OK. I wrote to him, i visited him, he couldn´t stop smiling, neither could i. So i guess we´re alright. Maybe,he knws what I´m waiting for.... jeje. Yesterday I saw one of my old loves, he stared at me, I passed him by, it looks like i wasn´t enough then but now I am, well, no, I don´t care. So far, so great...

I spoke to him that night for a few hours, I could barely listen to the high music when all I really wanted was to hear his wise, soft, deep words. I think, we could be friends, but I'm too fuckin' shy to go visit him, or call him... he won't forget me. I think he understands me more that I dared to think... maybe we are the same, and we were born to find each other and learn again everything we are. I left the reunion knowing more than ever that he's the one to change my life, and my thoughts and my future... in fact, everything i am. But just maybe, no, i'll do averything possile to keep him near my heart and everything i do, wich i do at last, to honor him. I don't know, he's so wonderful, you won't find someone as him, ever. At least, i don't think so, he's complicated, and even when he's not the huge mystery he was when i didn't know anything, I don't think i'll ever finish to explore his kickass mind and wEirdness,. I could keep on and on, I can think about him without repeating my thoughts or memories for whole days. I'll write if something happens. I JUST PRAY IT'S FOR GOOD.I JUST PRAY IT'S FOR GOOD.I JUST PRAY IT'S FOR GOOD.I JUST PRAY IT'S FOR GOOD.I JUST PRAY IT'S FOR GOOD.I JUST PRAY IT'S FOR GOOD.I JUST PRAY IT'S FOR GOOD.I JUST PRAY IT'S FOR GOOD.I JUST PRAY IT'S FOR GOOD...HE IS THE THING I WANT THE MOST.

Well, yesterday I noticed that my last day there, I wasn´t with him. He forgave me, he gave me one of his drawings... I had asked for it like months ago, anyway,as I'm so stupid and useless, i lost it among all ofthe other drawings of my own. I realised, I' never gonna be in class with him anymore, I won't look at his deep eyes or listen to him talking to me, i hoped we could be friends... but I'm sure he's sure he'll forget me soon... I'm just not ready to get rid of the one person I waited to meet all of of my short life... nothing feels finished. Fear is killing me

Yesterday he fought with me, i knew my reasons were selfish, but i couldn't help it, it just makes me mad to know that he is slipping from my reach, it's driving me crazy not to know what is fucking making me cry every second, it's him, i just don't know how. Anyway, i guess this will be fun a few years from now.When i'm ready to deny what he really is and was. Like this, a drama, i end with this day just hopping he would at least talk to me, or see me, at least in his mind forgive me.

He kept talking to me, he licked my bottle, it smells like him now, even i smell like him. I love his deep breathing when tired, walking home is definatley hard, more when you think you´re going to die just for looking at him. Brochie, haven´t seen him in a while for about two months now. I would love to dive again on his deep homey eyes and guess what he is thinking about when smiling sexual. His hands, and his beard and his twenty eight years... His name though, doesn´t suit him, I´m thinking on calling him Eros, the greek god, or Hermes and I can be his Afrodita.

I walked with him today, he pretty much made clear that i should not even think of loving him. He promised he would get a girlfriend before next month just to get rid of me... i don´t love him, he´s somehow a god for me.ç I´m kinda crazy about him...

YOu know, on March 21st i had a dream in wich he left. And my dreams always come true. Today w¡he wore the same as in my dream... He leaves and i get screwed. ILH

(¡^+h¡>. He´s slipping from me, he´s running from me... he knows we are wrong.

he won´t talk to me again. I saw one of my old loves on february fourteen, he looked charming...didnt dare to talk to each other. This whole thing sucks.

My bohemian lord is so awesome, gets better every second. I´m happy, also kinda depressed, everythin i thought i knew is on the floor, and everything that is possible is so unreachable now. Have no talent, have no charm, not even good grades... i´m totally nothing, i feel as if i was just another person on this planet,