so.. todays sunday. yippee. i feel mature all of the sudden.. i dont know why.. but i looked up at my first entry about ryan and i was like.. wow. RIDICULOUS. i think i change a lot daily now.. right now im so mellow. haha. cory invited me over :] to watch tv haha. until 4:30 when i have youth group. at the christiansons. oh that will be fun driving on their level b road. and now im gonna go ask daddy dearest if i can depart to movie-land at a certain lovely boy's house :D oh joy, permission is granted. ta. Peace.

So we went to Lindy's Closet today to try on prom dresses. And sad story.. the dress I was sposed to try on is on hold.. boo hoo. Oh well. I think were going up to Jordan Creek on Sunday anyways so that should be AMAZING :] And I'm getting my new phone tommorow!! It's amazing cuz my phone freezes up and wont let me text.. grr.. I think it's sole reason for exsisting is to piss me off.. haha. And Cory is pretty sure that Kirstie and Logan will prolly date.. which wouldn't surprise me either. Except for the fact that he holds my hand in Am. His.. :P Just cuz I scratch his head haha. But it's all good.. I hope she gets over Cory soon. I know I said I wouldnt date in HS but apparently Cory doesn't want to wait for very long.. or so Tacy says. And he even told me he's getting attatched. So.. hmm.. Interesting. Well.. anyway.. life is amazing :] Peace.

So. Everything is right in the world. :D Me and K talked after school.. and it was all a HUGE misunderstanding. She thought I wanted to date him {{I dont}} and I thought she wanted me to choose b/w them {{She didnt}}. So we talked til like 5 after school today.. and went cruising with Caleb and Kaitlyn. We tore up the fairgrounds.. twas amazing :] And Tacy came down today. To show me and Cory pics of the dance. Well, to show me and bring him his. Well.. when she came over to pick me up Caleb was at my house cuz he was friggin depressed. And he saw her pull up and started to cry.. really cry. Like I was wiping away his tears cry. It was really sad.. so then he walked home and me and Tacy went over to Cory's. Chris was there. Wow. I hate that dumb cunt. She told Kirstie that I crashed at Connors with Caleb and Cory. And she acted all nice to my face on fight night but then called me a bitch and apparently hates me.. I hate 2-faced people. Anywho.. I told Cory we were on friend terms only.. and it didnt work. Like.. I was blowing air in his ear cuz it makes him flip out haha.. And anyways.. He was like "You know that makes me just want to kiss you even more" and I was like "Ok.. lets see how long I can do this before you do" so I kept doing it and like 5 seconds later he kissed me.. omg it was amazing.. But yeah. Were just gonna hang out as friends. Oh! I was talking to K today and she was like, "Well I prolly wouldnt have minded [you and Cory hangning out] so much if it was like a few months from now or when I was actually over him." So basically if we wait a few months {{like summer maybe?? dunno.. I prolly wont go to many if any camps this summer so i should be ok in the falling for other guys department}} then it should be ok. If he can wait that long. I think that it would be good for me.. I mean, I need to make sure its what I want cuz I dont want to hurt him. I've hurt every other guy I date and I dont want it to end up like that. Plus, my parents dont want me to date him. And anyway, a lot can happen in a few months.. we may just not like each other anymore.. And we both know its just high school.. so yeah. But the bad thing about this is he says hes never fallen for a girl like this before.. quote: "I've never fallen for a girl this hard or this fast before" and he told Tacy he can't stop thinking about me. :DDDD

That was a really long entry. Wow. And this one is short. :P Peace.

Ok. So this is going to be another long entry.. just fyi. Wow. This weekend was FRIGGIN AMAZING. It all started with fight night on friday. It was at Dustin wilson's dad's old place. I went with Cory and it was really fun.. Chris was there though and she was being a total bitch. She kept on insisting that Cory fight her and it was ridiculous. He was like "Im not fighting a girl". She just kept on at it though and he got superpissed.. He was like "Why didnt you guys tell me she would be here?? I wouldn't have come." Then colton stole his phone and his mom almost came and picked him up cuz he didnt answer it.. So he was superpissed about that too. So then he and colton fought.. and he lost the first time. Cuz he was so mad. He just kinda lost control and colton just kept hitting him over and over on the head.. it was bad. He says he think he got a cuncussion cuz he blacked out for a bit and then couldnt see straight and talked weird.. but the second time colton "got his shit rocked" according to dustin {{haha..}} so then we went to the school.. and from there we went to connors house to crash. I forgot my pjs :[ so I had to where jeans. Me and Cory shared the couch and a friggin flannel blanket so I was soo hot haha. But it was amazing.. Simply beyond amazing. He held me in his arms all night. And he had taken his shirt off cuz apparently he cant sleep with it on. *rolls eyes* But I wasnt complaing.. Anyways he was uber tired from boxing and had a headache so we crashed at like 10:30 while connor, tate, and caleb watched midnight meat train {{haha..}}. We talked. A lot. He kept telling me how amazing and beautiful I was.. and he wouldnt listen when I told him he was amazing too. Psh.. *shakes head* And of course.. we kissed.. And he is an amazing kisser. :] haha. At one point he was just looking at me so I asked him "Whats on your mind?" And he's like "Just a question." So of course I bugged him til he told me. {{This was at like 2:30 in the morning}} So he's like "Go out with me." OMG I was soo sad that I couldnt just say yes.. Why do things have to be so complicated?? But he understands. I mean, Kirstie is my best friend. Well, she was. But I'll get to that in a bit. Anyhwo, I told him, "Cory, I can't do that to Kirstie. She's already upset with me.. just for hanging out with you and being your friend. Plus.. its just not a good idea for me to date anyone right now. Everytime I do, I end up hurting the guy I'm with. And I don't want to hurt you.. I'm so scared that I will though. You have no idea.. You mean so much to me." He was like "Yeah I understand.. don't worry." And then he just pulled me tighter around him. He is soo sweet. So then Saturday morning we wake up at like 6:30 and get to the school at like 8ish.. Then we went over to his house. They wanted to leave by 8 but colton wouldnt get up and ready and then we stopped at about a zillion places. So we left Corydon at like 10. It was ridorkulous. Anywho our party consisted of cory, his mom, his grandma, his little sister liberty {{aka libby}} whos 5, colton, and me. So libby is pretty much a little violent monkey.. she was climbing all over everything in the minivan, flipping over her seat, and kept coming back to the back where me and cory were sitting. Cory kinda got pissed after a while.. especially when she kept pinching and hitting and pushing me for no reason. The pushing actually hurt the most cuz of my back. So anyway we got up to valley junction finnaly.. we stopped in walmart first in indianola. But we got to the theatrical shop, where they had the dumb and dumber tuxes.. the orange and baby blue. Well, colton tried on the orange and cory the blue. Colton took one look at himself in the mirror and said "Nope not doing it." So then he kinda threw a big fit cuz his mom and grandma were really pressureing him.. so hes like "Im going out to the car." And then blamed it on being bipolar. Ha. I mean he is but really.. It was ridiculous. After cory tried on some more tuxes {{including a purple one, the orange one, and a really ugly pimp suit that was ret velour with zebra striped trim}} we just shopped in the store for a bit. Cory got a hat for St. Patty's day thats shaped like a mug and says "Got beer?". Then we went up to Skeffington's which was.. interesting.. Cory didnt like any of the tuxes {{he wanted nothing black or white.. unless it was pink and black}} but colton liked a white with black pinstripes one. So we were waiting for him to be able to try it on when I heard a "Nonononono Libby no!!" and turned to see the mannequins falling.. Three of them, inlcuding the one that colton liked. Well.. one of the three was going to fall off the ledge so I had to run over and catch it and then cory helped me fix it. While we were putting the mannequin back Cory's mom took Libby out to the car. Cory was so embarassed that he folloed them so I went with him. Colton didnt want to stay in there with just his grandma so he left too.. It was pretty friggin hillarious. After that we went to China Int'l Buffet.. It was amazing. I love chinese food.. :] And colton.. little klepto he is, stole some crab leg cracker things.. Sighh.. After lunch, we went to JoAnns fabrics and found pink and black material and a pattern for cory's tux. He also got some stretchy pink material for underwear.. It has little reflective thingies all over it. It was pretty spectaculicous. Cory had to be home by 6:15 ish so he could be at Tacy's at 6:45 for pictures.. Well, we got back to corydon at 6:35 {{colton's fault}}. And Tacy's house is like 15 minutes away when driving the speed limit. So Cory was pretty frantic. Then Colton took the van to First Stop in Allerton to get a stupid Auto Trader magazine. And cory's phone was still in it. So he was superpissed.. But he got to Tacy's house. About 10 min. late. And then he got pick pocketed at the dance. 20 dollars and a Walmart Card. He was kinda mad about that too. So.. while Cory was hanging with Becky and Tacy and getting theived from, I was at the movie with Caleb, Mason, and Cody Leer.. and Kirstie. Wow. I talked to Kirstie about the whole cory thing last night.. and it didnt go particularly well.. First, I sat next to her and pulled her left sleave back. And.. Cameron had been right. So I told her, "Kirstie, apparently we have something to talk about.. You know me and cory have been talking and hanging out a lot lately. And we really like each other.. I can't control my feelings, but I can control what I do about them. And I know I told you he's off limits and I feel like a complete bitch.. I just want you to know whats been going on." And she was like, "Well, it was really hard to stay mad at you cuz you kept coming up to me and giving me a hug.. But you know I won't forgive you for this for a really long time." Me: "Were just friends." And then she was flipping out at Caleb cuz she thought he had told me about her cutting herself. So I was like, "It wasn't him it was Cameron." Me: "Cameron told me I had to choose cory or you." Her: "Yeah, pretty much." Me: "So you want me to choose too??" Her: "Rosemary. When I was with Cory I told you a lot of stuff about him. And if you two date I don't want to be around for that." Ok.. I wouldn't do that to her.. Talk about cory in front of her or around her or to her. That would be dumb. I dont anyways.. Me: *thinking * So I have to choose between two of my best friends.. *out loud* "Well I have to think about it for a while.. I cant just decide now.." Her: "Yeah I didn't expect you to decide now." Me: "Ok then.." So basically I have to choose to be friends with Kirstie or Cory.. and if I'm friends with Cory she wont be friends with me. Its so stupid.. I was soo messed up last night. I called Willerd.. and he was with Sadie. Awkward. But omg.. Cameron really pissed me off. Friday night when I was at Dustins he texted me and was like "Ok can I talk to you about something" So I was like "Sure.." And then he started ragging on me about the whole Kirstie thing. So I told him "Cameron it really isnt your place so please stay out of my buisiness" and hes all like "Well you just do what you think cuz you know you know everything" {{ok, a little background story here.. me and cameron always had an inside joke where I knew everything.. and it was a joke. Til he turned it around on me fri. night}}. So that kinda pissed me off a lil more than i was cuz I hate when ppl get in my business when they don't belong in it. So I told him "Ok, I'm kinda mad so I'm gonna quit talking now." Cuz I didnt want to say anything I would regret. So he replys "Yeah thats right just run awya from your problems like you always do." And I was like Wow.. that was completely uncalled for. So I was like "Fuck you." I was sooo past pissed.. And he was like "Thanks" I didnt even care.. Then he sent me one that said something like.. "If you keep going down this way your going to loose a friend.." News flash!! She already hates me.. and wont talk to me. So whatever.. I just decided that I'm going to continue to be friends with both of them and if she doesnt like it then she can hate me and not be my friend. But Im choosing not to choose by choosing both. I was talking to Mason today and he was like, "Oh so your using reverse psychology. Nice.." And I hadn't thought of it that way.. But yeah, it kinda made sense. Anywho.. after I told Cameron to eff off.. his sister started texting me: "Hey, this is Kylie, i think I can help.. just call me if you want an unbiased opinon.." Yeah. Right.. I'm going to call you kylie cuz your just one more person I DONT NEED in my business right now. Shes dumb. Anyway.. Cory is texting me now.. :] Hes so adorable.. haha. Peace.

I am just so sick of everything.. Of kirstie being pissed because im friends with cory of cameron being pissed cuz ppl telling him i "do stuff w/ ppl after school" of adrian being pissed for i don't know what of my parents jumping down my throat for every little thing of lying to the ppl i care about most of not knowing how i feel. This sucks. Major ass.. bleh..

Ok. So a lot has happened this last week. And I wouldve gotten on sooner had I not been freaking GROUNDED. Grr.. but oh well. Whats done is done. And its over now so yay. :] Ok.. now down to buisiness: 1. Cory texted me when he was drunk on friday night. I was at my grandparents in Illinois City {{very dinky town.. and they live on a farm. so I was socially isolated and I thought I would DIE. But I didnt. So yay..}} Anywho, he was drunk and texting me.. and he was like "I really like you." {{This was at like 2 in the morning}} and then he said stuff like.. "When you gave me a hug when we got back from leon i wanted to kiss you so bad" and "if i ever get the nerve im going to kiss you." So Saturday morning we were on our way back to Coe College in Cedar Rapids to pick Audrey up from the scholarship weekend and he was like "I'm sorry if I said anything bad last night." And I was like "Well it wasnt bad. Just interesting" and hes like "oh geez what did i say?" So I told him. And he was like "Omg im so sorry." Then he asked me what I thought about it. So I said "I'll be waiting for that kiss you promised." And he was like "ok :]" 2. On Sunday after church, my mom wanted me to walk cuz she thinks it will help my back {{it doesnt}}. So I was in the old gym and I was texting cory and we both agreed we were bored.. so I was like "come over and ill let you in through the doors by the old gym" So he did and we talked for a while and then he.. kissed me.. :DDDDD {{

Well.. today was fun. First day of singledom in a while.. so yay. After school I skipped my piano lesson to go to Leon with Cory. Ok, so it was way over by the time we left, so maybe I should say to spend time with him. We were hanging out in the wrestling room and he was lifting while I sat on the bench and just kinda talked with him. Then we just hung out in the hallway with Cainen (douchebag and a half.. bleh) and talked some more. He had to go to Leon to pay a phone bill so he was like, "Hey, wanna go with?" I was like "Sure." But I had to ask my dad first, and he was at work, so we went home to call him. I didnt know his desk number at work and when I called the front desk no one was there because it was after 5, so we just drove around and talked for like 45 minutes waiting for my dad to get home so I could ask. And surprisingly he said yes. So we went to Leon and took a detour through Humeston and Cambria on the way home.. It was loads of fun. And our arms were touching on the armrest like the whole way back. *gush gush* Yeah, its silly.. but it was really warm cuz I was freezing my ass off even though his heat was on high haha.. But yeah.. and then I gave him a hug goodbye. So it was pretty cool. We talked about a bunch of random shit.. like near death experiences, cars, wrestling, girls, guys, relationships, high school.. Leon kids who want to beat Cory up.. haha And he kept thanking me for going with him. Like 5 times.. it was really cute and funny haha. I'm SOO glad I'm single and I have a lot of friends.. yay.. :] Peace.

Ok.. So I just realized I don't have a "formal" introduction haha. How lame. Or not..?? Dunno. Anyways.. I spose I'll insert a rambling introduction here. Because I ramble often. Anywho. I'm trying not to burden my friends so much with my problems.. They already have enough on their hands.. What with Moriah's insecurtiy about Brian, and Kirstie and Cory breaking up, and Adrian.. well, I don't really feel like Adrian would care very much. And Tacy is all upset about Caleb. And thinks she's prego.. Lordy. Anywho, there's really not too many people who I can confide in at the moment. Deffinately not Cameron. For one, it would be really dumb. And for two, he doesn't really worry too much anyway. But yeah.. So I'm trying to keep a blog. Usually it doesn't go over too well.. but I'm gonna try again. If it doesn't work, at least I tried, right?? Ok.. so today was a bust. I left school at 1:15 to get my MRI on my back.. and I was so friggin nervous!! But it turned out ok. We won't get the results til tomorrow though.. :\ Oh well.. And Kirstie keeps on IMing me.. but Lord knows she'll start talking about Cory which is all she ever does. No offens to her I love her.. but right now I can only take so much of other people's problems. Ok so back to my day.. Well I got back with like 10 minutes left in the schoolday. And then Mrs. Arnold told us who would be going to HOBE. Between Ryan, Moriah and me guess who it was? NOT me.. bah. It was Moriah. Lovely. I love that girl to death.. I'd take 100 bullets for her. But she just endlessly talks about stuff that excites her. And it was a big dissapointment. So I really don't want to talk about it right now.. I dunno. I feel really selfish but when I say congrats I want it to be from my heart, you know? Well.. whatever. Pluss this whole Ryan thing.. Gah. Why can't I be rid of him?? I keep thinking about him. I wonder if he likes me. I listen to the music he listens to and look at the lyrics.. to see if it's a hidden message to me. Corny, self-centered, and dumb I know. But my heart is seriously in overdrive here. I'm pretty sure I love Cam, but then Ryan has always been there.. and I'm starting to think that he will be for a long time. And I hate it. When I'm dating someone he's so nice, but when I'm single and he likes me, he doesn't do a thing about it. I mean, he can't take a chance with me, but he can with Laura?? It's so dumb.. he's so confusing. Grr.. And I keep wondering if he still likes me. And it's really dangerous. Cuz I don't want to break Cam's heart like I did Colton's. Or Brady's. Or Sean's. Well, I dunno about Sean. But he's quit his stalker tendencies!! {{Yess!!}} I think Cam said something to him.. At least, that's what Matt said. And he doesn't ever talk to me in the hallways anymore. So that's pretty friggin amazing. Ok. So that really got a load off my chest. Thank goodness.. I know I prolly sound whiny and complain-y.. but this is my only outlet at the moment. ok.. so i origianally wrote that for my personal blog site thingy.. and i was going to erase it but then i realized wow.. this is still how i feel. so then I was like ok whatever ill just keep it. wow. im so tired right now.. i wonder how were doing at wrestling districts.. hmm.. ill ask cory. peace.

Oh my God.. I freaking hate my mother!! She's such a bitch.. So I forget to turn in one little piece of homework for English and she gets on my ass about it. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to be grounded for like two weeks. Which sucks. I hate it.. Grr.. So there goes my social life. Bah.. Well.. On a lighter note. Or maybe not so light.. I cruised with Cory for like an hour last night. I was flipping shit massively. I was thinking way too much.. About Ryan, Cameron, and liking Cory now. So he's like, "Do you want to cruise and talk?" So I was like, "THANK YOU LORD!!" Haha.. It was just what I needed. We talked about everything pretty much. About me reading too much into what Ryan does, about me not knowing how I feel about Cameron anymore.. and a bunch of other stuff. Random shit haha.. And we were going to race Sean Foster but it didn't happen. Poohey. But I got to drive Cory's Corvette! It was friggin AMAZING haha :] And just like he said, it helped alot.. Anywho, writing about Ryan made me think of this thought that's been in my head lately.. I'm not sure if I like Cameron anymore. Like, more than a friend. And I don't really know how I feel about Ryan anymore. I'm not even sure if I really do like Cory, or if I just want a lot of guys.. I like guy-attention. And it's really bad.. But I just feel like I'm at a place where I don't want to be. And today is the day before Valentine's day so naturally our school hands out gifts. Well Cam got me some pretty gorgeous flowers and a really fluffy teddy.. And now I feel like a bitch because I'm going to break up with him in like a week or two. And he's told me he loves me and I've said the same to him.. So it's getting really sticky. Wow. Now I'm rambling. And I can't get any of these thougths out of my head.. So sorry if I bore you with the never-ending details of my love life.. Haha.. But wowzers am I excited to go to prom with Cory.. and in such a dangerous way. I will be way happier in 2 weeks.. or less.. Bad me. >.< Peace.