i've been thinking about it. it just hasn't sunk in. today was a good day. but i keep thinking about it. i don't know what to feel. i'm not numb.. i have my feelings. i don't think i've turned cold. but i just don't know what to feel. i'm fine. really, i'm fine. i just don't want to see them together because i'm scared i might just breakdown. i haven't really seen them together much, maybe that's why i'm not so sad. but this is weird. i know i can't avoid them forever. i really just don't know how to feel. i'm just living. i mean, there's something missing, but it doesn't feel like it. i'm not complete, but it doesn't feel like anything is missing. i can't describe it. i've actually been happier though.. so this is weird. tuesday was a very good day though. i concentrated better in class, had a very nice day. but idk. i'm weird. what to feel... what to feel.

I'm in my 4th period right now.. waiting for lunch to come.. you know what i just realized? i am MUCH, MUCH stronger than i thought. i've been through something worse than this.. but amazingly, this isn't really affecting me as much as i anticipated it to be. i have no idea why.. but this proves that whatever comes my way, i can fight it. actually, there's no need ot fight.. i've conquered the situation and i'm not letting it stop me live my life. i'm gonna try to live.. to love life. i love how the sun rises and falls. the sky every hour of the day. the Earth is so beautiful.. we're all too caught up in our problems to realize.. maybe we've seen but we never took the time to appreciate. To just close your eyes and stop once in a while and take in the beauty of the world. there's a time for having time for yourself, and a fine line with ignorance. the world is beautiful. the world is very beautiful. but there are people suffering... just reach out to them. there's more important things than a a broken heart to worry about. the truth: THE WORLD HAS NOT ENDED. everything is gonna happen when God wants it to happen. everything has it's time and place. in the meantime, enjoy your life and stop worrying when they WILL happen. enjoy your life. love your life. you can't go back trying to love it when you finally realize you wasted your time not living. confusing? yea it is. GOD IS SO GOOD.

have a huge headache right now. just saw someone's journal (thinkpeace) pretty nice. i'm texting my friends.. whooo hooo i have a life right? yaaaaaa sure. ever since i found out, i haven't bee feeling much. it's whatever, but i cried a little. it doens't sting, or hurt, or whatever. maybe it's something deep in my heart... i know that we've put too much into it for it to all go down the drain. it's the power of the Holy Spirit, how else could i have not been so broken? i saw my heart protected in glass... but i didn't feel i had my heart. where is it? that's what i want to know. but idk you know...? only time will tell.... it's the ultimate test... until then, i'm gonna live my life. it's confusing though... aren't i supposed to be sad? to be crying? i'm not. but i cried knowing i wouldn't be the one comforting him whenever he needed it. i wanted to be the one who understands him, but i'm not sure if i will ever hold that place. i think he has someone else now for that... but why do i feel like this is all just something i have to face? i remember i prayed to God... i didn't want us to be together until later... that we would end up together, even if it wasn't in the present we would be meant for each other. maybe He has been answering my prayer? yess.... maybe... but everything's all for a greater good. it truly does not feel as if i lost him. that feeling isn't there. maybe he is still here.. but things aren't gonna happen right now. i think maybe he wants me to understand him. i truly am trying, believe me. i just don't know what to say... you might not know, but everything you say is always on repeat in my head. i can't believe how deep you are. i don't know what to say to you. how can i give back to that? intellect is truly a gift. i love your intellectual self, but things aren't meant to happen right now. i'm putting all my faith in Jesus Christ.. the only One who never lets me down.

WOWWWWWWWWWWW!! Landon Pigg