Father and Daughter

I was 37 when my wife & I had our first daughter. Four years later, we had two more. I am so totally in love with them, it amazes, enthralls, and hurts. We may have many, many decades to share our lives together; and then we may not. The latter suggestion is certainly helped by the fact that my own parents have died in the past few years. Makes you think about everything your parents have meant to you, what they have been able to give you along for the ride.

I am sure that Paul, who was 54 when his daughter Lulu was born, has been thinking of his own mortality as a father. Is it responsible to have children at 54? (His son Gabriel was born when Paul was 57.) What do we owe our children, when it comes to sheer lifetime? Can we just die on them when they are 16? Is it o.k. to accept the risk of never seeing them getting married, never see the grandchildren they bear you, never be able to help them cope with the problems of grown-ups?

Of course Paul has been considering these questions all along. Every 'older' parent would.

So that is the meaning I attribute to this song. It is Paul's answer to his daughter to the questions she will inevitably ask when Paul is no longer around. When she gets scared, and is looking for her father for solace. If she hasn't got a father, she will have a 'memory', and he will be like a 'postcard of a Golden Retriever' to her. He will still be inside her, like the light that once shone on her.

Every parent fears the dangers and disappointments that their children will inevitable suffer from - such are the facts of life. There's no guarantee to happiness all around, no matter what age you are as a parent or as a child. Every parent fears their kids being bullied in school, being chosen last with football, being let down in love, being cheated by a friend. As a 'younger' parent, you promise yourself that you will be around when your kids will need you. As an 'older' parent, you fear that you won't be around to help out. And you hope that you will have ample opportunity to love your child and weapon it with a self-conscious upbringing and many a good memory to cherish.

So Paul Simon loves his daughters more than I do? Such arrogance! Until you realize that every father loves his daughters more than all the rest. We should. They will need it, the trust, the uninhibited, unconditional love that gives them wings in life. At least, that's what I try to provide my kids & wife with. More important to me than anything else. Certainly more important than money ('the market place').

I am not a religious guy. We come, we go - it's o.k. We're made from dust, and dust we shall be. That's reassuring. What connects us to this world are our parents and our children. Past, present, future; the long string that makes up 'the human race'. We'll all be o.k. if we succeed in being good parents to our kids. And vice versa.

Let's do our best to help our kids to become who they are. They will reflect us, as will their kids reflect them - and us. A light that will shine forever, joined by all the many more lights ahead.