(Warning: This is a long post. Wasn't planned to be. Just happened.)
I'm having this weird phase where I kind of want to be a teacher.
But I suck at teaching. Seriously, I can't explain even the simplist things to people.
But for some reason, it's attracting to me. Though, I would hate grading all that homework.
Doesn't it suck, feeling like you have - and will never have - no purpose in life?
I mean, I have no talent. I have no calling.
I'm walking on a path in Wonderland, only to find that a dog with a broom as a face is sweeping away everything in front of me. And what's left? Just this small square of path that goes nowhere. It doesn't go backwards. It doesn't go frontwards. It doesn't even go leftward or rightward.
It's just a square. A stationary red square in the middle of this foreign forest which, honestly, makes no sense to me.
===========
When you realise that your life is heading no where
You lose a part of yourself.
When I was a kid, I had so much opportunity. I was the smart kid. I was the kid who people would ask questions. They wouldn't talk to me about television or what happened to them in Chicago the prior night. I was a tool used for reassurance. For a second oppinion.
But I had so much ahead of me. I was going to be a doctor. I was going to be a veteranarian. I was going to be successful.
Then highschool came along, and life hit the breaks so hard it took your breath away.
Everyone else caught up to me.
I became more of an average kid. My body still had momentum, though. An object in motion tends to stay in motion until acted on by another force. So, people still asked me the answer Question 4. But I didn't have the answer anymore. The questions started getting stronger, while I was not.
And then, for some reason, the car (life) must have realised that it stopped later than planned, so what does it do? It backs up.
Now I'm not equal anymore. I'm less than. The alligator's mouth is pointing at me. The alligator wants to eat me.
And now here I am. Standing on this little red square of path in The Middle of Nowhere, Wonderland.
You know.
I give myself very good advice
But I very seldom follow it.
You know, you recognize yourself…but there’s that little bit of you that you don’t.
- December 09, 2010
- Cest-La-Vie
- 1 Comment
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