This song I first heard when I was fourteen. At the time I just thought it was a really cool indie song; very creative, but it quickly became another meaningless fad with the group of “friends” I had throughout my teens. It always made me sad when I’d hear it because despite not hearing all the lyrics, the instruments play a key role in giving one the emotional and psychological compass of this song’s meaning. I was experiencing intense trauma at the time, surrounded by people who were just as sick but were sick in that they loved to hurt themselves, yet were too oblivious to notice how bad they were. They were alcoholics, and drug addicts. I spent fourteen years with these people as my second family in a way bc my home life was filled with narcissistic abuse. I did whatever I could to get away so I’d not kill myself. I’m still battling this trauma in that it’s gotten me stuck in a place in life I never imagined I’d be, all bc of the carelessness of family who speaks only to gain and only shows me affectionate so as to use me as a means to an end in a lifelong game where I always lose. I no longer have that second family who, just like my own family, used me for whatever I did give or could be taken. Now I’m praying I make it to live the life I’d planned for myself but was intentionally dismantled by my the very ppl who put me here to live a happy life..so they said when I was young. They chose my sister as the investment; I became sick with an undiagnosed me illness at 15, went through hell alone, cured at thirty. The remission simply enraged my family to the point where all resources were and are cut off. I was taken out of college just before graduating bc my father didn’t want to waste money putting me through university. He says he owns me. He says I’m not worth equality, respect, or privacy. I mention these things only bc I empathize with Konya, feel she is brave to shed herself as she has, and I empathize with everyone who has been thrown in the scrap heap of life for no reason other than being born to people who refuse to see one’s good traits or potential. I also bring this up because I was too stupid to realize my chance to escape this dynamic when I could, bc I was too busy trying to make sure I went to sleep each night and woke up each morning…I kept moving forward and I don’t know why. I keep moving forward and I still don’t know why. The love I have for my family clouded my perception of realizing reality was my worst fear: it was all lies. The love the respect, the once every few years compliment. My remission was going to be beautiful and I worked hard to get there but I had no idea I was trying to heal and start my life with the help of the two ppl in the world who literally hate me the most and what do I do with that. I fought alcoholism, drug addiction; my unbroken home was unbroken but with a father who I knew only from punishment for things I never did. So my boyfriends were all physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive. I didn’t think I deserved better and now, I’m out of time. The abuse here will kill me no doubt within a couple years. Kimya is a true phoenix. I hoped to join her in the sky too, but my unconditional love and inability to hurt others for self gain put me where I’ll never escape. Never live my own adult life, being happy. Remission came with one response from my parents which was pure fury. Anyone wants to take a crack at why this was their response, I’d love to hear it. I have yet to understand what I did or what went wrong; why I’m the one who fought and fought and fought for a happy life I’ll never have. Kimya, keep being a warrior. You made it out. Live life for yourself and the rest of us who aren’t allowed to. Bless you, Kimya. You are beautiful!❤️❤️❤️
This song I first heard when I was fourteen. At the time I just thought it was a really cool indie song; very creative, but it quickly became another meaningless fad with the group of “friends” I had throughout my teens. It always made me sad when I’d hear it because despite not hearing all the lyrics, the instruments play a key role in giving one the emotional and psychological compass of this song’s meaning. I was experiencing intense trauma at the time, surrounded by people who were just as sick but were sick in that they loved to hurt themselves, yet were too oblivious to notice how bad they were. They were alcoholics, and drug addicts. I spent fourteen years with these people as my second family in a way bc my home life was filled with narcissistic abuse. I did whatever I could to get away so I’d not kill myself. I’m still battling this trauma in that it’s gotten me stuck in a place in life I never imagined I’d be, all bc of the carelessness of family who speaks only to gain and only shows me affectionate so as to use me as a means to an end in a lifelong game where I always lose. I no longer have that second family who, just like my own family, used me for whatever I did give or could be taken. Now I’m praying I make it to live the life I’d planned for myself but was intentionally dismantled by my the very ppl who put me here to live a happy life..so they said when I was young. They chose my sister as the investment; I became sick with an undiagnosed me illness at 15, went through hell alone, cured at thirty. The remission simply enraged my family to the point where all resources were and are cut off. I was taken out of college just before graduating bc my father didn’t want to waste money putting me through university. He says he owns me. He says I’m not worth equality, respect, or privacy. I mention these things only bc I empathize with Konya, feel she is brave to shed herself as she has, and I empathize with everyone who has been thrown in the scrap heap of life for no reason other than being born to people who refuse to see one’s good traits or potential. I also bring this up because I was too stupid to realize my chance to escape this dynamic when I could, bc I was too busy trying to make sure I went to sleep each night and woke up each morning…I kept moving forward and I don’t know why. I keep moving forward and I still don’t know why. The love I have for my family clouded my perception of realizing reality was my worst fear: it was all lies. The love the respect, the once every few years compliment. My remission was going to be beautiful and I worked hard to get there but I had no idea I was trying to heal and start my life with the help of the two ppl in the world who literally hate me the most and what do I do with that. I fought alcoholism, drug addiction; my unbroken home was unbroken but with a father who I knew only from punishment for things I never did. So my boyfriends were all physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive. I didn’t think I deserved better and now, I’m out of time. The abuse here will kill me no doubt within a couple years. Kimya is a true phoenix. I hoped to join her in the sky too, but my unconditional love and inability to hurt others for self gain put me where I’ll never escape. Never live my own adult life, being happy. Remission came with one response from my parents which was pure fury. Anyone wants to take a crack at why this was their response, I’d love to hear it. I have yet to understand what I did or what went wrong; why I’m the one who fought and fought and fought for a happy life I’ll never have. Kimya, keep being a warrior. You made it out. Live life for yourself and the rest of us who aren’t allowed to. Bless you, Kimya. You are beautiful!❤️❤️❤️