I'm all messed up, all freaked out, all dizzy, all confused I'm fucked up again. Who's the one i want? I love both of them... i don't want to choose... i... it's either past or future. it's either light or passion. my heart's beating for you my dearest crystal soul... but i'm feeling the chills of a starter's love for you my angel... it's either hurt, or to be hurt... when everything was pointing to Erick... all signals drive me back to you my beloved "brother"... i'll go bleed this one out

don't leave more time go by... i'm begging... i don't want to gain hope on your lost heart...with every second the more i want you back... the worst the hit becomes JUST COME HERE AND FINISH ME!!!! my wrist has gone sore... it's all cut... skins all gone...blood's running for you Erick. These wings are getting bigger... cut them before i start to love them... JUST HARM ME IF YOU WILL

come on, come on... when tears come with no announcement...Erick... is it you who's crying? or are you hurting me with your thoughts? for fuck's sake...DON'T LEAVE ME I wish Alvaro was here... i swear his words can heal me deeper than nobody else's... i wish he could hold me... i miss him bad... i don't ever want to make him cry again... ever. for he's the best thing that had come to me in a long time.

I've been cutting myself a lot this past few days...been covering it with my watch and long shirts... I'm feeling somehow lonely... i didn't want to think of when Erick comes and gives me the final hit... "i don't want to be with you anymore" that's what he will have to say... he's not coming back to my arms... i'm so certain i wish it wasn't real i won't think of that anymore... i know what i want... it's now his decision. what happens happens... time's what's torturing me... it moves so slowly...and yet i don't want the moment to come... selfdistructive thoughts come to mind with every minute... how much longer are you takin' COME AND CRASH THIS HEART...STAB IT... IT'S YOURS AFTER ALL.

I swear i WAS ok... it's just that i woke up...reality's here again I so don't want to chose... i'm not ready to let go on the one that changed my life... al the laughs, the hugs...his wonderful kiss...i'm just so afraid that everything's screwed up...i'm so afraid because i don't know if i love him or not...i'm not sure if it's my angel the one for me... faith's messing up my mind WHAT IF HE NEVER COMES BACK? WHAT IF HE DOES BUT I DON'T WANT HIM BACK? i hadn't notice... but i really miss him... what have you turned me into? I'M HERE ARMS WIDE OPEN ReADY FOR YOU TO HURT ME AGAIN... i chose your marks i chose it's you the one who finishes this poor heart

so...my boyfriend has just left my house... he told me he needed a break for thinking things through...it really hurts... i mean, you just don't tell someone i want to be with you for so long, and then four days later say your not sure...it really fuckin hurts. Maybe it was my fault...i'm not as special as he would like me to be...and he's still in love with his ex...i knew it... i just should've known his words were bullshit...why did i trust him at all!? I'm breaking. Could you please little angel break my fall... think this is how it was meant to be...maybe i was meant to be with you after all... Because it hurts to be lied to... but it's true i don't love him as i used to... i guess... this is the price of honesty... let me cry for a while.

This heart of mine is slowing down, these words, these thoughts...my body is doing things i wouldn't normally do... blood's running quick on my room's floor. i was hoping for my loving beaver to bring me my glasses...so i could hold him... he can't fucking back off now!!!! i need him badly...and where is he??? Please help me so i won't surrender...i can't stop crying...i need you to heal me with your kiss...

so...i'm happy, then i'm not...everythings right but then i notice it's not alright. so...fuck...again this sort of complications...i'm just not used to I wish i could make everybody feel so good, i'd love to heal every heart, i'd love to help everyone i love... I feel like crap cause I can´t...i'm such a useless piece of fuck

so today was so hot. him sucking on my neck, and ear...he knows just the right spots...all tangled in sheets...him breathing hard over me. and then this angel arrives, and i forget...what i was feeling... i had never been afraid of falling in love.

I told my boyfriend i would never ever cheat on him...he's just so fragile, i didn't mean to make him cry...he's the most tender warm crystal heart, and i need to protect it Problem is, cheatin is different for him, than it's for me... And then, someone comes in and messed up my head.. a little, and just for a while, and I can't blame him