[twenty six] current song: I Must Be Dreaming - The Maine current mood: confused Soooooo...I just found out that the guy I fell hopelessly in (unrequited) love with over the summer, goes to the same university as me. He's from a completely different part of the country, and I thought he was going to be going to school in a state next to where I am, but nope...he's HERE. And I kind of stalked him through our school student directory online and facebook and found out where he lives...which is the same apartment complex as the guy I mentioned I'm starting to like in my last entry. I talked to him for like...2 minutes on Facebook chat earlier tonight, but at one point he didn't respond and then went Idle and then signed off. So I'm just confused. I want to see him sooooo bad. Whenever I'm around him (which hasn't been since late August), I'm more attracted to him than I have ever been to any other guy I've met. And the other boy I like is coming over tomorrow night to watch LOST. But I really really want to see this other guy at some point. I can't like two boys that live in the same apartment complex and could possibly know each other. How twisted would that be??? Shoot me in the face...I need to figure this out.

[twenty five]
current song: (none) I'm watching Prison Break.:)
current mood: Not sure

I've been in such flip-floppy moods lately. I'm starting to think something's really wrong. Maybe I need to start taking my meds again.

This morning I threw up twice. So I skipped all my classes but one. I had to go to my Advanced First Aid class to do my skills test. Blahhh. I would have skipped the whole day, but sadly, I couldn't.

And tomorrow I have a group presentation in my Econ class. I'm totally not prepared for it, either.

I just screw myself over and over again.

I may like this guy. I met him last semester and we hung out with him for the first time in over a month a couple days ago. He's really funny and just a super nice guy. He's coming over on Wednesday to watch LOST. :) We'll see what happens.

[twenty four] current song: The Cab - This City Is Contagious current mood: pissed Again, there's a reason why I don't talk about politics to my friends. Especially since all my friends from home are liberals that I never agree with. She just wrote me the BITCHIEST thing. LIke, she was talking about how I am attacking her on a public domain and she loves me, but I can't corner her with comments that will make her or our other friends angry. I'll say whatever the fuck I want to! It's MY fucking profile!! she didn't have to comment on it. She should know me better than this. When someobdy acts like a bitch and attacks my views, I put up my bitch front too. And now I'm fucking PISSED OFF at her, and I don't know whether I should respond right now, because it would be ideal to not ruin the friendship. And if I do respond right now, I'm giong to be a bitch and just make her more mad. But I don't know if that would be a bad idea at this point.

[twenty three] current song: Jason Mraz - Life Is Wonderful current mood: frustrated I don't talk politics with my friends for a REASON. Because I'm very stubborn and I don't want to hate them. But when she brings it up and is indirectly being such a BITCH about it like she knows everything and she's so fucking right....I kind of lose it. Because obviously she's fucking retarded and wasn't listening to the debates very well. Joe Biden is a fucking TOOL. "Nobody cares as much about Israel as Joe Biden." Are you fucking kidding me? He talked about himself in the third person MULTIPLE TIMES. What a DOUCHEBAG. And she has the fucking audacity to wonder how McCain/Palin is going to get things done when all Obama does is throw out fancy words and all Biden does is talk about himself and his fucking website. I'm so done with my friends right now.....

[twenty two] current song: Come One, Come All - All Time Low current mood: happy So, the date actually went really well. He's a really cool and nice guy. And The Office was amazing as well. So that was good too. I don't think I'm going to ever really be in a relationship with the guy, but I definitely want to hang out with him more. I could see being really good friends with him.

[twenty one] current song: Bad Habits - My Favorite Highway current mood: i have no idea. I think I'm going on a date tomorrow night. Dinner and The Office. This kid really confuses me. I haven't even met him yet. WEIRDNESS. I really truly hope it's not too awkward. What the fuck did I just get myself in to?

[twenty] current song: Bad Habits - My Favorite Highway current mood: frustrated. Why is everyone getting fucking engaged and married while I sit here, have been kissed in over 2 years, haven't had a boyfriend in 2 1/2 years. I'm fucking pissed. Shouldn't I have a chance at something?? My roommate got her first kiss a year ago, and has had 2 boyfriends since. What the fucking hell?!? There's gotta be something wrong with me, right? Because honestly, this is fucking pissing me off. I hate being the one left out. I just want something. I want to make out with someone at least. Is that too much to ask for? Just a little NCMO. Fuck. It's actually making me incredibly depressed. I'm fucking pissed and frustrated and I want to go fucking home to Seattle before I lose my fucking mind here.

[nineteen] current song: Far From Home - The Classic Crime current mood: homesick I'm so lost. I've got a bad pain in my heart. I've just been completely kidding myself. I should just give up now. I feel like such a fucking retard. Seattle is calling me back home.

[eighteen] current song: none (i'm watching Cellular) current mood: happy/giggly/bubbly Does he even have the slightest clue to what he does to me? Maybe I'm just being stupid. I haven't seen him in almost a month. I've talked to him online once in chat. And then I sent him a message on Facebook, and he made me as an officer in his group as response with the perfect officer title name. He's just so fucking adorable. I can't even stand it. That boy drives me crazy. I'm so incredibly attracted to him. I've never been that attracted to somebody in my entire life. Anything he says or does just makes me crazy. He's so fucking adorable. I love him. And I can't do anything about it. But anytime I hear from him, I just want to giggle and blush and sigh*melt*drool. I don't even understand how one person can be so amazingly attractive.

[seventeen] current music: none current mood: frustrated I've been back at school for a week now. Just finished the first week of my junior year of college. It's giong to be crazy, dude. I'm going to have NO social life because of my anatomy/physiology class. Anyways, I was excited about getting back with my roommates until I just realized int he last 30 minutes how frustrating it is to watch a movie with them. They're so fucking innocent and sheltered. I don't understand it. We're watching a lifetime movie and there's a part at a party and this guy and this girl start making out on a bed and my IR (innocent roomie) #1 turns to my IR #2 and is like "change it." I'm just sitting here, like, WTF. Honestly, it's not that bad. You need to fucking get over it. And then this girl's getting these rape tests done at the doctors and they're asking her questions and IR #2 changes the channel again. Again, I'm like WTF. So I turned to look at her and kind of made this face. And she's trying to justify why, but I was just like "it wasn't that bad. she's just at the doctor." And they tried to say something again, but I basically said "Oh my gosh you guys, it's really not that bad." And then they haven't said anything else. And NOW I remember the cons of going to a Mormon college. Honestly, I love the classes, my apartment, and the professors, but seriously. My roomates need to chill the fuck out. They're WAY too sheltered or something. It drives me crazy. I'm a little irritable right now, and quite frankly, the IRs are pissing me off. I just want to go somewhere and fucking do something. This sucks, man. I want to go home.