 2. find kathy so she can talk to that one guy 3. go to my locker and see if he shows up near there again. haha! keep watchinnnnnnn. btw life is pretty good. i just remembered my "depression" around 3 years ago. there was no point in living at all. it's just weird you know. how much pain you feel and the hollowness of everything. now i can't feel that. so if you're feeling like that... i hope you get better like i did. it's ok to cry. it's ok to feel pain, but don't let it consume your life because you only have one life and you will get better. i love the sky. it's my favorite thing in the whole entire world

i did it again. he was walking toward me without saying anything and opened his arms to hug me! AHHH! but i just held by books and stood still, then pushed him as he held tighter. EFFF this! it didn't even feel like a hug, dumb me. i'm going back to my old ways..... !!!!! my eye is seriously going to twitch

i stumbled upon something which gave me something to think about. i don't know my question, but somehow it provide an answer. i don't think i'm gonna write it here, because people might think i am a stalker.... haha. but yaa. it was a response to a journal. it made so much sense to me. so THANKYOU person who gave me an answer.

HEY how do i reply to the people who commented on my journals? haha.. n00b

was a good day. festival was kinda lame... like the actual thing itself. people made it fun though! "WHAT A DAY". fasho. MANNNNN wtf was jake doing? he was trying to hook people up? haha uhh i don't think it's gonna work out. so i told kathy the "story" i've been trying to tell her for the longest time. it's not really relevant to me anymore because it didn't feel like anything happened. things just got back to... normal? and it's basically the same. so i've given her the short version before, and everytime i try to elaborate, i can never finish. there's too much to say. but i'm not really in the mood to say it. not in a bad way though. so yea. guess what? i didn't finish telling her. i said hi to cat aka kitty yesterday. like a smile and my hand up. (like a slanted high-five) and he was like "hey". but i've been thinking... i don't think i wanna like him that way. haha this is all stupid stuff. but yea. i guess i was just "rushing" to like someone else. whatever though. i think i like him again. all because of a dumb dream. but i haven't really seen him for like a week. soooooo... idk. i hope i don't go back to my old ways because i am really trying to change. but it's gonna be harder now that my feelings have come back. i know he doesn't know, but it's in my knowledge so i'm gonna act weird. i bet you. GAHHHHHH why can't i just not like him? because my dumb feelings get in the way of me and him trying to become friends. then nothing is going to happen. WHYYYYYYYY??? ughhh

so i have to leave prolly around 5. kathy might come over before we go, idunno it depends. she lives hecka close by though. i'm not bringing mark anymore, but he's gonna come with me so mi padre could drive him home. DANCE PRACTICE------------ i have to watch their routine. and by have i mean i want to. so yeaaaaa. we have it next friday! shizzles. haha ight well i'm gonna start getting ready. it's like 4:36. i'm still waiting for my dad to come home.

i hate reading my older posts. haha i have a presentation due tomorrow. i'm going to the festival tomorrow, all last minute plans! last years was fun, cause everyone went. the year before that was too. this year, andrea's gonna be volunteering so i'm not going with her. and i don't even know who's gonna go. i'm picking kathy up cuz she lives like right near me. and i'm picking mark up too and bringing hmi back home. BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT, it's my parents anniversary tomorrow!! ): arghh i totally forgot until my sister asked if she could go somewhere and my dad said it was their anniversary. FUDGE BUDGE. man. )=)

for like a week. so i'm in 4th period right now. i had a good but VERY busy weekend. i got a C- on my test! i thought i'd get an f.. still a low grade though. ugh. life's just been good i guess. i thought about whether i liked him or not over the weekend, and i just don't know. i had a dream about him, and i guess it was just about the "old times". so i was starting to like him again... but now i just don't know. if i do, it's probably just a "crush" or whatever... haha idunno. it's whatever though. i still don't know whether i should do the dance... i can't dance though!! HAHAHA whaaatttttt