In a café on the Champs-Élysées, I saw a girl the other day.
I was beguiled 'til I saw her smile.
It was a gash across her face.
Not long ago, she found that she was alone, so she wandered into a vaudeville show.
She should've known it'd be bad.
She saw the name that it had - The Straight-Razor Cabaret.
The first act was a stripper and the host looked like Jack the Ripper.
But the audience was dreary, so he slashed them smiles from ear to ear.

He used a straight razor 'cause he's a face raper, and there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud.
If he tells a joke, you better laugh 'til you choke at The Straight-Razor Cabaret!

When I went down to Camden Town, I saw a man reading the Bible.
I won't in haste describe his face, for I might be sued for libel!
Not long ago, he found that he was alone, so he wandered into the vaudeville show.
He should've known he'd be maimed when he discovered the name - The Straight-Razor Cabaret.
While a strumpet stroked a donkey, the host juggled five dead monkeys.
But the audience was snobs, so he took a knife right to their gobs.

He used a straight razor 'cause he's a face raper, and there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud.
If he does a trick, you'd better laugh until you're sick at The Straight-Razor Cabaret!

They call him Straight-Razor 'cause he's a face raper.
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud.
If he pulls a gaffe, you'd better bloody up and laugh.
At The Straight-Razor Cabaret!
At The Straight-Razor Cabaret!
At The Straight-Razor Cabar...
Everybody!
At The Straight-Razor Cabaret!


Lyrics submitted by TR_Jessie

The Straight-Razor Cabaret song meanings
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