i for one am sick of them. i hate being judged and having certain people to hang out with because of what i look like. personally i feel i dont fit in with my friends. i feel i am laid back, quiet, shy, kept to myself, sometimes unhappy with the way things are, i like spending weekends alone with my ipod or a book, just because i like being by myself. i hate how people put me in that little box. give me a chance, please. let me show you who i really am. its just not fair but yet, i am a total hypocrite, somehow i can't manage to grow up and stop juding other people. i need to look at myself before putting the blame on everyone but me. im sick of this vicious cycle peace love LABEL

vacation was amazing...i had the best time ever!!! too many things to even explain. well i also found out that m was leading b on to, soooo its def over between me and him, not that there really was anything. i might be getting close with a new boy rB (B for boy =] ) well i went to a church fest last night and that was freaking amazing. i dont even remember everything but there were woods with HOTTTTT guys, the hottest guys i've ever seen ever with my eyes, then they started to pull out things that should be kept in so lol we were like umm okay were gonna go, and then two others with a skateboard, they were like drunk and everything else imaginable. best time ever. i decided that im gonna cut j out of my life pretty much, k is gonna be cut back too, and c and j the boys. i just dont need them i decided. i think im really maturing this summer, and i think my confidence is starting to shine through. like with rB, i can look him in the eye. i cant do that with any guy and feel comfortable, but yet i do with him. but i just dont know. im not too concerned with boys at this point. peace love DESGUISE

i dont like m, im forcing something to please other people. the question; how do i "point him in another direction" i guess. really tho, i just need to be patient and wait for the right guy. i dont care how long it takes. my neighborssss =] heres and update, i dared r and b to go over there one day and introduce themselves and i told them if they did i would buy them pizza. so they go over and apparently they have a really pretty daughter who's my age, so we'll probably hang out, and then a son whos 2 years older. i havent seem him tho so idk idk =] leaving for vacation today. i shall be back on the 27th i believe. peace love ESCAPE

i had a little party/gathering today we had, (nicknames of course) franklin, amc, k(boy), m(lover), and then girls r, b, ak, j,and me. it was actually really fun, it was really chill and we hung out and yeaaa. m and b and i wer hanging out a little bit, kinda cute. i still dont know him that well, maybe the answers to my problems would be to wait till i know him??? duuuhhhhh wow. i decided im going to take this "relationship" for lack of a better word (is that how that saying goes?? sounded kinda smart when i read it somewhere =] ) super super super slow, like cautious, i cant make a mistake in this selection. if this grows into something it cant be a hasty decision. i have to know in my heart that it was meant to be not forced. rawr, why do i have to be like this honestly? on a lighter note, i got a gold razr today too, i love it. sooo amazing. btw im leaving for another vacation far away thursday. gahhhh, could be kinda fun tho cuz there will be like 5 kids there my age (give or take a year or so) guess thats about ittttt peace love CHEESYxPICKUPxLINES(awww ;] )

woowwwww i am soooo excited for warped tour. i dont even care what you all think. maybe i dont belong there, maybe ill look super weird going, maybe people will have a problem with it. you know what?? i dont give a fuck. put that in your juice box and suck it. i do know that i love music, and i love the bands that are going to warped tour. whether or not i "look"/"act" the part to be going is questionable. im soo over caring because point blank, everyone's the same. im not better or worse than anyone. when i first started going to concerts i realized that people probably thought i shouldnt be there because of how i come across and to be honest that scared me, but now, its not worth it, im not as innocent as a i look so dont push me around. i think i actually aply this to my real life because since i started getting into music i am beginning to become my own person. i dont care of other people'e opinions and it doesnt upset me to know that someone hates me or doesnt like me or whattteeevvvverrrr. i dont have time for it, im living my life, end of story. peace love WARPED

ummm still have no clue as to what i should do about m. hell, i dont even know him. i am crazy. for real. could be a kick ass thing but idk idk. gawd i just feel like letting go and being a normal teenager. i've waited so long for this....whoa epiphany, ever since i was a child i wanted to be a teen and i'm finally realizing ummm hello taylor you are a teenager now, these are the years you lived for, live it up like hell, do whatever the fuck you want. literally im realizing this now, this is my time, i shouldnt let it go to waste like i've been doing, wow, i freaking love this journal, i owe my life to it =] peace love TEEENNNAAAAAGGERRRSS hell yeaa

so yesterday bestie slept over but first we went to a baseball game. this guy was there, m, as we call him. i was talking/joking around with him and others most of the time. it was pretty fun. i had a great time actually. bestie apparently asked him coming out of the game if he liked me. his answer: "i'm not sure cuz i really dont know her, but as of tonight...yes." immm officially scared. i cant hide it, cant ignore it. my rising fear of love, being love, imperfection has arrived. and the scariest part, hes not even positive if he likes me AND ive only hung out, if you can even call it that, once. how iirraaattttiioooonnnaaallll can i be. the worst part; theres nooo one to talk to, except this journal, and people who probably dont care. gawdd this bites. i cant talk to bestie cuz she just wont understand, shes always been the party girl, goin out with a lot of guys, she doesnt care about true love when she can try them all. im the opposite i crave perfection. i want desperately that perfect first relationship. i know in my heart of hearts that i dont need perfection. i should just let go cuz i really enjoy m. but is he really different than any guy ive ever met? am i just so longing for someone to lean on that i'll just go out with him cause he likes me? am i stupid enough to lower my standards? my mind is goin back and forth constantly. i cant sort it out. it seems like everything i say is a contradiction to what i believe in or previously thought. rawwwrrrr. the one thing i will not stand for is ending up liking him and then being my damn shy self and not being able to even look at him. i dont understand why i am cursed with this state of mind. whhyyy mee? what have i done to deserve this?? what can i do to fix this? this is not normal, i am a teenage girl, i should be boy crazy, which i am, and should constantly look for new relationships. the problem is, i hide whenever an opportunity comes up. how do i change, how do i get more confidence. i need answers. i need someone to talk to. this is ridiculous. im insane and i finally know it. peace love CRAZY

i read the book "the pact" best damn book ive read in a while. soo touching, allowed me the chance to have a taste of what true love feels like. very heart warming and opens your eyes to different point of views. i went to besties today =] it was fun. she wants me to fall for this new kid whos coming to our school next year we shall call him m. not sure cuz i know him less than r. what happened to r u may ask? bestie decides m is better for me. its not like i let her control me lol. i just never like anyone at all so its okay for her to do that. but that abnormal fear of love keeps coming up. im trying to push it down, but im not sure how much longer i can hold it. peace love LET.GO

long story short, im grounded from phone, computer and friends. ummm i hit my brother and he did way more shitt to me but i got the blame for the whole situation, bestie had to go home early. idk how long im grounded for but im super pissed. g2g gonna get in trouble peace love GROUNDED

the concert was amazing, despite a few mishaps, it was the funnest thing ever. i love panic all over again. and academy is was awesome. cannot wait till warped tour!!!! my cousin was at summerfest too. i was hoping to run into her but no such luck, although she did go to the same concert as me. im goin to the mall today =] and lastly...we talked. yes me and r. yes online, but it still counts. short and simple but i started the conversation =], (i think he may be nervous :o ) peace love YAY