soooo the boy that made fun of my family finally, truly, and sincerely apologized to me. i accepted, and his friend invited me to his party this weekend. this friday is my formal =] =] should be uber fun summer is in literally 7 school days...how amazing?!?! bestie and r wer acting SUPER weird and like pissing everyone off today..idk but it was just like wow ure real cool. cough cough cough we watched dirty dancing in choir today, GREAT movie, but im not sure if we wer allowed to watch it or not...o well. reminds me a lot of step up. that was a great movie too. so exams are coming up and im a teeny bit stressed but no biggy, ill get through it. i am just absolutely loving cartel again...band in a bubble, only the sweetest effing thing ever!! wow, i know this is weird, but watching them on their webcams is super super fun, not like in the shower, although that would be nice, but watching them chill and record, theres something so surreal about it. i was listening to them record a song called like lose it all or something SOOO AWESOME, a lil different from what theyve done before, a lil more raw and edgy but SOO sweet. bad news: my dr pepper cap expired...I NEED A NEW ONE LIKE NOW...i seriously think im gonna die if i dont get one soon. lordy lordy. anyways, im gonna go find something to do peace love BUBBLE

i just got back from vacation couldnt go swimming or anything cuz it was too cold...bummer=[ gave me a chance to catch up with my sweet friend MuSiC...sweetness=] yeaaaaaa it was alright i guess life is like in slow motion right now...it still hasnt hit me about jv n v n all that crap yet i dunno when it will but im not looking foward to it i really do not wanna deal with people right now. the only person i wanna talk to is my bestie, and i barely even wanna talk to her people just suck summer, for me, is in 8 days, and it cant come fast enough....oh lord, i just hope summer can just kick ass this year. i really wanna let go, be my own person, try new things, be completely different...lets hope i can live up to those wishes well yea i wanted to go out today cuz im sick of being stuck here, but bestie is at a party and, like i said before, i do not wanna look at any of my friends right now. i dont know if any of you read the A List series, but i do, and i really feel like my life is gonna turn out to be that way, Anna, the main character, is some what of a wet blanket (kinda like me) and moves to california to start a new exciting life. but back home her bestie (like mine) is dating a boy whom anna likes (like me) and she justs wants to get away. i was thinking about that today and it hit me... i just need to start over how to go about doing that, i have not a single clue. i mean yeah i could switch schools, but it would be hard to just get up and leave. idk idk i guess the best i can do for now is just think about it and all the outcomes and consequences....yup yup peace love PONDER

sooo yea im goin on vacation for like three days so i wont be able to journal just givin yall a heads up anyways happy memorial day weekend everyone party it up stay out late listen to no one be yourself peace love PARTY

wow omg i LOVE this video with all my heart CUTEST ASS THING EVER =] =] fave line: "what are the lyrics again?....no i'm not even kidding you" wow how adorable http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IFu95WTRSg

so sorry i haven't journaled in SOO long..my freaking garbage of a computer crashed several times and its finally working but we have to put ALL the software back on so today was a horrific day...i did not make varsity dance team...however i did make jounior varsity...except there are only 8 freaking people on my team, compared to 18 on the varsity...cool right??? yea i dont think so. so i was really upset this whole friday afternoon, yea friday wasted. the other sucky is part is all four of my friends got put on varsity so i have no one absolutely no one, except this ONE tenth grader i really like, but the other 6 i dont like this team just looks more and more like a joke to me so i guess the only part im really upset about is that ive been dancing for 12 years and its hard to find out so late in life that youre just not that good when you've based your whole life on it. thats the most confusing part to me but i guess all things happen for a reason...right? not so sure anymore i want out of this place more than ever, i want nothing to do with the outside world, nothing. this weekend is an opportunity to just find myself, be myself for once. all i've gotten today are phone calls and messages from ppl saying OH good job im just like shove it up your fucking ass, i know youre lying through your teeth, you know youre lying through your teeth so save it. i made jv i understand i suck. i wasted my life on something that wouldnt get me anywhere its hard to look at the world and know that no matter how bad you want some things you can never have them. it just sucks. all i want is to be alone, rethink my life, and to just get away from everything, switch schools, start over. i dont know if theres something better out there for me, this could be it, but i sure as hell can't take this anymore and its worth a shot. i just cant deal peace love DISAPPOINTMENT the phrase that pays

today was an alright day it rained...my most favoritest thing ever in the whole world right now i wanna make varsity dance team (try outs next week) like nothing else that ive ever wanted..seriously i want it so bad i cry. i dont even know well i think im gonna go sit out in the rain peace love RAIN

things are slowly starting to repair themselves....yea i went home sick (for real, i was sick) today at lunch. but other than that, things are good i got f.o.b/cobra starship/+44/academy is/PAUL WALL (how cute) tickets for my bday the only suck ass thing is that its a box suite...not FLOOR my favorite freaking place to be during a concert let me put it like this; standing on the floor at a concert for me is like a drug...no lie. as crazy as that sounds, its also insanely true. yeaaa so thats this week and im half way pumped for it now..idk we wanna go find some hott guys to grind on for paul wall, ya know, party in our suite, if you will. then were spending the night at b's then the next morning were goin to the new ihop (yess lol its like the party joint of my town right now lol wellll not really, but ppl like to go there) and THEN we have a bowling field trip hellll yeeaaaa....hahaha how baller are we?!? did i tell you were calculating the velocity and acceleration of the ball......yea our school kicks butt (not really) well my mommys bringing me home a milkshake...pretty darn excited for that nothing on tv right now (i HATE when that happens) taylor swift is amazing 1. because she has the best name EVER cough cough and 2. shes young, fresh, and sings about all the things i feel in a very classy, tasteful way i might add just thought yall should know anyway i promise to journal again soon peace love FALL OUT BOY

so i was really blown away by this one girls journal xxlindsaydarexx props to you dear what an amazing writer and not to mention, i feel the same way, to an extent anyways well i just thought i should share =]

today was my birthday at school...yea and this guy had to fuck it all up made fun of my family...he got the worst of me i cried, for reasons, and my friends comforted me told me he didnt care what he did hasnt said anything so me and my friends are making his life a living hell, telling him he only swims to parade around in a speedo (true) we call him gay (true, we think) trip him, unzip his back pack childish i know, but i have never felt hate like this before, never such hatred. to think that someone could be so selfish is beyond me. i truly have no control over my body either, i feel like everytime i lay eyes on him i'm going to slap him, i felt an urge to just kick him, punch him, slap him, hurt him until he couldnt bare it. never this kind of hate. its weird knowing you have no control over your body. how ever he did get called down to guidance today for fighting with my friend in s.s. and he started crying ( i don't know why i get such joy out of that but sickly, i do) but he denied everything, m set the guidance counselor straight. i cried all day today. couldn't control it. i feel so ashamed. its an indescribable feeling, it truly is. not only did he make fun of my family, but i have other problems that are no laughing matter and he seems to find it comical. go figure, so jouvenile. it hurts so bad. bad names, crude gestures, what good can that do? he said what he said, he's not sorry, he doesn't care. how can i change that? but, how can i let it go? its MY family, MY problems. how can you sit there and make a girl cry over something SO sensitive to her? how could one go about doing that? i don't understand. i feel so alone in this, no one knows, no one understands. its me against the world. he's evil, pure evil. his sick twisted mind can burn in hell. never this much hatred. never do i want to feel like this again

so today is my birthday =] =] =] im sooo excited hopefully my party today will calm down all the drama seeing as all the attention will be on me hopefully next time i log in ill be on a lap top...my lap top?? idk its a long shot but idk so my confirmation is in about 5 hours, yea its 8 am here, i couldnt sleep late on MY birthday now could i? so much to do, so little time =] well thats about all i have to say sorry for the gaps in journals peace love HAPPY(ness) BIRTHDAY