• I watched three movies about killers today. (The Craigslist Killer, Scream, and Scream 2). And had a long daydream/whatever-you-call-it where I went to a psychiatric hospital, similar to the kid in It's Kind Of A Funny Story. I still need to see that, by the way. But when I saw that preview for the first time, I thought "1) That kid's similar to me and 2) I would kind of like that" I read a random paragraph of the book this morning from Chapter 2, maybe, and he was describing himself and what's wrong with him, and It's Just like me. So my daydream was that I was pretty normal, but just odd enough to be put into the wing, and then a long while later, my parents visited me and I changed. (I will let you know, I was acting all this out. I was feeling very... idk, but sometimes I act things out when I'm alone.) I stuttered a lot more, I had stopped mid-sentence a lot more. I was more disorderly. And then I was talking to them about something, I guess about my friends I made, and then I looked at them (still acting this out in my room, laying on my bed) and I said "... I know what you're thinking. You think i've changed. Well, I haven't. I'm still same ol' Matt. Just more pronounced." And then I Went on and on about how I like it there. And I'm telling you, it was touching. I wish I had it recorded (if you could record a whisper) because It was amazing. Because in my dream-ish-thing, I opened up to my parents, and I admitted to them of being sad, and hiding it from everyone, including Me. And how people understand me here, and they accept me and all my flaws. So, I have an irrational hatrid towards stickers and shirts with writing on them. At home, you guys will nag at me for that, but here, they say "Alright. It's not like you're afraid of Air, nothing's wrong with that. I just won't give you stickers or make you wear stupid shirts" And I remember talking about how in the real world, nobody sees me for what I really am. Like, on the outside, I look normal, just like everyone else. But in reality, the me that nobody sees, I'm a wreck. I had dreams and aspirations in elementary and middle school. I was actually going to Be someone. But once 10th grade hit, I plummited. And now I'm this person who has no skill and no future. How I have no use in this life, really. I'm just taking up space and oxigen. And no one sees that, because it's all a game. I really wish I had it on record. The whole of it was moving. I even had a tear go right down my left cheek. You might think I'm strange for actually, Seriously, acting it all out. I whispered Every line to two imaginary people sitting across from my bed. Sometimes looking at them, sometimes looking at the ceiling. And I went on and on. It was a good scene for a movie, if it were a movie. Good length, and good emotion. =============== So all in all, a good day right? Filled with psychotics. What could be better? Au revoir.

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