I thought this song was about Raine holding a gun for the first time and seeing his friend and wondering what it would be like to fire the gun. Then he talks about how disgusted he is with himself and how he's never felt like this before. He hates knowing that he is holding something that could kill someone and feeling like he could use it. He wants his friend to believe that he has never had these thoughts before and that he has never held a gun, ready to shoot, before.
I thought this song was about Raine holding a gun for the first time and seeing his friend and wondering what it would be like to fire the gun. Then he talks about how disgusted he is with himself and how he's never felt like this before. He hates knowing that he is holding something that could kill someone and feeling like he could use it. He wants his friend to believe that he has never had these thoughts before and that he has never held a gun, ready to shoot, before.