now i m livin in the era of 2007... this is my first entry of this year! Well again i mus say it has been so long since i posted the previous entry..but wateva the reason of postin this entry is bcas i feelin so bore now.. i mean its like already 2.36o'clock in the mornin, yet i m still nt asleep... and the reason bein:i cant go to slp, waitin 4 this someone 2 come n talk to me in msn. anyway this whole new year has been pretty stressful for me... got piles of work 2 do, and the subjects are so hard , another reason guess i gt a new crush again.. But then again, i always seem 2 fall 4 guys that wuld nv fall back..it suxs! anyway jus nw i was readin my past year entries and all i feel like i spent about 75% of the time writin about my crush...com 2 think abt it, i mus hav loved him a lot though nw i somewat feel that he is very digustin... but nevertheless, i still want to thank him 4 makin me fallin in love with...makin me know what are the things i should nv ever do when it comes down to guys...Lettin me hav the chance 2 experience the meanin of "heartbreak'..though its not a good one Actually i kinda gt to say at the begin of the year i thought that my school life would b once again miserable as there would no longer be anythin i could look forward2 ..but then, he came along, and actually i m quite amaze how i could jus fall 4 him jus like that...though there is so many things i would like 2 say 2 him but i guess i could only live it in my dreams... he is jus like a problem kid..he may look so strong and tough outwardly but he seems so fragile inwardly..like any min his heart would jus be shattered into million pieces...he seems to hav so much pain in him... i somewat managed 2 read his blog, i read about the pain of him lovin some one so much(so jealous)and the pain of bein rejected...i really feel so sad 4 him..but somewat i feel that i m a terribly selfish person bcas i really dared nt like him...i feel that with him my heart would always seem 2 break.. and i really fear for moments lie tat..and at the end of the day bein rejected again and spentin the rest of my time thinkin how i was and all those kinda crap..i really dun noe wat 2 do.. but guess i should jus concentrate om my studies and 4 get abt him..after all i m only 14 till next time

actually i had posted many entries but it kinda get deleted away...hopefully this entry wont. well its already the 5th of nov..still a 1month more to 2007..got a strong feelin tat it will b a great year 4 me..hopefully..i mean sometimes things u expect 2 be good may not turn out 2 b great.. anyway 2day i wann write abt a topic call D~R~E~A~M. i feel tat in my life i've got so much of tat... such like when i was younger i always wanted 2 b a police, physcologist, fashion designer, a guitarist.. but at the end of the i kinda feel tat i would b able 2 do it..cas everythin seems 2 difficult 4 me..however recently i kinda start 2 feel tat is not tat i cant do tat is bcas in my heart i already have something tat i always really wan 2 be...i dont think i wan say it out... not even in this entry..mayb is bcas i still do not have the courage to admit it..

i m so sick..u noe smtimes u jus feel so sick 4 tat moment like tat time...anyway 2day i went 2 the libaray n study..but i don y it was so bloody noise so i went 2 mac 2 study..though it was still nosi but much betta..then i meet up with my all school class mate..kinda cool we study 2gether while actually she didnt haha only i was..then we tok abt old sch crushes kinda cool wonder how is the guy i like 4 6 yrs nw..anyway that dont matter...while that dack home sux cas is like me n my sis tryin on clothes n those cuttin don suit me..so i started sayin this n tat then sudddenly my sis get so fucked up n started commentin if u don like then don wear or it cas u think its no nice and those shit..but there really somethin wrong when i wear..i don noe y she dont understand tat and it really annoys me when she does tat ..i mean it is lucky 4 her 2 b able 2 wear it perfectly but not me..life is unfair..sometimes u try n u try n u try but u jus don get it write..like my eyes infections is still no ok my face has real gross pipples and nw ifeel i look really disgustin..but i had try 2 fix this problems but it still don work out..i really don noe y n ppl out there r commentin out there then i did not do my job..yeah i did but it did not work out..so stop commentin man..it really sux in my position nw..i feel no matter wat i do will nv b gd 4 any1 includin myself....its like a 4eva do..this thin i may not had said b4 but actually deep in me i noe..it jus a fact that i nv wann admit..but nw i really noe..no matter wat i will always b livin in the shadows of ppl around me..nw i finally noe y i always tryin gain attention in the class..not even carin if ppl hate me a not..kinda sick rite..but if this really my will then bit..cas nw i dont even care..

today again is such a sad day..i saw his body and it was really sad..i mean i do not know how shuld i say i then start 2 think wat if this falls on me how shuld i take it..i really dunno..but i m still quite thankful tat his parents r betta nw..thank god 4 tat today i went 2 purposely send a msg 2 my crush and later i wrote send wrongly..u noe those kind of lame stuff..i did not really noe y i m doin tat mayb cas i m still thinkin..well i dunno wat i m thinkin 2..anyway i thought it will really b cool if he could u noe reply me back somethin like tat..sadly he didnt..wateva cant even thought i would do such lame n stupid stuff... but the later he went on msn then we started tokin i kinda feel actually i really dunno wat i so in LOVE with him afterall he is really no big deal... but perhaps this is wats love all abt

today..5 sept 06 is a really devastin day how shuld i say.. one of my distant relative had jus passed away though i not really close 2 him but i m really sad he's only 10 he died cause of some horrible brain tumor i dont really know wats the reason of god doin this but i really hope he culd rest in peace.. n may his family members b strong enough 2 carry on... i thin frm this we learnt a very gd lesson nv take life 4 granted.. amen

finally..all the sellin of stuff has finish yesterday was quite a tirin yet fun time 4 me.. like havin the sch inter competition..of sellin things this is really wat i wanna do in the future

sometimes i feel life is really ironic.. somethin tat u always want 2 protect the most actually turns around n backstab u.. like things u do not wan 2 happen actually happen and everythin starts 2 b so messed up..so i feel we mus always b very attentive 2 things we wan 2 protect in order not 2 make any mistakes..but its impossible..i guess its like the most difficult thin 2 do.. i m only a human after all..but sometimes things do happen tat really is under my control.. anyway mayb i 4got 2 mentions this but 1 of the most un4gettable things that had happen this year probably would havin an eye infections..lumps r like growin in my eye which really looks horrible..bcas of this i have 2 wear my spects go out..i think i really sux n i look terribly ugly..but again i mus thx my spects cas if it wasnt 4 it i wont b able 2 c clearly..so ya hopefully my infection would quickly go away... life is really quite borin these few days..i mean its basically tirin..like smtimes i feel everythin i do is wrong..when i speaks i fear tat other ppl would thin otherwise when i really don mean it..thus i feel so bad abt everythin...when i do some stuff i fear tat ppl would not like it though i told ppl not 2 bother but deep down me is full of insecurites tat i really don noe how 2 hide..i guess wish everythin will soon get betta

Once again, i got 2 say its been a long time since i wrote the last entry..Wats up with life nw...so much 2 tok abt..its been such a busy time 4 me..so much had happened..is like nw i busy over some inter sch sellin stuff kind of competition..i feel very stress n at the same time excited over it..but it really veri fucked up when i jus cannot get my ideals out..sometimes i feel me n my other team members ideals jus don match..is difficult cas u noe everyones taste is like so different...then at the end we could not really get wat i want..but i guess is really fine this is jus life jus the way 2 do bussiness.. i really find it cool when my friend's mon offer 2 help us in this n tat but once again sometimes it can b... (nvm abt tat)but actually no matter wat i really hope this whole thin will b a sucess as doin smt like tat is always wat i wanted 2 do..in addition we are first settin stores at sch.jus hope god will watch over us n the thin will b great.. it really piss me off so badly when one of my closer male friend is actually havin this lame n stupid cold war with me n my friends..is like 1 or 2 weeks ago we say smt like mayb a sentence tat offended him n till nw he is not talkin to us i mean wat the hell..he a guy how can he b so petty over small little things..worst of all he bithin' abt how my friend spent his bloody money when they r out i mean he actually wanted 2 try her..wat he did is so digustin..i m so utterly disappointed by his action..but at the same time i wish we can still tok n b friends with him again i mean honestly i miss tat old funny guy so much... Sometimes i jus dun noe wat friday i m in love..i mean gd things always falls on me with my crush..it actually been a long time i tok 2 him i thought after all i had said n done he wont wan 2 tok 2 me but he did..and its cool..he was like askin me y did not tok 2 him n stuff then he stared sendin me music..love tat...recently he is like havin this girl firtin with him all the time actually the girl always firts...i feel like they are doin all the stuff we did b4..but mayb u noe she talks n firt with him more..it makes me feel like i replace but i guess i m not so hurt afterall..i also wat is tat so mayb is bcas he himself is very firt 2 use 2 it probably..i dun noe

i think i am musicholic..i cant seem 2 stop listenin 2 music..i just keep listenin 2 it almost every min.. anyway this few days have been so borin..like there nth new to actually interest me..it sux then just a few days ago i took out this sum 41 'all killer no filler' to hear..i thought it relate 2 me so much..esp the song heart attack jus says wat i wanna say..actually i bought this cd lots of months back at first i thought i wasted my money cause the song frm tat cd wasnt really wat i expected..n i brought jus bcas of the sick of buyin it..n there this guy whom i used to crush is so crazy over this band..so i decided 2 buy..sadly at first i thought it sux but now i come 2 realise actually they do produce gd music..though i prefer their music now than b4...as in the chuck cd is more my thin but this older cd is not bad 2..overall i thought i made a gd choice buyin it..sum 41 kick asses

wat r we really livin 4..i'm sometimes jus so tired abt everythin..school,people,things..jus sux so badly.. i even feel that i sometimes sux as a person..i mean i noe compare 2 others i have a much betta life but i jus dont feel u noe.."home" i think or wateve..i feel so bored abt a lot of things like my work it jus suddenly sux so badly..like it was not as gd as b4 and i m not doin anythin abt it..i feel man, this so bloody bad..n actually i noe how i feel abt my crush all of the time..i try n try i did not get over him..which makes everythin even sicker..y am i so foolish..likin him..it sux knowin he dont even care i really hope tat we could go back to those gd old days..but i noe they will only live in my memory..