I've come to terms. With the facts. It's just life.

Dear Wonderful People Who Make Me Question if Life is Worth Living, Thanks for making my day suck. Your welcome, me

Tonight was amazing. Amazing amazing amazing. Regardless of the many stupid things done by me. I make bad decisions for my life but they're still fun. went to high school rivalry football game saw tons tons tons of amazing people there had an amazing time lost my voice screaming and my HS kicked some severe ass :] which was amazing. ran around after the game with my friends and an amazing guy :] until we got kicked out by some security guy for various behavior issues torwards the other teams ppl aha woops partied it up in the parking lot went to a coffee place played dare with my buddy ended up chugging tobasco sauce (don't do that ever) then hung around old town with some more cool ppl now I'm back Can't talk, Can't think, But feel amazing yes. good night. very much. forgot about things I needed to forget about.

Don't feel good, don't feel anything. Don't care about anything Wish I did

I hate when I can't stand up for myself and can't find the right things to say. Today pretty much was not a good day. My parents totally flipped on me. Telling me how my friends are so much better then me. Other things. It didn't feel good at all. So I left. On my bike. Went to the store and then this party at the lake. Where I saw people I didnt' expect to be there. Including the guy I probably should be liking, but don't. It was awkward, cause I was mid-breakdown about my parents. I left pretty fast. Hung out at friends. Then I had to come home. To attempt homework way beyond me To avoid conversation with the parents I had nothing to do. They've banned my from anything that I find worthwhile. So that I'll find things to do that THEY consider worthwhile. Oh the joys. Being an only child sucks. It really fucking sucks. 3 good things about the day: I got to sleep in It was cold My friend burned me an amazing CD Damnit, I feel like a failure right now. Badly. And that feeling really really sucks.

Leave it to me to fuck this up. Why do I have issues doing things most people can do in their sleep? I feel incompetent. I hate being controlled. I hate how I'm living my life. I said there would be pictures. I lied. I'm too tired.

I just realized you can put pictures on this journal. That is amazing. Pictures mean SO much more then words. Espically my words. That is because I'm a failure at writing And at English. Talking, writing, anything Words have so much more meaning in my head. Too bad I can't get them out that way. Paramore Is fantastic. Misery Buisness Is where I could and should be WishingForYou, your journal is amazing Just so you know. Next journal:: WILL HAVE PICTURES!

School has started... week uno down the drain. Only 5 billion left to go. Okay not that many. So far school is okay. I'm separated from my friends and have work thats sooo much harder then they do. I miss everyone who's still in my old jr. high. I hate dividing up my grade like this.. but next year will be amazing. I have to keep reminding myself that this year may suck, but no matter what next year will be amazing. Next year will be amazing... I'm looking forward to it. I always feel like when I'm looking forward to something I'm wasting the time that occurs between now and then. I feel like that now.. I'm just waiting for next year. Which makes me feel like this year is a waste, and just time that needs to pass in order for next year to start. As much as I want this year to mean something, and to be amazing. I hope it is. I hope its good, and I hope I can keep in touch and still see everyone I love at JH. And I hope the schoolwork overload doesn't kill me and my time management skills. Which fail. I always start the summer promising myself that it'll be everything I want it to be and more. I plan to do all these amazing things and to stay busy everyday doing crazy fun activities with awesome people. And always at the end of summer, regardless of what I actually do, I feel that it could have been so much more and that I wasted precious months of freedom. I didn't waste my summer, and it WAS amazing. It just doesn't feel that way when freedom is suddenly taken away from you. I love parties. People should have more of them. They make life worthwhile. Crazy ones are best :] I have issues talking to people I just met. I feel awkward. I know for a fact that I'm not overly outgoing. I need to work on faking it. "Let's start a riot"

Questions: Are vacations always hell? Are guys always players? Is schoolwork always torture? Are friends always backstabbers? Is family always the people you want to see the least? Is the east coast always this humid? Are computers always slow? Is myspace always depressing? Are feelings always this strong?

Smile Empty Souls has some amazing music. I miss people. I don't miss school. I wish I could somehow see all the people I miss... And the only way that could happen is school. But actually, that won't help. Because I'm going to a new school, all alone. So I don't have to consider wanting school to start. I don't want school to start. I can just say I miss everyone who I'll never see. I feel stupid. I've been feeling stupid alot lately.