eveyone is dumb everythin is fake music is the only thin tat is real 2 me nw

Its been a long time since i upload my journal..actually i really wann do so but then i hav no chance..all i can say this past few days has been so fucked up 4 me..jus few days ago my mother scolded me like shit...n i really feel tat bein young sux..actually i really feel tat i sux badly as a person.. i noe tat she scold me bcas she mean me gd..but i hate it..i mean like wateva..anyway again abt my this whole stupid crush thin is like goin on n off..i thought i 4got abt him but no i did no..then l think i did..wateva its sick..i really if sometimes i lyin 2 myself all wat actually i do like him..i really dunno... n 2 day i saw him tokin 2 this whole bunch of gals jus like wat he n me use 2 b like then i was like feelin go ur own way..i'm over u..m i really over him..i m confuse..so wat am i really feelin..everythin jus sux and smt i feel life is so sick is like there nth i can really do everythin i dun wan jus fall on me..like i hav 2 go 4 this fuckin maths remedial hearin tat i feel my life nw is so fuck up..y everythin i wan jus don come my own bloody way..

i think the best expectation in life is no expectation.. this way u will enjoy a lot of things in ur life.. 2day i went 4 this sch trip which i first thought it would b quite borin..but i was so wrong abt it it was so bloody fun.. i make more new friends..which is really great i think these small things in life really make my whole day brighten up.. i really like this outin very much..hopefully tat could happen more often.. i feel tat i really started 2 get him off my mind a bit.. by mixin wit new ppl AINT TAT GREAT!

oh god i really don wan 2 think abt him.. but i really cannot.. some1 pls save me.. he keep stuckin in my head.. he sux..but y do i like him so much

some 1 give me a hug..i nd tat so badly.. life can really sux so much sometimes i got this friend who really sux like hell..she loves tellin me how gd her life is n all tat shit..wateva is not like i wann noe But the worst of all she noe i like this guy n she purposely go n flirt wit him.. the worst of all she keep tellin me all the things the guy do 2 her..and she later tell me u wont b jealous rite.. FUCK HER man..I HATE IT.. my crush is not any betta...He sux big bloody time.. i really hate him..how i wish i can jus get over him jus like tat..everythin sux everythin burns.. God pls save me frm everythin.. but anyway i noe i could not say anythin i mean its a free world they can do wat they like but i jus very irritated.. i jus hope 2 get over him soon..

I think the whole rain-dark story relats 2 me quite a bit..but i think they r so much betta..they both like each other..they will b leavin the sch the same yr..the best of all they might b getin 2gether..honestly really happy 4 them wit a bit of envy.. i thought after goin back 2 sch i can treat everythin as normally like the whole confession thin nv happen..i really wrong i jus cannot treat him like wat i use 2 do..if i noe things will turn out like tat i will nv let it happen..i found myself avoidin him more tat he do..its jus very hard 4 me 2 u noe start 2 tok 2 him..i really got millons of things 2 tell him but i dunno how 2 break it...u noe when i c him flirtin wit other gals which he always do it really suxs..but i noe its really his own freedom but i jus cant help 2 feel veri jealous.. a part of me really wan 2 get over him and move on but another part jus cant let him go..i still try 2 wait 4 him after sch..jus like b4...sometomes i c him sometimes i dont but i still dun mind waitin..even i c him 4 jus tat bit i still feel veri happy...cas i really noe i might not hav this chance after a few months more..i really feel veri upset abt eveythin..the whole damn thin jus sux so badly...i m so wrong abt everythin i thought tat mayb i cant jus 4get him easily but i jus cannot...u noe i really noe he dont like me...the excuse he gave is jus 2 make me feel betta..but somtimes i rather he can jus tell me he don like me i think tat way things will b betta though it hurts terribley but now its worst...i think its veri hard 4 me 2 ever tell some1 i like him anymore.. the experience is jus 2 hard 4 me 2 bear...i will nv make this kind of mistake i wish..since u noe how things change everytime n its really out of our control sometimes..

U noe its really funny how 2 ppl like each oyher so much but they cant seem 2 be 2gether...Well seriously i feel this is really tragic..The worst of it is both of them jus cannot feel that both of them r so in love wit each other..This is exactly wat happens 2 my best friends..my this gd friend of mine i shuld jus name her, rain. My this guy friend of mine i shuld jus name him,dark.gals betta. 4 some reasons rain always rejects dark sayin they cannot b 2gether cas of blah blah blah..Then when dark goes "flirt" around she gets all kind of sad n jealous (actually he not really flirtin around is jus tat she treats every gal very nice)...Rain always avoid him cas she feels very jealous n insecure 2wards him all the time.. but she nvs gives him the time 2 really tok 2 her wateva or give him the chance 2 b wit her...then if he really flirts around is not really his fault..mayb he is jus tryin get over her ..(but i noe he wont he 2 deeply in love wit her 2 let her go)..wat cant she jus understand tat sometimes she is her main source of her own pain...ya but at the end of the day i not any 1 to judge..love can b veri blind n selfish sometimes...anyway i kinda feel tat rain is startin 2 accept him mayb she finally realise how much he meant 2 her..i think she finally found out time is really precious..no matter wat they got my blessin...

its been a while tat i upload my entry..God i've got so much 2 write... well firstly i wanna say doin project wrk with some kind of ppl really sux..there is this gal who is 1 of my best friend does not do anythin..cas she went on holiday those kind of stuff...but i think even though she does not go aboard she would not bother 2 do any crap..she always have this 'thin' tat make ppl blieve she the hardworkin 1 ...but till they c her real self they will noe..how fuckin hell she can b..u noe she say tat we don understand her plight tat her grandfather jus passed away so she jus don hav tat mood 2 do work..2 me i'm sorri 2 hear tat but com on man she say that her holiday in this particular place is so fun..she watches the tv everyday.. i mean if she really sad she wont b doin such thin..she shuld b cryin daily..since she got so much energy y don she jus do smt more productive.. i mean is a grp wrk..i hate it but i do it..y cant she n this is not jus it she is like pushin the blame 2 me n my other grp member of not understandin her not givin her wrk 2 do n her adittude 2wards me really sux..i jus cant explain how frustrated i am..i really can actually let everythin rest but... is like she is such a total change person..she is jus like not herself..i dunno any way this really sux..i hate it..

Another day has pass again..i had like choir practices for like almost the whole day..startin it was pretty borin but towards the end it was better..so at the end i kinda enjoy it...i hav this friend who loves 2 boost 2 me abt her life...in a sense tat she would say how sad it is 2 b ''smart", "rich"...n shit things like tat..and she will keep cryin actin depress jus 2 fuckin ger attention..i really wanna tell her 2 shut her bloody crap..i mean every 1 noes how fake she is..her prentenious act...i jus hate it i mean sometimes i feel very bad bitichin abt her..she is nice 2 me at times but after all i think no 1 can stands any 1 who try 2 hard...and she always sayin how other ppl hates her n things like tat i mean frm the way u are promotin urself who will like u..i really wanna ask her 2 bloody hell wake up

there so much sch wrk 2 do and i have not even started doin any..i feel so guilty...always say i wan 2 do but at the end of the day none is complete...my attention will jus always shift away...there jus 2 wks more till sch reopen..not sure if i shuld feel happy or sad...this holiday i'm always back to sch 4 some choir practices(we gonna hav a concert soon)..borin!! but havin 2 see my instructor workin so hard really make everythin worth it..i think she really amazin person though i feel she some wat does not really like me..but who cares!But i guess i do understand y she does not really like me..i think i can b really annyoin at times n i really piss ppl off.haha sometimes i really feel havin this journal entry is really a cool CAS IT ALLOWS ME TO WRITE THINGS I COULD NEVER TELL PPL.