So I have come to a conclusion. I love Alex, I really do. I love him so much that I am finally starting to let go, so he can lead a normal life. One full of happiness and respect, fun and love. I tried to do that but I failed in a miserable way. So I am taking the steps of moving on. I have nothing more to say other than that. Havent slept since the night of August 7th.. It is August 10th. Tomorrow I will come back. Til then, goodnight world.

It's been a long time. I'm Lindsey, 18, senior. I'm in the middle of figuring out what college I am going to while debating if I should join the army. I would like to join but I can't go if I don't have him here waiting for me. I can't move on with my life until I know he sees who I am and sees that he may not need me anymore, but I need him. I've been thinking so much. I miss Alex, I love Alex. He doesn't miss me. He doesn't love me. I'd give anything for that boy. He was there for me through everything. I was too for the most part, but I hurt him so badly. I'd die to take that all back. Every night I cry, as long as I'm alone. He was perfect. He was everything. He created who I am today. In December I broke his heart when I smoked pot. Something was not right in my head when I did it, I was lost. But the guilt ate at me until I confessed to him. I broke up with him due to the guilt. I wish I didn't. God, I tell him how much I love him, what I would do for another chance but I can't get one. I love him so much that it hurts. And it hurts even worse knowing that he no longer does. Tonight I've made the decision to start praying again. Here is my first one: "Dear God, I love him. I love him more than anybody could even imagine, more than anybody could ever love somebody else. He was my first real boyfriend. My first love. My first lover. I have made more mistakes than I can count but I am asking for forgiveness. But God, I am asking for more than forgiveness. I am asking for you to speak with him. He is Alex Winchell, the love of my life. God, I want to spend the rest of my life with this boy. I am begging you God, please tell him what I feel. Let him know how much pain I am in. Please convince him to give me one last chance. I need to prove myself to him, prove that I am the only person who can give him the world, and I want to, and I will. Dear God, please help me. Tell him tonight in his dreams that I love him. Tell him that I'll do anything just to hold him in my arms. Tell him that my love will never die. Tell him to have hope and faith in me to do the right thing. Amen." Tomorrow I will come back. Til then, goodnight world.