on second thought. i dedicate this to the nauseating taste of failure.

i dedicate this insignificant and pathetic journal to nobody. because anyone else would be insincere about it. 'oh, yes.. this is.. nice' "fuck you" talk to the mirror, your tired eyes are killing me.

I said, "this won’t mean a thing come tomorrow", and that’s exactly how I’ll make it seem 'Cause I'm still not sleeping, thinking I’ve crawled home from worse than this great romances of the 20th century by taking back sunday. amazing how things were all right for a brief period of time on friday. stupid how they all started going horribly wrong. I bet it'll sneak up on me.

they kicked me out of bluesettes with those hideous fake smiles. then i fucking suggested somebody to take my place and smiled back and left. then i joined vertical limit, the average vocal group. no more bragging rights. shame. shame. stupidity. sympathy. ''aw, really? we'll miss you''s. ''maybe you should try talking to them''s. fuck you all. tough? i'll fucking show you tough. now excuse me while i go rip my eyes out in the privacy of my bedroom. even if they asked me back[which they won't, this is not a musical haha], i'd say no. because i am now committed to vertical limit. fuck brampton[bluesttes trip]. fuck it all. i'll stay home and practice breathing inside an archimedes experiment in my bathtub. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IP69sWIwgEY my arm is the one that's finger-moshing/pointing in general. not the freakishly long rock symbol arm. check out the mr. brightside cover they did too, though my arm is not featured in that one. she's in the hospital for horrible stomach pains. fuckfuckfuck. i wouldn't mind being rejected infinity-fold if she could get better. and now we pray. dear god, let me take her hurt. let me take it away from her. i hope that the deed is enough gift for you. otherwise pick apart a piece of me in return for this. thank you. in your name. i do this deed. in your name, i do any deed. for you are holy. and i am not. for even if i doubt your existence. you are an icon of hope. and hope is something anyone can believe in. in your name is hope.

funny how much can be crammed into a heart before it reaches a breaking point. hilarious how we consciously shovel more into a heart when it's about to explode. the fall out boy concert on friday was amazing. i bought my ticket from a scalper at 7:15(the show starts at 7) I pushed my way through the pit to the barrier. i was right in front of peter wentz. it kickstarted me out of drowning. i can swim again. but not literally. i hate swimming. i want to fly. through an endless diamond sky.

summary: "i am put at ease somewhat by the inevitablity of strange and dark days. not light but the opposite, it is inevitable. this hotel room overlooks a city that i do not understand when usually i am overlooking cities that do not understand me. i dont have any "start over" left inside of me. i wish anyone would understand. all roads lead to longing. the neon signs never turn off here. there are oceans inside of me." - peter wentz pretty in punk - fall out boy the end. just a healthy dose of teenage heartbreak. if these are the best days of my life.. i want to be shot before i grow old. aren't i somewhat melodramatic? nah. just 'to-the-point'. speaking of points. my daily activities lack one. i don't really enjoy what i'm doing right now. i am sorry. i'm not the way you think i am. take care. i am sorry. (i just don't want to grow old) (nOoOoOoOo)

and there's never any place for someone like me to be totally happy. cavanaugh park - something corporate I'm just so angry. Crocodile tears won't do any good. I'm living a life based on excuses. Terry Fox ran with just one leg after cancer treatment. Here I am crying wolf at anemia. snapsnapsnap. I'm on everybody's neck. can't write well can't run well can't act well can't sing well won't live well I don't want to deal with those idiots. They're not my friends. I don't like them. I don't like anybody. I don't like anything. stop making excuses. you just didn't do your math homework. you just don't want to sing for two hours with those people. oh. right. I overcommitted. Now I'm stuck with it all. I want my free time back. So I can wallow in 'peace'? operation get the fuck away is under way. once they all hate me. it'll be easy. somethings never do change. be cool. (never do chaaange)

dance.dance. i won a t-shirt that says muchmusic video dance. all because of my 'sweet dance moves' bluest eyes did not notice me. he was busy with all his girl'friends. you know the guys who more friends who are girls than guys? yeah. dream: slow dance to you're beautiful with --- it's too early. catalysts are not worth it got into a fight with best friend. stupid ash, don't you ever think? tired note to self; hell if i know

i am trying to figure out which is deadlier. oversensitivity or insensitivity. all i know if that i am tearing my lips apart, wasting the time that i will need in the morning. wasting the knowledge i will miss in the morning. i am young. an advantage. see, i get to do everything right that you did wrong. or i might just fuck it up worse than you ever dreamed possible. should i send myself into a fast rejection? or work through a slow decline? shoot or let suffer righteously. it really isn't the same. sleep now. 1 am is not the time for the likes of you. the likes of me?

the princess of overstressing her lack of attention. - says: i g2g to bed - says: goodnight αѕн says: gnite it's nothing. but so is the world. if you mess with the king's queens, you better watch your aces, jack. i've always loved that. maybe all i need is some proper capitalization and a much better attitude. sc- yea. 80th time's the best charm.