so today was sposed to be the big stress day, acct exam. woke up 6am, then went back to sleep, then woke up again, 6:20, got up n had quick shower. it was still dark grey, and raining. the weather that suits the exam. managed to catch an earlier train than i planned, only by a few mins, was luck, was a sign it wasnt gonna be such a bad day. got to central around 7:30? waited underneath near the florist, was still raining a bit. she got there around 5 mins later with some west indian dude, also doin acct exam. went to catch a 372, skipped the first one coz it looked packed already, and just waited under the bus stand. finally bus came, hopped on and sat at the back. tried to do some acct study, was a funny trip coz she made me look at some high school kids shorts to see what school he was from, i didnt get it but just told her it was a bit weird for me to be looking at a boy shorts in the first place, lol funny moments. finally arrived at randwick, got off and as usual we were at the back of the pack, talking random stuff. she met some of her friends on the way, shes got alot of them, here n there. then went to upper tea to get ready for exam. the venue itself is alrite but the outside study area is crap, not much shade and is wet from the rain, so studying then wasnt really doable. then finally went in and did the exam, she got somewhere at the front middle i was on the back right, near a window, so that was nice, i could look outside when i was bored. the exam itself was, well i actually expected worse, i know i made alot of mistakes but tried as much to answer whatever i could. the questions overall werent too hard, just that i didnt know em haha. multiple choice part was easiest imo, most of it till the end was doable. hardest part i think was the ratio's question, and accounting policies, but anyways its over now, cant do much but hope. after weather was still same, just a tad brighter, think it was 1220 when we finished. rang john to see if he had a car with him today, hehe im so lazy, but he didnt :(, he had an exam 2-5. then she wanted to go uni to study more, so i obviously tagged along heh. then we started goin to uni, by walking, a friend of hers tagged along, dean. the walk to uni was interesting at first, but then as it went silent it got awkward, we just walked pretty much for 10 mins in awkward silence, on the way i saw john, he said he'll be studying at uni pretty much every day and that he'll have car on the weekend, but i cant make it on weekends coz i got family commitments. then finally we got to uni. went first below q lounge coz they both wanted food, they didnt end up getting anything so i went to pick up the daily. we got a spot in lab 6 coz lab 5 had no good seats. then the two decided to go maccas, i already had something so i didnt go. them two were gone awhile, i wonder what they got up to. i just did some infs revision on normalization, that part is gonna kill me in the exam, unless i ace it fast. when they came back, we all just relaxed awhile, i think i was just checking out some passion music, he was just relaxing and jess was on her neopets. then after a bit they got into their macro study, they seemd to be doing more than studyn at parts, but i just kept to myself, she looked like she was pretty interested in him, i tried to just ignore it, was probly nothing. then i think i fell asleep for a bit, was a good nap, always is at uni. then i think it got a bit crazy and bludgy again, i was just bumming on facebook and we saw shermans 'hardcore' funny photo with sunnies, omg i laughed out loud. and then when she saw it, she went berserk too, comments were posted on his many 'interesting' photos, shortly after sherman started messaging thru facebook, haha the convo pretty muc hwent like this, "what are you guys doing" "nothing just commenting on ur funniiii photos" "erm hehe please dont" "too late haha" "please" "ok fine ill take them off" "thanks XD". so yeah she doenst know i took her comments off coz sherman didnt want them :( i think the last hour or so was spent trying to beat my facebook typing speed record, managed to get 81! oh yeh...lol lame. then the dean guy left around 4, and was just me n jess left. she went to ask some macro question downstairs so i just did smore youtube on rnb, found some old mario,treysongz,beyonce songs. then when she came back she did some neopetting so i went on too to play a bit, got bored after a bit so went back to youtubin, found some awesome clips of the philippine all stars, best hiphop group in the WORLD. she was looking at some leona lewis and jabbawockeez, shes inspired to want to do some dancing, or "slow movements with the feet" as she calls it, she wants me to learn it and teach her, lol like i can learn how to do that, ive tried it was fun, maybe ill try again when i get the fitness for it. then we finally left at 5, we got lucky and had two 895s waiting with no line. the bus ride was mellow, nothing much happened, we just talked a bit then for the most of it i was just day dreaming, does she just consider me a friend? does she really want me around or is she just being nice, too nice sometimes that i dont know what to think, or is she just playing me like a flute as some sort of experiment, i dont know, all i know is im gonna cherish each moment, even if no most likely it wont get anywhere coz she has so many better guys to choose from, shes out of my league =/ or thats what i feel. after gettin off the bus, there was an interesting and a bit embarassing moment, where she was asking abt the guy in the korean my sassy girl and why he likes her, i didnt know what much to say, i just said i guess coz she has her cute moments, then she asked if she was bossy, and i sort of went all stupid there and i cant rem what i said but i think i made some stupid line like 'hmm not really, sorta, i dont know, hehe' at first i thought she was asking me subtlely, if i liked her? but i dont know, probly my mind playing tricks on me again. sometimes it looks like shes trying to say something more, but i dont know, maybe i just imagine it. then we made our own ways, her train was coming at 530, mine was already there.. songofthemoment john legend - each day gets better Where do we go, who knows? But each day gets better, I just can't let her go

slept late the other night so was damn tired in the morning but still got up to go gym. went for 3ish hours, was pretty long but so needed, a nice wake up and felt good after. had some lunch then did smore study for acct, while chilling to some trey songz and jack johnson (hah i know total opposites) but they make for a smooth study session. halfway thru i got an sms, she messaged asking for my home no. and help on acct work, funnily it was something i actually knew a bit about. so i sms'd her back and instantly the phone rang, i dont know whether to take that as she just wanting help urgently or she wanting to talk to me (wishful thinking much?), either way i obliged and we pretty much talked for over an hour, we did get some acct study in but it didnt feel like we were on the phone to study more like just talk (again im probly just looking into this too much =/). anyways im just feeling good coz i got to talk to her, i wonder if things are happening for ulterior reasons, im meeting up with her again in the morning at central 730 so we can get to the exam together, again she was the one who mentioned this not me, so i dunno if maybe she just wants a travel buddy or .. hehe iunno, im not complaining here, i guess ill see if she brings others. still into trey songz - cant help but wait, it somewhat relates to my situation atm, cept the fact she has no bf, but i just wanna be able to treat her right and tell her what i really think. it was the reason i slept late last night haha, learning the lyrics and singing it when everyone else is asleep (hah yeah im too embarassed to sing it, but when i do, i put my soul into it and mean it) songofthemoment (still) trey songz - cant help but wait I can't help but wait... Oh I, can't help but wait...

gosh after she left i thought it would start to get a lil down over here at uni, but listening to passionsf's songs on youtube, esp the one he made after he fell in love, 'oh vienna', made me so warm n fuzzy inside. got to do some work but my mind cant stop thinking about it, ah passion you know how to make a person feel goood through ur music, much love. songofthemoment passion - oh vienna

so i slept last night blanketless, not that i needed it, it was pretty hot, cant rem the last time or if i ever have done that, just a random thought. this morning i slept in a bit coz was still tired when i was meant to wake up, u know when u want to sleep but cant because u feel conscious of the time, yeah well i had one of those sleep ins, so i managed to get up some time after 9 and left home on the good side between 10 and 11. was a warm morning, much different to the usual fresh mornings, this one was a bit stuffy even though i was outdoors. train ride was normal, managed to get a seat and just did some extra reading for acct. at central station met up with an old pre uni friend, heh still looks same just with more facial hair, his one actually looks like it suits so it gave him a mature look instead of the dirty shave me look haha. then at the bus line met up with another friend from last sem, doing psych, so we just all talked on the bus bout stuff and life, my pre uni friend is getting a new house next year still in lidcombe just on bombay st, his gonna invite for some pool when its all done, so thatll be cool, better than my crappy cheapo pool table, thats like not playable now. finally arrived at uni we split at the library coz they go med sci way upper campus i was at quad. picked up the daily and went for some acct study. as usual the study was pretty procrastinated for most of it but then some actual work started. she shouted me some chips, coz i shouted her maccas last time. she just neopeted while i youtube bludged to music. damn budgeted questions, couldnt get the last bit of one, so complicated. then she went off to do something and so did her highschool friend to get salt, i noticed his gf was a bit down and sus, and i think she thinks that something is happening between them but i dunno and dont wanna invade privacy. she said nothings happening and just that her classmate liked her in yr11 but now his over her and with his gf. anyways these things are never simple. we just talked more abt her highschool and some rumours that gave her bad rep or somethin but i know shes not that kinda person, but other ppl can get jealous sometimes. so yeah interesting study session overall, got some acct learnt and some quality time with her. oh yeh gotta meet up so early at central, like 730 or somethin, bah gotta sleep early night before, oh and we goin starcity after row of exams before the infs one, to play craps or sicbo or poker or watever, i dont care, itll be fun =) im pretty sure now she just sees me as a friend, so im trying to do the same, and not think too much abt it, shes a really cool girl, nice, pretty, down to earth, makes me laugh, sometimes shes funny when she doenst know whats happening or asks a q, i just shrug and laugh. so now gotta get the mx for her, she wants anagrams, and do some covert thingo on her friends gf (i seriously cant do this one, they seem normal atm, nothing down, so i think she just over thought abt it) k gotta get back to acct or i really am gonna fail this. sigh. hoping ill do decent in the exams songofthemoment trey songz - cant help but wait (if she were to have a bf, this is how i would feel right now, i just cant help but wait)

from my last entry the weather has changed significantly, from extreme cold and wind to springtime warmth with a light breeze.. i dont know if this is just normal australian weather or the climate is just getting more and more unstable *shrugs*, i think i prefer this warm weather, even if its bordering on hot.. Was a bit stuffy inside so decided to go for a walk around the neighbourhood, it was past 7 and the sky wasnt pitch black yet, still had a shade of skyblue in the backcover..was a nice walk, clearing my head a bit and chilling to daphne loves derby at the same time. As i was walking around the neighbourhood i realised how indoor-centered we have become as a society, esp on such a nice night. just felt like there was so much you could do outside than stay cooped up indoors. There were a few others walking about, most just getting home coming from the station, others looked like they were out for a walk. After about 2 hours of strolling around the streets of lidcombe my mp3 started to die heh, ah well gave me some silence to think. Well besides that i havent been up to much, just got my suit and vest for sisters formal 18th bday on saturday, then went to watch cousins bball match at night and he slept over coz it was already late so we just ba'd till like 2am lol, then next day he woke up late at like 2pm or something, after i came back from suit shopping, bah shopping is so bleh, dont know why women love it, they wanna do it for hours, i just wanna get it over with. Then pretty much skipped gym to play with cousins, bah i shldve went instead, coz ended up ps2/ds-ing all day and night. then took cousin home who lives all the way in blacktown, so ended up getting home at 2am and had shower, ended up sleeping just before 4. then today was pretty much just at home in the heat. i never thought that i would be using this so frequent, i guess its a good way to relieve some stress and just remember the fine points of what i just did lol, coz im pretty sure i wont be able to remember every single detail in the future =) oh yeah tmr is monday, then tuesday then acct exam >.< sigh its gonna be huge, and i can only do maybe half of it well atm, oh yeah got a study session with 'her' tmr, so the next few days wont be so bad, ill be stressed over the final but ill be in her company so i guess they both even out, all i need is that cute smile with her hi that she does XD i probly look like an idiot trying to return the hi, half trying to show that im hesitating, half wanting to just stare deep into her eyes and smile.. anyways cant keep thinking about this, i dont think she has any interest in me, after all shes after someone else, anyways gotta focus on studies, wish me luck, im gonna need it, not just for exams =) songofthemoment petra haden & bill frisell - yellow (such a sweet cover, really makes it feel like spring) .peace

well the weather has been getting colder and colder, i guess i could say personally the weather has been reflecting inside of me, i remember not so long ago, only a few weeks back it was so warm and bright, sunsets were a sight to see, now their a sight to miss.. at first it felt just a bit 'fresh' but then as it got later it turned into bone chilling cold, its meant to be spring but it feels like an antarctic winter storm, even the wind has been howling like theres no tomorrow, i guess i feel that way too, still torn, dont know which way to go, cant think straight, when i need it most for finals. i can feel my energy levels also going, that super human feeling i had is gone, and i know why. i gotta seriously get my shit together, cant keep on like this. i mean its something i need and something i dont. maybe want is a better word. i dunno anymore. i feel like such a tool doing that thing she asked me to do, like some last glimpse of hope, its sad, i know. well at least i know there is an end to this, gotta focus and forget. theres always god to turn to in times like these, even thought my christian roots haven never been strong, its never too late, i guess. songofthemoment switchfoot - twenty four

today was one of those days you needed to have and at the same time, want to just forget about. i was already anticipating coming in to uni today to see her, but i didnt know what i was going to do, whether keep the friendship alive and keep it at that or distance myself for my own good, because i dont know how much longer i can take it. the smile caught me off guard, and i couldnt resist to smile back, but thats all i gave today. thankfully my friend was sitting between us two, otherwise i woudlve had stronger mixed emotions, which i dont know what that wouldve done to me, im already falling apart inside, but ofcourse no one knows that, you can never let others see that side of you. so as much as i wanted to go to her and make her laugh and smile, i resisted. it was very hard at first, because she would give me her cute little puppy face with her adorable hello, i returned it half heartedly, i wanted to look her in the eyes, but if i did my heart would probably crumble on the spot, cause i know it cannot be, will not be, so why should i pursue it, even tho i very much want to. so the entire lecture went like that, i actually listened properly, for once and got some work done. after she went off to the guy she has her eyes on, felt even more worse when she went up to me and said "im off to see my 'lover'" jokingly (of all the people she tells about these things, it had to be me) i just returned a jokingly laugh and suppressed what i really wanted to say. i really hope she doesnt go for that guy, because he doesnt look like he would take care of her, to top it off he smokes, which is just even more offputting, she deserves so much more, not me, but someone so much more, i truly hope she finds that someone. i wish i had someone to talk to about these things, not that person who just agrees or disagrees and doesnt really understand what your feeling, someone who can really relate, this journal is all i really have to express it all. the rest of the day went by slowly after that, in a nut shell i was just constantly drifting in and out of reality nonstop thinking about her. went pass class with the friend who was sitting in between us (oh she wants me to take notes for her, i feel so used, but maybe im just looking to deep into things) then after i managed to do acct homework in my 1 hr break, then acct tute, then a long boring lecture, by then i was really really really drained physically mentally and emotionally, only thing keeping me alive was listening to my mp3, i dont know how i woudlve got thru without it. then bus to central saw sadaya and ben and had a nice train ride with em home, even if it was allstops, that was probly the up of the day, then after was a calming walk home, the sun was just getting down, but lately the sunrises havent been as beautiful as they were a few weeks before, i think they were only so beautiful before because of her, yes i am sure of it... i wonder if she even knows about this...i dont think so, i wonder how she would feel if she knew.. songofthemoment daphne loves derby - these ghosts, my hopes, the sand, the sea

Decided to just do a quick blog before i go to bed. It has felt like forever since last tuesday, truly it has. Each day the same thing just kept playing in my mind, whats tuesday gonna be like this week, and there are only so many tuesdays left in the semester too, so I gotta prepare myself for the end. Well its the quiet part of the semester now, just a big study mode now before the finals, all the assessments are over really, just really have to turn up, and not that i wouldnt want to. Well i won't keep blabbing on, ill probably do an update later on today (its 12 something now at night), changed the titles of the headings to give some sort of order, also looks better, less empty heh, some sense of purpose. sleep time. songofthemoment coldplay - see you soon (acoustic) I'll be doing my best, I'll see you soon.

can still taste a bit of the franjelico from saturday night, jacksons 20th, in the city. got their ON time, and bumped into ben and chenny, omg havent seen chenny in aages, still looks same and is the same haha, just a bit more bulk. so we just waited up in M9 at harbourside playing a bit of pool, chenny owned ben, i think chenny has been practicing quite a bit at uts. some random guy was watching and at first i thot it was just some seedy looking asian guy, but he was actually a friend of someone lol. then the rest started to come around 6 ish, gave jackson his on the spot present, two movie tickets, hehe better than the game, wendy will appreciate that i think, by 630 we were all shooting each other with lasers lol, was fun but way too sweaty and i think were just a bit too old for this stuff now haha, the two lil kids also made it a bit dodgy, playing with all us 19/20 yrolds, but all in all it was ok. came 3rd =/ 2nd to chenny, shame, damn cs skills. so we decided to just go have dinner after and skip bowling and anymore laser, chris badly wanted his kfc so he went and bought a huge bucket, and so did the other grp, while me chenny and ben just got some maccas. chris came over and was being a bit cheap and drank bens drink lol and ate his chips, lol poor ben went to get a kebab coz he was still hungry. then cathy and henry arrived, and everyone was just playing with the funny looking tripod, more like three sided play toy =/ went to the playground past imax and sang jackson his bday, there was no cake but cupcakes!, good choice since probly harder to do a cake with no knife and plates lol. tho mine had a candle base and i mustve mis heard bethany coz i ended up nearly eating one, was as hard as metal, thankfully instinct kicked in and i realised it was NOT an oreo lol and so i just spat it out. hilarity ensued. so we started doing random things in the dark in the city, in darling harbour near the playground. anyways after that we went to norita on george st, cool cafe board game place. started off slow but we ended up having an awesome time at the place trying out this cool carsaconne game. pretty addictive, then ppl started heading off, we split the bills then just henry, chenny and chris (thanks to peer pressure) decided to go have drinks in the pub nearby, some tasty franejlico was my shout then henry shouted some midori, both were tasty. chris needed to go home so we just went and trained it home. good night overall

its been what, only 3 days, and im going crazy inside. god i wish we still had that assignment now, coming in to uni for her was so worth it, but for her it was probly just another assessment, and i was just another grp member. nothing more. i guess. thats life, but it cant be like this, there has to be someway, i mean i cant just stroll into uni randomly and say hi, these few tuesdays left will be it i spose, then the last goodbye forever at the finals, then what, just let it go? so hard to. but its prob for the best, i know theres nothing in it and its just my mind playing tricks. she has her eyes set on someone else, someone who probably deserves it, she doesnt deserve me, im out of her league as she put it talking abt him. ah well, what can i do, its the classic infatuation situation. she was probly just being nice all those times and i looked too much into it =/ but i dunno sometimes it felt real, or did i just want it to be? i want to get over her, because i think she doesnt feel the same but at the same time i dont want to, im torn. songofthemoment boys like girls - thunder