I totally forgot about this website. Obviously, considering I haven't logged in since 2006. A lot has happened. I don't think I need to reiterate it to myself. Life has been running so smoothly it hurts. It's one of those things where once you have everything you've ever wanted, you just want more. I've achieved so much in this last year that I'm constantly trying to think of newer and more impressive goals for myself. Example: I plan on climbing Denali(the highest peak in the US). Eventually I'd like to climb Everest(when I have the funds). Kingsbury is going as well as it possibly can. We're recording some amazing new material and have already put out an awesome full length. Basically we've decided to hermit and make better music for ourselves. With the horrific state of the music industry and the overall response to bands these days, it's the only thing we can do. It works for me, for now. I'm not in love. Maybe I'll be back in another year or so. Yours truly, Samantha

It's the end of an era. Now lets continue to chapter 2 and repeat the cycle. The zoo is where I will find my solace this weekend. I will spend it with someone new. Someone who doesn't have anything to do with anything. Starting over is my favorite pastime. Note to you know who: You saw me crying but you didn't want to look You heard me hurting but you didn't want to listen This could have been something This could have been really something Tell me something more Tell me something more worth living for You felt me wanting but you didn't want to give You sensed me sinking but you really couldn't save me This could have been something This could have been really something Tell me something more Tell me something more worth living for People come and go it's just the way of the world Love just ebbs and flows what's left for us to rely on This could have been something This could have been really something Tell me something more Tell me something more worth living for I hate your fucking guts.

Word for the day: anxiety. I don't know why I'm so anxious, but it's preventing me from sleeping. This is not good because I have to work at 7am. So here I am hoping that the computer will tire me. I couldn't get a hold of him today. He never called me back. Another woman spent the night with him last night. Why do I even bother? Love makes you absolutely retarded. I need to keep telling myself I'm too good for this. Standards. That's what I need. Don't sell yourself short. Stop being selfless. You're worth more than he deserves. Orlando feels so lonely. I think I'll feel lonely no matter where I am. Stop this madness. Get your mind straight. Feel fine for once. Please. Lets end this on a good note. I bought a new car today. It's an '05 Honda Civic. This was most definately the high point of my month and will continue to be until I see Aloha with the Appleseed Cast April 22nd. Woohoo!

...I'll just keep telling myself that. The moon is so bright tonight. I want to move there. So what if there's no oxygen. The weather is always nice and it's cheaper than living in California. When can I catch the next rocket? I'm going out car shopping tomorrow. I need something new in my life. A car seems like a good way to satisfy that craving. It'll keep me happy for a good month, maybe two. Better than nothing right? I hope this isn't my mid-life crisis. Two people came in to get a room tonight. They were there for less than 2 hours and then checked out. Lets hope I never get to the point where I spend $129 bucks for a bad fuck. What a night. Note to Larry: Let me love you tomorrow night. It's all I ever ask. Could I ask a little more? Could I ask you to love me back?

I'm just going to accept things for how they are. I can't change things. I can only change my ways. That's all that needs to be done.

What am I doing here? I'm trying to figure myself out. I'm trying to figure them out. I'm trying to figure out why the earth is round. Will I ever know? Isn't that what makes life interesting. I'm no longer amused. Fin.

I feel like it's 1976. It's the feeling of driving down a desert highway in a Firebird with the top down. Everything is dusty and the man next to you has killer sideburns. All you need to do is drive for hours, rail coke, and make love like it's nobody's business. What a life. What a time. I haven't seen anyone for days. My family is in Michigan. My friends don't call and even if they did, I've been working so much I hardly have time to eat. The strange thing is, I feel content, all most to the point where I don't want to see anyone. Maybe a good week of alone time is just what the doctor ordered. Who knows. I never do.

...are 3 things I already knew. 1. When you're kissing someone who is just like you it's like kissing a mirror... 2. When you're sleeping with someone who doesn't get you, you're going to hate yourself in the morning... 3. What's good for your soul is bad on your nerves if you reverse it.... ...it's bound to melt your heart one way or the other. Thanks Jenny Lewis with The Watson Twins for the advice.

Tonight I'm emotionless for the first time in a long time. This is happiness for me. I wish I could feel this way for the rest of my life. Most of the time my problem is this, I care too much about people, places, things. If it's a noun, chances are I care about it, whether it's positive or negative. It kills me. The fact that a lot of people lack the ability to care makes life harder for me. I feel as though I need to overcompensate for them. It's tiring and keeps strapped into my emotional roller coaster. I gave Daniel a call tonight. I need to learn how to let people like him in. He takes me on dates and treats me very well. He's charming and well rounded, not to mention good looking. Hopefully he will be the point in my life where I end my trend of falling for men that treat me poorly. Hopefully... The show last night was fun. Mini Michael is a nice show buddy. Circa Survive was very strange. Correction, Anthony Green was strange. He acts half retarded, half coked out and doesn't really sing the songs very well even though he is more than able to. 14 year old boys seem to see him as a sex symbol, which kind of freaks me out. Moneen definately put on the best show out of all the bands. I love canadians. Neeners Inc. all the way! Saves The Day was good, but I wish they played more of their new stuff. Overrall I give the night an A minus. Note to anyone that reads this: Mini Michael drove all the way to Tampa tonight to draw on a drunk, naked girl. Please point and laugh if you see him.

I'm slowly getting over my sickness. The sore throat and stuffiness have subsided. Now I'm left with a cough. Coughing is quite unpleasant. It hurts and tends to annoy the person who is trying to sleep next to you. I'm hoping and praying that tonight will be the night. It's never ends up that way. I highly doubt anything will happen. It'll be the same. It might even end up being an utter disappointment. It usually is. I just want him to take me. I want him to have me. Why is this so difficult??? He was so affectionate last night. Some nights are like that. Others are absolutely awful. Moodiness is the worst. Am I moody? On a more stable note, I'm going to see Saves The Day w/ Circa Survive, and MONEEN!!! I'm so excited. Before the show Michael and I are going to Park Ave CDs to buy all our concert tickets for the next few months. Fantastic. Fan-fucking-tastic. Wish me luck. I'm off.