I'm at peace for the moment...really enjoying it. I'm getting used to the idea that my BF may leave, and I'm getting ready for it. I am so in love with him, but i can't stay for him to hurt me again. Thanks to this new person in my life...I'm ok. I'm really ok, so why do my friends come and ask me if I'm ok, they tell me not to cry... this balance in me is weak... please don't mess with it.

I...I... I can't stop crying again... why do I feel so trapped, and desperate... why am i so afraid? What can i really hold on to, why is everything so changed? Is this what it looks like? Am I ever going to be free? Would you leave me? Would yo really leave me?... Or would you join me, even when I don't want it? I'm all shivery... why? Why would you do that?

My own mind is fuckin' trying to kill me... Why is everything so messed up, Sittin' quiet and then...BOOM I'm yelling, and then laughing just to finish crying. I'm going crazy. I'm litteraly hunting my boyfriend, I want him, then I don't....then i want to kill him, then I suck on his neck and feel sick. I want to cut myself, go drunk...What shitty things are going through mu mind i CAN'T CUT OUT? I'm feeling fucking desperate, ill with rage and jealousy, and doubts, and evil.... FUCK!!!!!!!! I WONDER.... IF I CUT MY VEINS AND CALL MY BOYFRIEND, WOULD HE BE HERE BEFORE THE LAST DROP FALL????

Today, I'm depressed... not new... However, i've been felling this way for a week now, I cut myself a lot this past few days, the wounds are not open, but they keep an unhealthy beautiful bruise appereance, and bleeding this time didn't help me as much as is used to. Today's my birthday, none of my friends called, I didn't get presents, i was waiting for my boyfriend to come, and he didn't show up. I feel his pity when he holds me... he motherf... no Just maybe I'm fucking gonna explode, I cried, I cut ,I yelled.... no help Maybe....The final Solution... I'll wait another week

Soo... He's there, writting an e-mail to that bitch.... I didn't tell him everything, but i'm bursting inside. Can't take her out of my head... that... it's just... IFI COULD JUST ERASE HER KISS, HER LAUGH, HER TEARS OUT OF HIM.... Could kill, her.. But i won't Not yet... Bleed, that will help me...

So, I am so certain that he loves me. His kiss... it's different every time, it's wonderful what he does with his lips... he melts me. Being a prey of his mouth, and stare at him staring at me with his deep lost eyes... Can't really describe it... Wow...

So i'm sweeter, but I have to find more things in wich I'm superior somehow.. No one would write him an honest poem like me right? No one's got is smell on his own skin? No one joins him in dreams for a kiss goodnight? I don't know.... why is this so hard for me????!!!! FUCK??!! I think.... well..... i'll tell you how' it going ok?

So she was first.... and it hurts badly. She´s me, but she arriver before me. He drove her home last Saturday... I wouldn't have minded... but he didn't have de BALLS to tell me. Fuck him. Fuck this anger. Can't stop this jealousy...I'll explode. It's so much anger that theblade cuts in my body are not draining it as they used to. I wish she would've never existed. it's like i can feel her taste in his lips... Can´t take her out of my head...... She's so fuckin' crazy, and yet he was in love with her? What did they do? What did they used to talk about? I'm i better enyway? She got him warmed up with a kiss... he doesn't kiss me enough.... Can't fuckin' get her outta my head.. Can't fuckin' get her outta my head.. Can't fuckin' get her outta my head.. Can't fuckin' get her outta my head.. Can't fuckin' get her outta my head.. She's choking me.... Can't fuckin' get her outta my head..

Well, so he's new... and sooo different. With him it´s shivers all the time. And with him sucking on my lower lip... i cant help to feel in extasy. His voluptuous mouth, all red and well filled up, and his puppy eyes melting me on the inside... they're his weapon, and yet he can't tell why. About my bohemian lord... i feel kinda guilty, sense his smell some days ago, i almost fell on my back in pleasure and bittersweet memories... but i have a commitment now... can´t think of him anymore. JUST WISH I COULD FOR A LAST TIME LOOK INTO HIS BLACK DEEP EYES, AND DARE TO KISS HIM MY WAY THIS TIME.

I wish i could bleed from every pore. For he´s what I want, but cannot have. I could go dry, please, please.please.please.please.please.please.please.please.please.please.please.please. Go dry!!!!!!!